Small Sugguestion: Make Nude Breasts, Yes All of Them, Everywhere, Legal

I guess I am lucky that I am not very modest.  I wasn't taught to feel ashamed of my breasts.  At the hospital I wore my gown backwards and open in front.  My breasts were always out.  I covered them up when certain people visited or we were taking photos, because if I'm not breastfeeding, I don't want just anyone to be able to see them, but otherwise they hung there for easy access for my newborn baby.  Plus they hurt and any fabric on them made it worse, so I kept the fabric off of them. 

I had to assure some people that I didn't care if they saw them, they were food producers now, maybe before they were for sexual arousal, but not anymore.  Sex was a good six weeks away and one of the farthest things from my mind immediately following the birth. 

The first time I nursed in public I did it in my car, mostly because we were so new to it, I was maybe only a week or two post partum, and we were still getting the hang of it, I needed less distraction, and the weather wasn't too bad.  I nursed at my coworker's wedding reception when he was 13 days old, and I kind of tried to use a scarf to cover him, but I found it difficult.  I really didn't want strangers ogling my boobs at that time. 

I found some private rooms that were nice for nursing in the Galleria, but did not find one in Southdale, so I nursed on a bench in the hall.  This was a little hard for me because my husband was in the bathroom at the time and I was still feeling kind of crazy from the birth and feared I would just start crying if anyone said anything.  But eventually I decided that I was going to feed him when he needed it, wherever he needed it.  If I knew of a room with a nice couch, sure I'd go there, but I would not avoid places because of breastfeeding.  So I fed him at a picnic table at Pride, in almost every restaurant we've been in, on park benches, and recently during a wedding ceremony.  I've fed him lying down on a blanket in the park too, and in my own yard.  He was born May 30th and nursed through some of the hottest weather we've had, no way was I going to cover him up, especially not his head. 

So why did I try to cover up once, and why did I fear strangers seeing my breasts, even though I was doing something so natural and good for my baby?  And it hit me today.  Normally it is illegal for a woman to be topless in public.  This is why they need to have separate breastfeeding laws that protect mothers who are feeding their babies.  Imagine a world where women could go topless.  Men already have that right.  I've seen countless men out jogging topless, sitting in parks topless, playing basketball topless, swimming topless of course.  We think nothing of it because men's nipples aren't seen as sexual.  But for anyone who's had any experience with sex, you know that a man can get just as much pleasure from his nipples as a woman.  They are still sexual areas on a man as much as a women.  And I can guarantee that some women and men too find the sight of a nicely sculpted bare chest a huge turn on, as much of a turn on as the sight of a pair of bare breasts. 

So why the double standard?  Why do men get to have their nipples out and women don't, even breastfeeding women get told to cover up?  It's arbitrary. 

Imagine a world where women could sunbathe topless and swim topless and hang out topless, as men have the privilege of doing?  Would it really be that bad?  I think breasts would be less sexualized, similar to a man's bare chest, still sexual, but not "OMGPONIES YOU CAN SEE HER TITTIES!!!"  I think this would do wonders for society. 

How many of us women obsess about how our boobs look?  How many men obsess about how their chest looks?  My guess is way less men wonder if their chest is perky enough or big enough or too big, or if their nipples are big enough or too big.  Or care if one nipple is inverted or a different size.  But my god, do women obsess about them, myself included.  We get implants and get them reduced and buy push up bras and fuss, fuss, fuss over our boobs, even though the size and shape of them have little effect on their primary function, which is to feed our babies. 

If women were allowed to have their boobs out, we might have a society less obsessed with them, and women less obsessed with them, and maybe, just maybe the body image of women in general would increase a bit.  Children would not grow up feeling ashamed of their boobs or the sight of others boobs.  Nor would people feel awkward around breastfeeding women because they would grow up around bare breasts and breasts that fed babies in public without it being a big deal. 

So, what are we waiting for?  We are told that women have equal rights; how about the right to have our chests bare wherever men normally do?  The right to not feel weird about feeding your baby the best food on the planet on demand.  I think breastfeeding rates would soar. 

A big thank you to all the women in my life that breastfed in front of me when I was growing up, you probably didn't know it then, but you paved the way for my own successful breastfeeding and the health of my son.  I have only now realized how amazing you all were for giving me the opportunity to see something so natural and wonderful, and how so few people do.  

