Today was a good day out for Cedric and I. We went to the Midtown Global Market and got food and we played at their play area and then went to the park to play because it was stupid warm out for November. It was a nice relaxing, fun time, with little drama. And we had this awesome time not because my kid is some super-well behaved toddler who is always calm and cheery. No, we had a good time because I let him be a toddler and didn't stress out.
But what I observed from some other parents was stress stress stress. This will probably come across as judgmental, maybe it is. I'm sure all you moms and dads are trying your best and you want what is best for your kid, but I have no idea how you keep up the high stress pace. I have an anxiety disorder and I'm calmer than you.
For me play time ideally is this: drop kid in play area, step out of play area, keep eye on kid, step in if kid is close to seriously hurting himself or another, or doing something destructive or very improper. (Sometimes I can play with, but really I don't want to be the main player, play time is for my son, not me. I like to watch him.)
At the MGM today I only felt a need to step in when he was trying to push the Cozy Coupe out of the play area (something very improper). I just redirected him to keep it in the play area while he screamed and had a tantrum for a few minutes, then he was on to something else. I also helped him on and off the bouncy horse because he's still too short.
Another parent literally followed her 20 month old around and TOLD him HOW to play with everything and often said he was doing it all wrong. I'm sorry, no one needs to tell a kid how to play, they know how. I've never shown my kid the "proper" way to play and he still does what everyone else does.
Also Cedric picked up some blocks that another kid was playing with and she angrily slapped them out of his hand, he was fine, but the other parent totally over-reacted. And of course did not take her daughter's feelings into any consideration. The message was simply that her kid was out of control and acting badly, not a very good message to send a child. Especially when the kid was actually acting completely appropriate for her age.
Like when my son had the tantrum over the Cozy Coupe. I didn't tell him his tantrum was wrong or bad, I fully expected the tantrum. I let it run it's course, I empathized with him, and then it was over.
So part of the reason we went out was to get away from the craziness of these other parents. At the park there is more space. Cedric played at the playground and then took a walk through the grass. When the hill got too steep he reached for my hand, when we got near the lake I told him "no farther" and he tested this limit several times, but he listened and went no farther. Then he held my hand when the hill got too steep again, and then got frustrated over trying to climb a slide and screamed when I put him in his stroller to go home because by this time he was very tired. He had walked a long way and it was nearing nap time.
It was a great trip out. I wasn't exasperated like other parents I've seen out with their kid. Going out is supposed to be fun, not a huge disciplinary task that you need full control over. Geeze, I can't imagine exerting that much energy. I think I do it better with less. I don't ignore, but I'm mindful of when to act and when to let go and leave the playground to wonder over the hills and along the lake. I am only along for the ride in my son's journey of life; I have little control in reality.
If you aren't having fun, you won't win at life. If parenting is a constant battle and a downer, even during the supposed "fun outing" times, something probably could change. I think I had a better day today than the majority of people I saw, and my kid is not some special genius child or anything.
