People are quite curious of our sleeping situation which right now is a queen mattress on the floor next to a twin mattress on floor, but we still all usually end up on the queen mattress. And, for the most part I nurse my baby to sleep, or sometimes he nurses a little then takes a pacifier to sleep (the baby likes to suck more than he likes to drink). It's really working for us, and is convenient for night time elimination communication when I'm able to do it.
What I hear from other people who have kids is usually full of fears and worries and wondering when it will all be better. People are WAY too freaked out about sleep. There is this idea going around that if you don't somehow figure out how to get yourself to sleep and stay asleep all night by the time you are six months old you will have sleep problems for ever.
I nurse my six-month-old in the middle of the night sometimes. This is something several people and books have told me he DOESN'T NEED, "stop doing that, or he'll get used to it and need it... FOREVER." Get rid of the pacifier too pretty soon or you'll never get rid of that. But for God's sake keep him in diapers at LEAST two years... maybe even 3 or 4.
Can you see that there might be some cultural biases happening here?
People usually ask me if we have a plan for getting him into his own bed. Last time, my husband answered this, "uh I guess before the next one comes..." No, we don't have a plan. We aren't the planning type. If something comes up later that makes this arrangement not work, then we will change it. We changed it once. We used to have a queen bed next to a co-sleeper, but the baby got too mobile for that arrangement by 5 months, so we minimized the falling out of bed risk by putting the mattress right on the floor.
I'm really not buying into the idea that my child will need to learn how to fall asleep on his own and that this is somehow something I will need to plan out and teach him. I didn't teach him anything else he knows. He's close to crawling, but I didn't teach him how to do it. I didn't teach him how to do the cooing/babbling he does. I didn't teach him to smile or laugh. These are things that the vast majority of children do, eventually, but no one plans it out. And they all do it at different times. Some babies are barely a month when they smile, some don't smile until three months. Some children are crawling at 4 months, some aren't crawling until after a year.
I really have to remind myself sometimes that our sleep situation is great. We are all getting enough sleep. I have to remember that contrary to what some might say, even if I'm still nursing him to sleep when he's two or three, I won't be be nursing him to sleep in his dorm room.
I think it is a fallacy that we have that much control over when and how our kids grow up. All we can do is give them a nurturing environment and let them grow up how and when they would like. The more we push and turn things into a struggle, the more struggles we will have. All children grow up, even in less than ideal circumstances. Let's all try to accept the kids we have today.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Diaper Genies Make Diapers Stink More
Short subject that I've been meaning to talk about.
Chances are if you use disposable diapers, you have a Diaper Genie. Throw it out. You are making your diapers more stinky. A Diaper Genie, for those of you not in the know about useless baby products, is a plastic container with a plastic bag inside of it that you put disposable diapers into and you turn the bag so that the diaper is essentially locked up air tight.
Great! You are thinking. No. If this Diaper Genie actually worked like a Genie and transported them to the garbage on garbage day without you having to do anything, then maybe it would be worth it. But here is the reality: eventually you have to empty the Diaper Genie. And at the rate young babies go through diapers, possibly you will have to empty them on a day that's not garbage day. Or if you work at a day care center or something like that, chances are you empty it every night.
And here is what happens to diapers that have been locked in an airtight space: they get really, really, really, stinky. I have had to empty a wet bag that had a poopy cloth diaper kept in it over night accidentally. It was pretty bad. Even ones coming home from 8 hours of day care are getting to the unbearably stinky point. So imagine what a whole week or a few days worth of diapers that have been trapped inside of a Diaper Genie must smell like. And in my experience, the smell escapes when you empty them. Or maybe the plastic bag catches on something... it's just a thin piece of plastic after all.
How do you keep them from stinking? Let air get to them. We put our dirty cloth diapers in to a plastic bin without a top, they don't stink up our bedroom. When we use disposables, they go into a paper grocery bag that we use as a trash can, also in our bedroom, no top, no plastic, and they don't stink. We use some disposable wipes and these also go in the paper bag, again, no stink.
Who ever invented the Diaper Genie really is an evil genius. Because I think nearly every parent has one and it does the opposite of what they bought it to do. A great example of a convenience item that makes things less convenient. I could do a whole series, maybe I will.
Chances are if you use disposable diapers, you have a Diaper Genie. Throw it out. You are making your diapers more stinky. A Diaper Genie, for those of you not in the know about useless baby products, is a plastic container with a plastic bag inside of it that you put disposable diapers into and you turn the bag so that the diaper is essentially locked up air tight.
