Round about four weeks ago, when I was 20 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I had my first ultrasound and they told me our boy was 15 ounces. Aww... just under a pound. Precious, little, alien-looking thing.
Today I am 24 weeks 5 days pregnant and we had another ultrasound to check some things they couldn't see on the first one and they told me his weight was 2 pounds 1 ounce. It took me a second, "uh, he more than doubled in size in four weeks!" After she looked at everything, the ultrasound tech told us she would let a doctor look over the pics and make sure he's grown enough. "Uh, he doubled in size, I sure hope that's enough!" I said.
She didn't say anything, but when the doctor came in she informed us that he was big, much bigger than most babies, in fact he's bigger than 96% of all fetuses his age. Then she said some things that made me wonder, the biggest head-itchers were: "He hasn't skipped many meals!" and "You really don't have to gain anymore weight at this point, baby will just take what he needs from you."
First of all, I don't think fetuses can voluntarily skip meals. This felt like she was saying I hadn't skipped any meals, but I don't think I'm supposed to be skipping meals, I'm pregnant! Maybe it was just a joke and she didn't mean it to come across as insulting, but it felt a little insulting. I was looking for reassurance, something like, "sometimes babies are big, it doesn't mean you have eaten too much or you have gestational diabetes, keep up the good work!"
Secondly, really, I could not gain ANY weight for the next three and a half months, when baby is putting on the most weight, and be fine? I mean, I guess I have some extra fat to spare, and I've already gained 25 pounds, but something tells me it would be hard to not gain any more weight.
We went to the grocery store after this and it hit me, "I haven't had a weight-neutral diet in years! I've either been losing or gaining weight since 2006!" I'm not sure how much I should eat to just maintain weight, especially during pregnancy.
Of course, she didn't say that I must not gain anymore weight, but said that it's OK if I don't. So I guess I'll wait until March 4th, when I have my next appointment with a midwife and ask her if she'd recommend cutting back the intake of food a bit. She will also do a screening for gestational diabetes. God, I hope I don't have that, I hope this big baby is just a combo of genetics and few too many Chipotle Burritos.
So as I was freaking out a little in the car ride home, Brent told me that he was in the 90th percentile for height when he was a kid. We don't have his fetal-growth records (no one does), and he doesn't know how big he was at birth (I was 7 pounds 10 ounces), but this could just be our son taking after his above average dad. We might just have a big baby that turns into a big kid that turns into a big adult.
If I do have the diabetes, then it will definitely mean watching what I eat more. So I guess I'll start now and try to select better foods, but I really feel like I already do that, I mean, I have days that go better than others, but in general I eat a lot of whole grains, nuts, beans, fresh fruit, lots of tomato sauces, I love hummus and baba ganoosh (spelled wrong) and falafel. I eat mostly chicken or fish instead of beef or fatty meats, I drink lots of milk, eat cottage cheese and yogurt. I even prefer non-sugary cereals like muesli. Probably the one thing I could eat more of would be vegetables, but I sometimes have raw veggies in my lunch, and often buy salads or load up on veggies in other areas (burritos, anyone?). There was that day I ate way too many Hot Tamales, and a couple dinners have consisted of pizza and ice cream, but over all I get a pretty varied diet, and there were veggies on that pizza! We also use a trans fat free, low saturated fat margarine instead of butter. Oh and we buy organic foods as much as our budget can stand it. Plus I take my prenatal vitamins and even an extra folic acid pill and fish oil. I might have one pop a week and limit my caffeine to one cup of coffee a day. Dammit, I feel like I'm pretty healthy!
Of course gestational diabetes can happen in healthy people too, and I shouldn't worry about having it until the test is telling me I do. And I would be thrilled to not gain another pound, ecstatic even, I hate that I'm already 25 pounds heavier, and have already gained 14 pounds in the second trimester, with more weeks to go. But I just don't see how I could not gain anymore. It even seems maybe dangerous to try to stop it. Baby should gain another 5 to 7 pounds.
And then of course is the fact that they can't really weigh him while he's in-utero. They make a guestimation based on measurements and compare these measurement to a bunch of other fetuses measurements. And, just as all children develop at different rates, so do all fetuses. Brent is now maybe only in the 70th percentile for height instead of the 90th. Maybe the Perry's are early growers. They pack on the pounds and height early on, then slow down near the end. And the both of us are a few inches taller than average, so it's to be expected that we'll have a slightly bigger, taller baby than average.
I guess it's too soon to think about basketball or football scholarships, but we can daydream about it for now.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
We're in a holding pattern, folks.
Wait and see has been our motto lately. The pregnancy is getting boring, which is a good thing, because it means everything is going well. The fetus is growing at a normal rate and mommy feels fine besides an extreme increase in heartburn.
