Another question that's been asked a lot. I guess I know what people actually mean, "where is the baby going to sleep?" But it sounds like they are wondering what room we store it in. Baby will probably spend most of it's first six month or so attached to one of us, either being carried, in a baby sling, on our lap, or laying next to us.
It won't have its own room for a while. It doesn't really need it's own room and I think even the flawed American Pediatrics Association, or whatever it's called, recommends baby sleep in your room for the first year. Hopefully this will mean baby (and parents for that matter) will be content to sleep in bed with us. I might get a co-sleeper bassinet that attaches to the side of the bed, just in case the bed feels too small or I can't sleep that close to the baby. But I so don't want to buy anything.
I hear stories of people spending thousands of dollars before the birth on baby stuff, and I just wonder what they bought. What on earth do you need? I'm convinced it's corporations making parents feel they need to buy all this junk. Junk you will only use for the first one, maybe two years at most. Some of it you'll only use for a couple months, and some of it you will stare at and never use and wonder why you ever bought it.
Luckily I'm having a baby in the summer. I'm pretty sure it will go without much clothes the first three months of it's life. We have a window air-conditioner, but that's it, and it still gets quite hot in the bedroom at night some days. Also, I refuse to turn the air-conditioner on unless it's really, really hot. I prefer the windows to be open anyway. So if I feel mostly OK with windows and fans, I skip the AC. This means baby will be hot too, and will probably be naked most days of the summer, with maybe some light sleep wear. We can worry more about clothes when baby is mobile and it starts getting cold.
We will need a good car seat, that is one thing I won't skimp on. One thing I don't quite get is when people carry the baby inside, still strapped to a clunky car seat. Maybe it feels easier this way, but it looks way harder, you go from carrying one infant to carrying one infant encased in plastic and fabric. Wouldn't it be easier to have it in a sling strapped to your chest? Same with these HUGE strollers I see. It seems like the smaller the infant, the bigger the stroller. Again, one tiny infant verses one tiny infant in a huge stroller you have to push and navigate around. I can see using a stroller when baby is older, maybe when baby is content to sit and watch the world and is becoming too big to carry comfortably for longer periods, but until then, I hope to not be caught dead pushing a plastic monstrosity on wheels. And I hope to leave the car seat in the car as much as possible.
I've also heard from other parents that a high chair is often not used more than it is used. It sits in the corner of the kitchen gathering dust. Might as well skip that purchase and keep baby on my lap for a while, then move onto chair. I also absolutely hate baby food. I see no point to it. There is no reason baby can't eat the food you are eating most of the time. I also hate the dreaded sippy cup! Is it wrong that I would much rather deal with many, many, spills in the beginning than to deal with a sippy cup and then many, many, spills later in life? I also hope to introduce spoon and fork use early on. I think spoon feeding baby food into babies' mouths will only delay their progress to eating well on their own.
I could be crazy, but usually young kids want to be independent, might as well let them be. I think toddlerhood is a good time to have them start having chores to do. They probably won't realize it's chores, but they can pick up their toys and other things like that. I will probably have to wipe the entire table myself after having them help wipe up, but at least they are doing something. Too often I see an eager child wanting to help with the dishes and parents just say no because they think it will take too long or they will break things. That's not the point. Try having them do nothing for years and then suddenly when they are teenagers demanding that they do things; it won't work.
So I'm kind of in the mindset that less is more. Baby does not need an entire room dedicated to their nursery. How long are you really going to be spending in just one room anyway?
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Is that a baby moving around inside of me?
I think I can feel it! I'm 90% sure that I am feeling our little peanut kick, elbow, jab, and wiggle around. I'm 17 weeks and 3 days pregnant, so it's getting to be prime baby feeling time. Could just be the uterus stretching, but this feels more localized. It could also be gas or my digestive tract doing something, but it feels very uterine. I have a good idea where my uterus is because I can feel it very well when I'm having a contraction.
Yes, you have contractions before labor starts, actually you have them before getting pregnant, your uterus contracts all the time, it's just that you can't feel it until you are pregnant. I think I felt my first contraction about two months into the pregnancy. This might be too much info for a lot of you, but my contractions all happen after orgasm. Until a couple nights ago, I felt one while in bed, it just happened randomly. It was a little disconcerting, but it stopped and there were no others. Random contraction... ok.
They don't hurt either. It just feels like a squeeze, no pain. I'm going to assume this is normal, and they probably get stronger and more painful later on.