Great! You are thinking. No. If this Diaper Genie actually worked like a Genie and transported them to the garbage on garbage day without you having to do anything, then maybe it would be worth it. But here is the reality: eventually you have to empty the Diaper Genie. And at the rate young babies go through diapers, possibly you will have to empty them on a day that's not garbage day. Or if you work at a day care center or something like that, chances are you empty it every night.
And here is what happens to diapers that have been locked in an airtight space: they get really, really, really, stinky. I have had to empty a wet bag that had a poopy cloth diaper kept in it over night accidentally. It was pretty bad. Even ones coming home from 8 hours of day care are getting to the unbearably stinky point. So imagine what a whole week or a few days worth of diapers that have been trapped inside of a Diaper Genie must smell like. And in my experience, the smell escapes when you empty them. Or maybe the plastic bag catches on something... it's just a thin piece of plastic after all.
How do you keep them from stinking? Let air get to them. We put our dirty cloth diapers in to a plastic bin without a top, they don't stink up our bedroom. When we use disposables, they go into a paper grocery bag that we use as a trash can, also in our bedroom, no top, no plastic, and they don't stink. We use some disposable wipes and these also go in the paper bag, again, no stink.
Who ever invented the Diaper Genie really is an evil genius. Because I think nearly every parent has one and it does the opposite of what they bought it to do. A great example of a convenience item that makes things less convenient. I could do a whole series, maybe I will.
Friday, December 2, 2011
On Six Months of Exclusive Breastfeeding
I did it! I made it through six months of exclusive breastfeeding! This is a huge accomplishment, one that only 20% of moms in Minnesota right now can say. By six months less than half are breastfeeding at all. So even if you are breastfeeding a little at this point you are doing better than the majority, so that deserves recognition too.
I got a sample of formula in the mail when I got home from the hospital (I'm guessing from my Babies R Us registry, time to not shop with them anymore, they don't have much I want anyway). I declared, as I held my three-day-old infant, "You. Will. Never. Taste. Formula!" I didn't know if it would be true, but I hoped, and I figured declaring it would help. Six months in, I'm pretty sure that declaration will remain true.
Years ago I said that I would do two years of breastfeeding at a minimum. So I'm 1/4 of the way there, and I'm pretty sure the hardest 1/4 is behind me. Before getting pregnant I really had NO idea breastfeeding rates were so low, I kept hearing all these horror stories from people about how they just couldn't get their supply up and it freaked the hell out of me because I just really had no idea how little support there was out there for it and how many moms get bad advice and bad support, even from professionals.
My first bit of bad support came from a nurse in the hospital where I delivered. What I needed to hear, what every new mom who is committed to breastfeeding needs to hear, was, "I know it's hard and confusing and frustrating, but you are doing the absolute best thing for your baby by breastfeeding, I know you can do it," instead while I was showing frustration over his "perfect" latch feeling very painful she said, "well there is always formula." Fuck you, seriously, fuck you, is what I should have said. Instead I just got more frustrated and felt more alone. Support is not telling a frustrated woman that it's OK if she quits, support is telling her she can do it, she and her baby were born to do this.
I had to figure it out on my own sometimes. I pretty much stopped wearing a top for the first days, fabric didn't feel good. Turns out that was one of the best things I could do for my sore nipples, let them get exposed to air. No one told me this, I read about it later. Ladies, beginning breastfeeding is no time to be modest, get topless, get skin-on-skin contact, and let the air get to your nipples. My pain was reduced greatly by about 5 days post partum.
I also didn't chart or keep track of his feeding times. I'm lazy. I had no energy for this. Everyone was telling me to watch the clock and note the time. I defied them and just fed my baby whenever he seemed hungry, for as long as he would feed. Later I read a LLL poster that had in big, bold letters, "DON'T WATCH THE CLOCK, WATCH YOUR BABY!" Apparently my instinct was right.
What I'm trying to get at is: No kidding breastfeeding rates are low, women have so little support and so much misinformation given to them. There is always some personal responsibility, but really, I can't blame women for giving up entirely. It also takes a lot of courage for women like me to be the minority of breastfeeders. We are the few who feed on demand in any location. Who get curious looks, but stand our ground and sometimes have to defend our rights. We are bombarded with formula ads and samples. We get looked at with envy, with scorn, with judgement, with shock, and, rarely, with kindness and joy. It's a lot to take on and most of the time we feel very alone, especially if we are the super few who make it to one and two or even three or more years. From the reading I've done, I'd advise every mother to try to make it to two years.