And the rest of our lives are kind of on hold too. Mostly on the employment side. I'm trying to switch to part-time at my work after the birth, but unsure if they will find a part-time spot for me, which may mean trying to find a new job, or going completely broke. They tell me they will figure it out in Spring, but I don't think I should ask again on March 21st. Probably early May if I haven't heard anything. I really didn't think it would be this hard.
And Brent has a possibility of getting a promotion, and a possibility of unionizing his job and getting more involved in union work, or finding a new job too. Who the hell knows what will happen, but basically, both of our jobs are probably going to change somehow. They might still be with the same company, but it will be different.
So, we've been putting off looking for childcare for a while. Chances are we wouldn't need it until August sometime. And there's some chance we won't need it at all. That would be ideal for a while, we'd be working opposite shifts, but we've done that before, and we'd be able to save money.
Since we're crazy, hippy, commie people who want to breastfeed, skip the diapers, and eventually feed junior the same food we eat, I don't think baby will cost us that much the first couple years, outside of the birth itself and any other medical bills. Skipping daycare costs would fit in nicely with all of this. Plus I like the idea of having mom and dad alone with baby for a while each week. Mom gets to bond and dad gets to bond. Preferably I'd like baby to spend time with people it's going to know through it's life when neither of us can be with baby, like relatives, friends, and comrades. I never felt like I got to know my relatives very well when I was growing up. I want, like, a village of people around the baby. But people who will have meaningful, long-term friendships with the kid. Other adults this one can go to when mommy and daddy have gone insane and are no help to it.
But who are these people? My guess is they will crop up along the way. Some friends will stay close, others will drift off because we "have become lame ever since the baby was born." But I really hope a few outside of me and Brent fall in love with our baby. The resiliency of children increases when they have more adults who care about them. What if we both die? Right now I can't think of one person I'd feel really confident about leaving my child with. We have to figure this out, but it probably won't happen before the birth.
At times like this I really wish I had a sibling who I was close with who I knew would raise my kid well if I died, but right now, I have no one who fits the bill. Anyone I can think of, I don't know very well, and I have close friends who I know will be involved, but not any with children.
AH! Now I'm getting creeped out. I know it's unlikely that both Brent and I would die, but you have to plan for that, and I just can't even begin.
And the rest of our lives are kind of on hold too. Mostly on the employment side. I'm trying to switch to part-time at my work after the birth, but unsure if they will find a part-time spot for me, which may mean trying to find a new job, or going completely broke. They tell me they will figure it out in Spring, but I don't think I should ask again on March 21st. Probably early May if I haven't heard anything. I really didn't think it would be this hard.
And Brent has a possibility of getting a promotion, and a possibility of unionizing his job and getting more involved in union work, or finding a new job too. Who the hell knows what will happen, but basically, both of our jobs are probably going to change somehow. They might still be with the same company, but it will be different.
So, we've been putting off looking for childcare for a while. Chances are we wouldn't need it until August sometime. And there's some chance we won't need it at all. That would be ideal for a while, we'd be working opposite shifts, but we've done that before, and we'd be able to save money.
Since we're crazy, hippy, commie people who want to breastfeed, skip the diapers, and eventually feed junior the same food we eat, I don't think baby will cost us that much the first couple years, outside of the birth itself and any other medical bills. Skipping daycare costs would fit in nicely with all of this. Plus I like the idea of having mom and dad alone with baby for a while each week. Mom gets to bond and dad gets to bond. Preferably I'd like baby to spend time with people it's going to know through it's life when neither of us can be with baby, like relatives, friends, and comrades. I never felt like I got to know my relatives very well when I was growing up. I want, like, a village of people around the baby. But people who will have meaningful, long-term friendships with the kid. Other adults this one can go to when mommy and daddy have gone insane and are no help to it.
But who are these people? My guess is they will crop up along the way. Some friends will stay close, others will drift off because we "have become lame ever since the baby was born." But I really hope a few outside of me and Brent fall in love with our baby. The resiliency of children increases when they have more adults who care about them. What if we both die? Right now I can't think of one person I'd feel really confident about leaving my child with. We have to figure this out, but it probably won't happen before the birth.
At times like this I really wish I had a sibling who I was close with who I knew would raise my kid well if I died, but right now, I have no one who fits the bill. Anyone I can think of, I don't know very well, and I have close friends who I know will be involved, but not any with children.
AH! Now I'm getting creeped out. I know it's unlikely that both Brent and I would die, but you have to plan for that, and I just can't even begin.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Discipline instead of punish
The book I read that I almost wanted to buy for every parent out there is called The Science of Parenting by Margot Sutherland. Talk about having the evidence in front of you to back up what you are already feeling! This book goes through all the ways you can really screw up your child's brain, and also what to do to make your baby grow into a well functioning adult with high emotional intelligence and social skills. And it does it without telling you exactly what to do or exactly what they think kids should and shouldn't be doing. So it's preaching to you without being all preachy, if that makes sense. It give you the facts and case studies without saying you MUST do anything. Overall it advocates responding to your babies cries immediately and really explains why toddlers have tantrums and the different types they have. The only thing I didn't completely agree with was about time-outs. The book did say that they can be over used and used incorrectly, but I tend to think they can be not used at all.