So anyway, this means I know where my uterus is, and something was kicking the walls of my uterus, sometimes painfully, sometimes not. And I think sometimes it hit my bladder too. I think we can rule out any kind of intelligent design when you realize that the uterus sits directly on top of the bladder during pregnancy. I can already feel this. As soon as I stand up, I feel the need to pee. My bladder is compressed and will only get more compressed as the weeks go on. At the same time, since about Day 1, my thirst has doubled; so not only do I have a smaller bladder, I have to drink more fluids. This means peeing all the time. Especially if I am on my feet. I can ignore it a bit longer if I am sitting.
A few days ago, after months of feeling like I have a baby girl growing inside of me, I was convinced that I was having a boy. How can my intuition change like that all of a sudden? My only thought is that I think fetuses all start as "girls" and then the boys eventually have their scrotum sewn up and a penis forms and testes descend. So maybe I was feeling "girl" because it wasn't quite differentiated as a "boy" yet, but now that all the sex parts are in place I can sense it's "boyness."
I wouldn't have believed anyone could sense their fetuses gender before I got pregnant myself. But soon after getting knocked up, I just had this sense. Maybe it's because it's so hard to think about a person without assigning it some kind of gender.
Maybe my mind switched because we will have our big ultrasound in the next month or so and I'm second guessing myself so that I predict that I'm having a girl and a boy and therefor can't be wrong. Or maybe it's because I have a slight preference for having a girl, so I don't want to be too disappointed, so now I'm switching to boy to try to prepare myself. Either way it's all mostly subconscious.
Yes, you have contractions before labor starts, actually you have them before getting pregnant, your uterus contracts all the time, it's just that you can't feel it until you are pregnant. I think I felt my first contraction about two months into the pregnancy. This might be too much info for a lot of you, but my contractions all happen after orgasm. Until a couple nights ago, I felt one while in bed, it just happened randomly. It was a little disconcerting, but it stopped and there were no others. Random contraction... ok.
They don't hurt either. It just feels like a squeeze, no pain. I'm going to assume this is normal, and they probably get stronger and more painful later on.
So anyway, this means I know where my uterus is, and something was kicking the walls of my uterus, sometimes painfully, sometimes not. And I think sometimes it hit my bladder too. I think we can rule out any kind of intelligent design when you realize that the uterus sits directly on top of the bladder during pregnancy. I can already feel this. As soon as I stand up, I feel the need to pee. My bladder is compressed and will only get more compressed as the weeks go on. At the same time, since about Day 1, my thirst has doubled; so not only do I have a smaller bladder, I have to drink more fluids. This means peeing all the time. Especially if I am on my feet. I can ignore it a bit longer if I am sitting.
A few days ago, after months of feeling like I have a baby girl growing inside of me, I was convinced that I was having a boy. How can my intuition change like that all of a sudden? My only thought is that I think fetuses all start as "girls" and then the boys eventually have their scrotum sewn up and a penis forms and testes descend. So maybe I was feeling "girl" because it wasn't quite differentiated as a "boy" yet, but now that all the sex parts are in place I can sense it's "boyness."
I wouldn't have believed anyone could sense their fetuses gender before I got pregnant myself. But soon after getting knocked up, I just had this sense. Maybe it's because it's so hard to think about a person without assigning it some kind of gender.
Maybe my mind switched because we will have our big ultrasound in the next month or so and I'm second guessing myself so that I predict that I'm having a girl and a boy and therefor can't be wrong. Or maybe it's because I have a slight preference for having a girl, so I don't want to be too disappointed, so now I'm switching to boy to try to prepare myself. Either way it's all mostly subconscious.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Meternity leave or lack there of.
So I have starting looking in to this maternity leave business and you know what I've determined, there is really no such thing in this country. We have FMLA, but it only helps you if you've been with the company for over a year (try not to get knocked up so soon!), and if your company employs more than 50 people (your shit out of luck, you small business workers). Oh, and the other fact: IT'S UNPAID! Now, I knew all this well before getting pregnant, but I'm not one of those people that's going to wait around for things to get better. I fight for them, and when I can't do that all day long, I guess I have to deal.
I have to face that fact that even if my employer lets me carry over two weeks of PTO and I use up all my short term leave, less than half of my 12 weeks, that I really want to take, will be paid for. That means about 5 weeks will be paid for; daycare centers won't even take babies less than 6 weeks old, so I HAVE to take unpaid time off, there is no way around it. After I figured that out; it seems that if I need to take a week unpaid, I might as well take another 6 unpaid and bond with my baby.