Two years of breastfeeding give benefits not only to your baby but to you. Benefits like: decreased chance of breast and ovarian cancer, decreased chance of diabetes, decreased chance of hypertension, and decreased chance of osteoporosis. And for baby it gives him a decreased chance of almost every disease imaginable. Breastfeeding also sends out a bunch of love chemicals, it actually helps you fall in love with your baby and changes your brain into a mother's brain. The brains of mothers who did not breastfeed looks the same as those with stillborn children (don't ask me how, I should find the study). That is crazy, if you don't breastfeed, at least according to your brain, your baby died. Freaky shit.
Bonding is so important, it's what makes you able to rock a screaming infant for well over an hour without losing your cool, to even enjoy it sometimes (I have felt enjoyment while comforting my crying baby). It makes you responsive and alert to your baby's needs. And that oxytocin and prolactin relax you a lot, it's like being on really, really good drugs, without any side effects or hangovers. I personally have found it to be among the best anti-anxiety concoctions I've ever taken. I can't imagine raising an infant without the constant flow of oxytocin and prolactin. Pumping at work made WORK feel less stressful, it is amazing stuff, and they can't give it to you in the form of a pill because it won't cross the blood-brain barrier. (can you tell I've read a lot about this recently?)
It also makes nighttime a total breeze if you bed share. Put baby to boob, go back to sleep. Practice the side laying nursing position during the day and get it down if you don't have it down yet, it is amazing. Sleep like a baby, next to your baby. Though, granted, I have been told I have a somewhat easier baby when it comes to sleep. But maybe it's because I bedshared and nursed him, I guess we'll never know. Colic is way more common in formula-fed infants. Also, since he was in bed with me, he rarely had to get all the way to crying if he woke up hungry, because I'd noticed right away and woke up when he did and gave him what he needed. We often had and still have cryless nights.
And did I mention breastfeeding is free and formula will cost you a few thousand dollars for that first year? It also takes no preparation right out of the boob. And has antibodies and won't spoil in your boob, or get contaminated with contaminated drinking water... the list goes on. If you get stranded, you can still feed your baby... I could go on more, I guess I'll stop.
Anyway, I realize that I lucked out, somehow I got enough support. That really is the bottom line. I got enough exposure, enough education, enough encouragement, and I, myself, had enough determination. I had few problems, but still had three lactation consultant appointments. I was not going to give up.
Breastfeeding gets more and more easy every month. Right now it's as easy as: set baby on lap; expose boob; breastfeed. He sits up pretty well and has no trouble finding the nipple. He's bit me a couple times, but always after a good feeding, I just take him off and let him chew something else. The biggest problem I had was my over active let down, but now he seems to pretty much be used to it. He spits up more frequently than average because he gets too much of it, but he's still thriving and growing and doing really well.
Now we are starting our baby-led feeding (I've decided to call it that instead of baby-led weaning). Last night I gave him a chunk of banana, cooked zucchini, and cooked pasta with a little pasta sauce to play with. The night before it was rice and broccoli florets with spicy Szechuan sauce. He didn't get much or possibly any of it into his stomach, but this seems a lot more fun than spoon feeding. I think Indian is on the menu tonight. I think I can also confidently declare, "you will never taste rice cereal or baby food or specially made purees!" I don't know that it's ture, but I hope for now.
I'll write more about baby-led feeding later. I'm quite excited about it.
I got a sample of formula in the mail when I got home from the hospital (I'm guessing from my Babies R Us registry, time to not shop with them anymore, they don't have much I want anyway). I declared, as I held my three-day-old infant, "You. Will. Never. Taste. Formula!" I didn't know if it would be true, but I hoped, and I figured declaring it would help. Six months in, I'm pretty sure that declaration will remain true.
Years ago I said that I would do two years of breastfeeding at a minimum. So I'm 1/4 of the way there, and I'm pretty sure the hardest 1/4 is behind me. Before getting pregnant I really had NO idea breastfeeding rates were so low, I kept hearing all these horror stories from people about how they just couldn't get their supply up and it freaked the hell out of me because I just really had no idea how little support there was out there for it and how many moms get bad advice and bad support, even from professionals.
My first bit of bad support came from a nurse in the hospital where I delivered. What I needed to hear, what every new mom who is committed to breastfeeding needs to hear, was, "I know it's hard and confusing and frustrating, but you are doing the absolute best thing for your baby by breastfeeding, I know you can do it," instead while I was showing frustration over his "perfect" latch feeling very painful she said, "well there is always formula." Fuck you, seriously, fuck you, is what I should have said. Instead I just got more frustrated and felt more alone. Support is not telling a frustrated woman that it's OK if she quits, support is telling her she can do it, she and her baby were born to do this.