Now I'm not saying that an occasional time-out will wreck your kid, but I'm not a fan of punishment. From the criminal justice system, to traffic tickets, to schools, workplaces, and children, I just don't think punishment works well enough. It works... some, but I'm picky, I want better than OK. Think about the last time you got a traffic ticket or a parking ticket, did it really make you want to drive better or follow the rules more carefully? Probably not, probably most of us swore and blamed the cop who gave it to us or some other jackass that deserved it more because he passed us going 75! I remember clearly getting a parking ticket in Stillwater for $10 and laughing all the way home about it with my friend. "Ten dollars! We pay more than that to park downtown!" We paid it and learned that parking too long in Stillwater will cost you a whole $10, big whoop.
Plus, I don't want children who obey and follow the rules, I want children who do the right thing even if it is against the rules. I want children who think for themselves and question what they read and hear about in school and the press. I want creative children who bend the boundaries and find new ways of doing things. Punishment to me only teaches obedience. Plus it just feels wrong in my heart. Now this doesn't mean a lack of discipline. I hope to discipline so hard I have no need to punish. I truly think that if we get to know our children really well and if children feel loved and secure in the world, then they will have less behavioral problems. On our part this will mean a lot of investigating, planning ahead, being pro-active, being flexible, and keeping a good sense of humor. I've seen a few misbehaving toddlers out there and thought, "I bet a toy would have solved this problem, that child is bored."
Our marriage vows included the vow to raise our children with kindness and compassion and it truly was the most important vow to me. I think when children are raised with kindness and compassion, without yelling, hitting, or punishing, then they will grow up to be kind, compassionate people who don't yell, hit, or punish. Not that I will never yell at my children, but I intend on apologizing and making things right after I do reach my breaking point. Brent, though, will probably never yell. I've never even heard him swear, unless he is retelling something that someone else has said or making a joke. I have never heard him swear in anger or frustration.
I just don't think we are motivated by punishment. I think we are motivated by good feelings and a sense of accomplishment. I'm not going to be able to send my 23 year-old to his room when he leaves the kitchen a mess and refuses to clean it up. Hopefully I have taught him how to clean and the importance of cleaning and have tried to make him feel good about coming home to a clean house. (I have to laugh at myself a little, our house is a mess. I'm hoping the fact that baby puts everything in his mouth will jump start our cleaning habits a bit).
Now I'm not saying that an occasional time-out will wreck your kid, but I'm not a fan of punishment. From the criminal justice system, to traffic tickets, to schools, workplaces, and children, I just don't think punishment works well enough. It works... some, but I'm picky, I want better than OK. Think about the last time you got a traffic ticket or a parking ticket, did it really make you want to drive better or follow the rules more carefully? Probably not, probably most of us swore and blamed the cop who gave it to us or some other jackass that deserved it more because he passed us going 75! I remember clearly getting a parking ticket in Stillwater for $10 and laughing all the way home about it with my friend. "Ten dollars! We pay more than that to park downtown!" We paid it and learned that parking too long in Stillwater will cost you a whole $10, big whoop.
Plus, I don't want children who obey and follow the rules, I want children who do the right thing even if it is against the rules. I want children who think for themselves and question what they read and hear about in school and the press. I want creative children who bend the boundaries and find new ways of doing things. Punishment to me only teaches obedience. Plus it just feels wrong in my heart. Now this doesn't mean a lack of discipline. I hope to discipline so hard I have no need to punish. I truly think that if we get to know our children really well and if children feel loved and secure in the world, then they will have less behavioral problems. On our part this will mean a lot of investigating, planning ahead, being pro-active, being flexible, and keeping a good sense of humor. I've seen a few misbehaving toddlers out there and thought, "I bet a toy would have solved this problem, that child is bored."
Our marriage vows included the vow to raise our children with kindness and compassion and it truly was the most important vow to me. I think when children are raised with kindness and compassion, without yelling, hitting, or punishing, then they will grow up to be kind, compassionate people who don't yell, hit, or punish. Not that I will never yell at my children, but I intend on apologizing and making things right after I do reach my breaking point. Brent, though, will probably never yell. I've never even heard him swear, unless he is retelling something that someone else has said or making a joke. I have never heard him swear in anger or frustration.
I just don't think we are motivated by punishment. I think we are motivated by good feelings and a sense of accomplishment. I'm not going to be able to send my 23 year-old to his room when he leaves the kitchen a mess and refuses to clean it up. Hopefully I have taught him how to clean and the importance of cleaning and have tried to make him feel good about coming home to a clean house. (I have to laugh at myself a little, our house is a mess. I'm hoping the fact that baby puts everything in his mouth will jump start our cleaning habits a bit).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)