Actually I feel like working until my water breaks and taking exactly 480 hours off, just to use it to my whole advantage. I'll labor at work if you make me!
But really this whole thing just makes me depressed. Especially living in a country that constantly talks about family values. I would stay at home and just focus on caring for my children in an instant, but you know what, they don't pay you to do that. And we can't afford to live on just Brent's wage. Part of me is afraid that I will freak out and refuse to go back to work, refuse to leave my baby with someone else. Then what? What do we cut? Food? Health care? Transportation? Could I go back to riding the bus to get groceries with an infant? I guess I could if I needed to.
I actually think I would freak out more about not working. I need something that I have to be at or I get into really big trouble. Even if it's just a couple days a week. I've been unemployed before, I got nothing done. There was no reason to go to bed, no money to spend, no reason to get up in the morning. Now, I would have a baby, but that's different than a job that starts at a certain time. Plus I want my own money to spend how I see fit. Brent and I haven't combined our bank accounts yet, mostly out of laziness, but really, we don't see a point to it yet. Bills keep getting paid.
I try to write up a budget for after baby comes, but it's so hard. I think the main expense will be the birth. And I don't even know how much that will cost me out of pocket. This is partially why I say, "well, the plan right now it to give birth at HCMC," because what if it ends up not being covered for some reason. My insurance is still trying to straighten out my prenatal appointments from this year. I don't know if they will be 100% covered, or not covered at all. I can't seem to find anything online that tells me this info. And I'm not ready to venture into their phone system.
So, I guess we are going to fly by the seat of our pants for a while. Some would say, "why did you have a baby you might not be able to afford?" Well, because a baby's affordability is not something you think about when deciding to have a baby. I would be creeped out by anyone who first looked at their finances. Also, the way I see it, the world is pretty messed up and is getting worse everyday, now's as good a time as ever.
I have to face that fact that even if my employer lets me carry over two weeks of PTO and I use up all my short term leave, less than half of my 12 weeks, that I really want to take, will be paid for. That means about 5 weeks will be paid for; daycare centers won't even take babies less than 6 weeks old, so I HAVE to take unpaid time off, there is no way around it. After I figured that out; it seems that if I need to take a week unpaid, I might as well take another 6 unpaid and bond with my baby.
Actually I feel like working until my water breaks and taking exactly 480 hours off, just to use it to my whole advantage. I'll labor at work if you make me!
But really this whole thing just makes me depressed. Especially living in a country that constantly talks about family values. I would stay at home and just focus on caring for my children in an instant, but you know what, they don't pay you to do that. And we can't afford to live on just Brent's wage. Part of me is afraid that I will freak out and refuse to go back to work, refuse to leave my baby with someone else. Then what? What do we cut? Food? Health care? Transportation? Could I go back to riding the bus to get groceries with an infant? I guess I could if I needed to.
I actually think I would freak out more about not working. I need something that I have to be at or I get into really big trouble. Even if it's just a couple days a week. I've been unemployed before, I got nothing done. There was no reason to go to bed, no money to spend, no reason to get up in the morning. Now, I would have a baby, but that's different than a job that starts at a certain time. Plus I want my own money to spend how I see fit. Brent and I haven't combined our bank accounts yet, mostly out of laziness, but really, we don't see a point to it yet. Bills keep getting paid.
I try to write up a budget for after baby comes, but it's so hard. I think the main expense will be the birth. And I don't even know how much that will cost me out of pocket. This is partially why I say, "well, the plan right now it to give birth at HCMC," because what if it ends up not being covered for some reason. My insurance is still trying to straighten out my prenatal appointments from this year. I don't know if they will be 100% covered, or not covered at all. I can't seem to find anything online that tells me this info. And I'm not ready to venture into their phone system.
So, I guess we are going to fly by the seat of our pants for a while. Some would say, "why did you have a baby you might not be able to afford?" Well, because a baby's affordability is not something you think about when deciding to have a baby. I would be creeped out by anyone who first looked at their finances. Also, the way I see it, the world is pretty messed up and is getting worse everyday, now's as good a time as ever.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
No, we don't have any names yet.
Other than, "do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" "do you have names for the baby yet?" is the next most asked question.
We don't.
