We are nearly 6 months of doing Elimination Communication (EC) with our baby, who is nearing 10 months of age.
Recently I came to this conclusion: EC is not hard. It's hard because it's not typical. There isn't a lot of support for it and you could go your whole life in the US without seeing it in action. This is why it is hard. EC itself is not hard. I see it as similar to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding itself is the easiest way to feed and comfort your children, but it's a hard thing to do because of the lack of support and education for it. It's also possible to go your whole life without seeing someone breastfeed in front of you in the US. No wonder rates are so low.
So, no wonder almost no one does EC in this country. No wonder it's seen as this super hard thing that you'd have to be crazy to try to do. I'm going to say that it's NOT hard. You can do it! If you are thinking about doing it, I want to say that I believe that you can. I did it, and I am lazy and easily discouraged. You can do it part time, you can say, "fuck it" and not do it for a few days to have a break. You can do it when you are working full time. You can have your baby in diapers most of the day and still practice EC for a few hours a day. This is not something that only the stay at home moms with infinite patience can do. I have terrible patience. I'm not someone who can delay gratification very well. But I'm doing it. You can do, all you have to do is try and keep it up.
I also have to say that the progress is not a straight line, it goes up and down and I think the most important thing is to not let the misses and the potty strikes get to you. Those of us who do EC are pioneers in many countries. We need to accept that there is little support. Therefore even catching one pee a day is triumphant.
Some days I catch a ton of pees, some days I'm lucky to catch one pee. Poops have become harder to catch because he doesn't give me good clues as to when they are coming. 80% of the time he has a diaper back up on. I give him some naked time to help his bottom air out. Sometimes this means I have to clean up some pee or poop off the floor, but it's not often.
Some days I feel too stressed or tired or crabby to attend to the EC, so I don't. I give myself a break. But I pretty much always try to catch after sleep and after nap pees because those are the easiest. If I just do that for the next few months, I'm fine with it.
I have to admit that in the beginning I was really freaked out. I felt bad when I didn't try to catch the pees. Now I have relaxed and realized that part time EC really does work and that I'm not setting him up for failure by letting him go in his diaper sometimes. After all most parents don't even attempt any kind of pottying until their child is 2 or 3.
I also have found a little support. I have met a few parents who are doing EC. I met one women who did it part time with her daughter and she was out of diapers at 14 months! I'm hoping for diapers to be done by 18 months for Cedric. Ambitious, yes, but not impossible.
It does mean I need to pay attention to his potty needs more than the average parent of a toddler, but I think in the long term it will all be easier than trying to potty train a 2 year-old. Much like breastfeeding, which can be difficult to do for a newborn, soon becomes way easier than formula feeding. More thought and energy up front for an easier time later. This is starting to become a general parenting philosophy of mine.
EC is totally non-coercive. I don't punish or reward him for using or not using the potty. I offer it and he usually chooses to use it; sometimes he doesn't. I have found that sometimes he will go a little in his diaper and then stop until I bring him to the potty, where he will finish. Sometimes I find his diaper a little wet after stroller walks or outings where I felt too rushed or stressed to try to potty him. I almost always try to potty him when we get home after being out, and he almost always goes in the potty. Sometimes when he does go on the floor, I simply say, "Pee goes in the potty." And I bring him to the potty. But I'm not stressing too much. Sometimes I reply for him and he says, "I'm a baby, what do you expect?"
Co-sleeping helps a lot. He often stays dry all night, but sometimes he wakes up and wiggles way more than usual and I know he needs to pee, sometimes I get him to the potty and sometimes I'm too tired to get him to it on time. When he wakes up for good around 7 am, I put him on the potty right away and he pees a bunch usually.
I don't feel magically in tune with my baby. It's not some hippy, new-age thing, it's just a practical way of dealing with pee and poop. I question everything in regards to parenting. I had to question the mostly unquestioned diapering and late potty training that everyone seems to do, and what I found was an alternative. The alternative was EC and after researching it I knew it was what I wanted to do. And now that I've done it for nearly 6 months, I know I will keep it up and that I will do it with all of my children. Much like I know that I will breastfeed and that I will always attempt an un-medicated birth; I've done it now, I got through it and didn't give up, and now I can't imagine doing it differently.
I am a pioneer. I am in the minority. A growing minority, but a minority still. I am grateful that I had the education about EC and the courage to try it. I was discouraged by many others, and all I have to say about those of you who are thinking about trying it, is to do it, and don't listen to the discouraging words of others. Don't listen when they say it will be hard, when they say you are crazy, when they say it doesn't work in our society. Because there is a growing few who have proved that all wrong in the US. And millions of babies around the world are proving them all wrong everyday.
I felt overwhelmed in the beginning, mostly because I wasn't sure this would all work and I wasn't sure I was doing it enough, but I did it. Aren't most new things like that, though? I was overwhelmed during labor, I was overwhelmed during the first few weeks of breastfeeding, I was super overwhelmed at caring for a newborn. I was also overwhelmed when I started my first full time job. I was overwhelmed while buying my first house, while planning my wedding, while choosing a major in college.
Life isn't an easy ride. Parenting isn't an easy thing to do. But I don't think the actual physical and mental requirements are that high. Even you can breastfeed and do EC and discipline gently. It just takes a lot of time and a lot of courage and a lot of support, which sometimes you have to go and find or create yourself.
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