Tears of joy and sadness. The baby daughter of a long time family friend of mine got a much needed heart transplant today from a baby that died much too young. This heart is quite possibly going to save her life, but another baby had to die for her to receive it. It's pretty much the ultimate gift. But not one you ever want to give.
I'm not close to the family, but my mother is very close to the grandmother of the baby girl who just got the new heart; they've been friends since before I was born. So I've known them my whole life. This cardiomyopathy discovery and the eventual conclusion that she needed a new heart and the transplant itself has affected me. Way less than other people closer to her, but it's been on my mind a lot and I've shed many tears about it.
This baby is also only a month younger than Cedric, I found out the mother was pregnant while I was pregnant. We were at each other's baby showers.
At first I felt both grateful and guilty about Cedric's good health. He really is a perfect little baby and until this all happened I didn't think much about it being any other way. Now I feel a deep gratitude and also realize how quickly things can change. Having a very sick baby could happen to anyone, no one plans this stuff. When everything started unfolding and they were realizing the extent of her heart problem, I felt like I wanted to do anything I could do. I was able to donate breast milk to her, but that was about all I could do. If I had an extra heart, I would have given it to her.
The one thing that I definitely felt from this experience is that my problems are small. And any issue I have with Cedric I now look at as being very insignificant. Not that I was very worried or had lots of issues with him before this, but now everything looks really small. I can hardly imagine what the other parents went through. I can, but I'm sure the reality is much worse.
I know I'm an atheist, but when my son was born, it was the first time I felt the presence of some kind of greater being. I figured there had to be divine intervention for me to have been given this wonderful baby boy. Today, when I heard about them finding a heart for her, it was the second time I wondered if there must be something divine working behind the scenes. I just feel so thankful for all the powers at play; the family that chose to donate the organs, the doctors who had the skill, the support that came forward for this little girl and her family. Maybe what is really divine is that humans can do amazing things and can think of others during their time of grieving. Maybe we are all a little god-like.
There is still a long road ahead, but probably the most difficult part is over. I think she was only on the transplant list for 2 weeks. We all hoped for the best, but prepared for the worst. I would not wish this experience on anyone. But for the first time today, instead of feeling anxious and grateful that my child is healthy, I felt grateful that I was able to witness this miracle of sorts. I witnessed the overwhelming support of of friends and family, I witnessed smiles and joy from the videos from the hospital room, I witnessed two parents giving everything they could to their baby, I witnessed the awe of modern medicine, I witnessed the generosity of a stranger.
I feel like the World is perhaps not such a bad place and that now I have proof that humans are good and that we can overcome great obstacles. Witnessing all of this has given me hope for the human race. I cannot believe that we are born selfish, I have just witnessed the complete opposite. People want to help others. Thank you for showing me that.
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