Discovering My Philosophy

Before becoming a parent I did a lot of thinking about it.  Mostly about how awful it looked from the outside sometimes.  I worked with young children in my past and I didn't find it hard, but I would see all these struggles parents had and all these things the parents wanted to be different and wanted some control over.  It seemed like one long power struggle for some people.

This was long before I read up on any child-rearing practices, I was totally out of the loop on so many things, but it seemed like the average American parent was doing it all wrong.  One of my biggest anxieties about becoming a parent was, in fact, toilet training.  I did pretty horribly at it as a child and wasn't really accident free until I was 11 or 12 years-old.  This caused me a lot of shame and humiliation growing up.  I felt deeply that something was horribly wrong with me.  But I just didn't see an answer to it.  But when I stumbled across Elimination Communication (EC), I felt a huge sense of relief.  I bought the book "Diaper Free," read it in about two days and cried; I cried a lot.  I was happy and also looked back on my own childhood and felt like finally I wasn't the one who was wrong, I just grew up in a diaper-obsessed culture.  I KNEW I was going to do EC with my children; then toilet training wasn't a question anymore. 

To me, EC is the natural route, diapers and toilet training later in life is some invention of modern society that has some pretty hefty pitfalls. 

Breastfeeding was another no brainer for me.  Now that I've done it for ten weeks I can assure any mothers-to-be that breastfeeding is the easiest and best way to feed your baby, it's hard for the first month, but after that, it's way simpler than prepping formula and cleaning bottles.  I will have to pump, but, honestly, if I could never pump, or only pump a few times a month when I need to be away from baby, I would, but this would mean not working.  Pumping appears to still be easier than formula, but it's going to be a little hard.  Feeding from the breast requires no extra cleaning, prepping, storage, or anything really, and you can do it without getting out of bed.  It's magic.

Once I learned that a lot of people world-wide co-sleep, that also suddenly seemed like the easiest and best solution.  Baby leaves the bed when he's ready.  He feels secure in the knowledge that his parents will be there for him night or day.  I remember not feeling this security, wanting my parents but knowing they would be mad I was out of bed.  I don't want my children to ever not feel they can go to me, being present at night will help give my son this feeling.  I'm honestly not worried about him not being able to fall asleep on his own.  He's a baby!  He won't be a baby for long, someday he will put himself to bed.  I might as well enjoy these times we have together and just go ahead and end the anxiety over sleep before it even begins.  Another struggle I'm not going to engage in.

Another thing I learned of very recently is baby-led weaning, a super simple, super logical approach to solids.  I will never have to buy baby food or make purees.  It's all about trusting that your child will eat solids as he is ready.  No spoon feeding, no worry about how much solids he is getting.  I am so happy a friend told me about this.  Food; as a person who has suffered from an eating disorder, I am so glad I have found a way to make it a non-issue in the beginning.  I also hope to avoid the sugary, refined, tasteless kids foods.  My parents did really well with avoiding those, I don't think we ever had fish crackers or Kraft Mac and Cheese or Spaghettios or graham crackers or even white bread.  I was never a picky eater growing up.  I'm still a very adventurous eater, and super proud of it.  I'm amazed at how many fully grown adults are still very picky, maybe some of it is genetics, but I think a bunch of it is how we were introduced to foods and the attitudes surrounding food when we grew up.  I'm going to serve my baby the food we eat as much as possible, it's what he will be expected to eat later.

So I guess a lot of what I really get excited and passionate about in parenting are things that avoid struggles with my children.  So many times I feel that I see unhappy parents and unhappy kids, when it seems like they could both be happy with just a little bit of changes and some more realistic expectations.  It seems like a lot of people are trying to force their children to do something that's probably completely unnatural to the developing child; like formula, spoon feeding, diapering, toilet training.  I think if something is forced and something is causing a parent so much stress and worry and anxiety, it's probably worth doing something else.

It's normal to wonder if they are getting enough to eat, but it's another thing to force them to finish something they clearly aren't enjoying.  That's not fun for anyone!

My goal will be to avoid as many struggles as possible and to have tons of fun.  We can do it!