I had to figure it out on my own sometimes. I pretty much stopped wearing a top for the first days, fabric didn't feel good. Turns out that was one of the best things I could do for my sore nipples, let them get exposed to air. No one told me this, I read about it later. Ladies, beginning breastfeeding is no time to be modest, get topless, get skin-on-skin contact, and let the air get to your nipples. My pain was reduced greatly by about 5 days post partum.
I also didn't chart or keep track of his feeding times. I'm lazy. I had no energy for this. Everyone was telling me to watch the clock and note the time. I defied them and just fed my baby whenever he seemed hungry, for as long as he would feed. Later I read a LLL poster that had in big, bold letters, "DON'T WATCH THE CLOCK, WATCH YOUR BABY!" Apparently my instinct was right.
What I'm trying to get at is: No kidding breastfeeding rates are low, women have so little support and so much misinformation given to them. There is always some personal responsibility, but really, I can't blame women for giving up entirely. It also takes a lot of courage for women like me to be the minority of breastfeeders. We are the few who feed on demand in any location. Who get curious looks, but stand our ground and sometimes have to defend our rights. We are bombarded with formula ads and samples. We get looked at with envy, with scorn, with judgement, with shock, and, rarely, with kindness and joy. It's a lot to take on and most of the time we feel very alone, especially if we are the super few who make it to one and two or even three or more years. From the reading I've done, I'd advise every mother to try to make it to two years.
Two years of breastfeeding give benefits not only to your baby but to you. Benefits like: decreased chance of breast and ovarian cancer, decreased chance of diabetes, decreased chance of hypertension, and decreased chance of osteoporosis. And for baby it gives him a decreased chance of almost every disease imaginable. Breastfeeding also sends out a bunch of love chemicals, it actually helps you fall in love with your baby and changes your brain into a mother's brain. The brains of mothers who did not breastfeed looks the same as those with stillborn children (don't ask me how, I should find the study). That is crazy, if you don't breastfeed, at least according to your brain, your baby died. Freaky shit.
Bonding is so important, it's what makes you able to rock a screaming infant for well over an hour without losing your cool, to even enjoy it sometimes (I have felt enjoyment while comforting my crying baby). It makes you responsive and alert to your baby's needs. And that oxytocin and prolactin relax you a lot, it's like being on really, really good drugs, without any side effects or hangovers. I personally have found it to be among the best anti-anxiety concoctions I've ever taken. I can't imagine raising an infant without the constant flow of oxytocin and prolactin. Pumping at work made WORK feel less stressful, it is amazing stuff, and they can't give it to you in the form of a pill because it won't cross the blood-brain barrier. (can you tell I've read a lot about this recently?)
It also makes nighttime a total breeze if you bed share. Put baby to boob, go back to sleep. Practice the side laying nursing position during the day and get it down if you don't have it down yet, it is amazing. Sleep like a baby, next to your baby. Though, granted, I have been told I have a somewhat easier baby when it comes to sleep. But maybe it's because I bedshared and nursed him, I guess we'll never know. Colic is way more common in formula-fed infants. Also, since he was in bed with me, he rarely had to get all the way to crying if he woke up hungry, because I'd noticed right away and woke up when he did and gave him what he needed. We often had and still have cryless nights.
And did I mention breastfeeding is free and formula will cost you a few thousand dollars for that first year? It also takes no preparation right out of the boob. And has antibodies and won't spoil in your boob, or get contaminated with contaminated drinking water... the list goes on. If you get stranded, you can still feed your baby... I could go on more, I guess I'll stop.
Anyway, I realize that I lucked out, somehow I got enough support. That really is the bottom line. I got enough exposure, enough education, enough encouragement, and I, myself, had enough determination. I had few problems, but still had three lactation consultant appointments. I was not going to give up.
Breastfeeding gets more and more easy every month. Right now it's as easy as: set baby on lap; expose boob; breastfeed. He sits up pretty well and has no trouble finding the nipple. He's bit me a couple times, but always after a good feeding, I just take him off and let him chew something else. The biggest problem I had was my over active let down, but now he seems to pretty much be used to it. He spits up more frequently than average because he gets too much of it, but he's still thriving and growing and doing really well.
Now we are starting our baby-led feeding (I've decided to call it that instead of baby-led weaning). Last night I gave him a chunk of banana, cooked zucchini, and cooked pasta with a little pasta sauce to play with. The night before it was rice and broccoli florets with spicy Szechuan sauce. He didn't get much or possibly any of it into his stomach, but this seems a lot more fun than spoon feeding. I think Indian is on the menu tonight. I think I can also confidently declare, "you will never taste rice cereal or baby food or specially made purees!" I don't know that it's ture, but I hope for now.
I'll write more about baby-led feeding later. I'm quite excited about it.
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