It feels way too early. Actually I don't think we'll have it narrowed down fully until after birth. I kind of want to meet the baby before I name it, it doesn't seem right to name something that you haven't seen yet. There is moderate possibility that we won't even begin the name searching until after the birth. We are kind of procrastinators. I'm pretty sure we'll be buying baby essentials when I'm in my ninth month. We'll probably have a stop at Target on the way home from the hospital.
If our wedding is anything to compare this too, we won't be totally prepared until the last moment. Less than two weeks before our wedding is when we actually got our vows figured out and started writing our toasts. Actually my toast was going to be much more thought up and I planned on saying much more, but a few days before the wedding all I had written down were a few bullet points:
-Thank guests
-Thank friends (especially Manda)
-Thank wedding party
-Thank Brent's family
-Thank my family
That's it. I ended up leaving out a lot of stuff I wanted to say. Oh well, we were still married and the guests had a good time even if some of them weren't as thoroughly included in my toast as I would have liked. For instance many people who came to our wedding were people I hadn't seen in a long time and I wanted them to know I really appreciated the fact that they came anyway.
So you can see how I'm pretty sure our baby will be Baby Girl or Baby Boy for a couple days.
The most I've done so far is underlined about 50 names in the "Cool Names for Baby" book. 50 names is hardly a narrowing down. I could list them all, but we might not even pick from that list. All I know is the name will be a name, not something we make up, and it will be unique. It will make half of you go, "what???" and the other half of you go, "that's awesome!!!"
The rule of saying your baby's name as "President of the United States [baby's name here]" to make sure it will be a good one, does not work for us. So instead I plan on saying, "great revolutionary leader [baby's name here]." If it sounds right, then I know we will have a winner.
We don't.
It feels way too early. Actually I don't think we'll have it narrowed down fully until after birth. I kind of want to meet the baby before I name it, it doesn't seem right to name something that you haven't seen yet. There is moderate possibility that we won't even begin the name searching until after the birth. We are kind of procrastinators. I'm pretty sure we'll be buying baby essentials when I'm in my ninth month. We'll probably have a stop at Target on the way home from the hospital.
If our wedding is anything to compare this too, we won't be totally prepared until the last moment. Less than two weeks before our wedding is when we actually got our vows figured out and started writing our toasts. Actually my toast was going to be much more thought up and I planned on saying much more, but a few days before the wedding all I had written down were a few bullet points:
-Thank guests
-Thank friends (especially Manda)
-Thank wedding party
-Thank Brent's family
-Thank my family
That's it. I ended up leaving out a lot of stuff I wanted to say. Oh well, we were still married and the guests had a good time even if some of them weren't as thoroughly included in my toast as I would have liked. For instance many people who came to our wedding were people I hadn't seen in a long time and I wanted them to know I really appreciated the fact that they came anyway.
So you can see how I'm pretty sure our baby will be Baby Girl or Baby Boy for a couple days.
The most I've done so far is underlined about 50 names in the "Cool Names for Baby" book. 50 names is hardly a narrowing down. I could list them all, but we might not even pick from that list. All I know is the name will be a name, not something we make up, and it will be unique. It will make half of you go, "what???" and the other half of you go, "that's awesome!!!"
The rule of saying your baby's name as "President of the United States [baby's name here]" to make sure it will be a good one, does not work for us. So instead I plan on saying, "great revolutionary leader [baby's name here]." If it sounds right, then I know we will have a winner.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Here comes the hormones!
The first few weeks after conception I felt kind of crazy hormonally, but then it went away and I evened out for a couple months, but the last week or so I've been feeling on edge again. Little things will set me off. A couple days ago I got a letter from Medica, who is my old insurance provider. Apparently my clinic has billed my new insurance company and my old one. Of course my old one isn't going to pay.
Over the course of about 20 minutes, in my head, this went from, "well that's weird..." to "HOW DARE THEY!" Then Brent, my husband, got home from work.
Now I was irate and I explained how stupid our clinic was. OK, I didn't explain, I yelled about how stupid they were and how much time they are wasting at my expense. Oh, if only it could all end there. I can't have a blow up of anger without feeling horrible about how mad I got at something little. So now I move into anxious, sad mode.
I sit on the floor of our living room, make Brent sit next to me and basically tell me how I'm still a good person and wife and mother to be, while I bite my fingers and cry. This scene has happened a few times before, especially in the past when I was PMSing. It goes something like this:
"I'm crazy!" I say.
"You're not crazy." He says.
"Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones."
"You'll be OK."
"But what if this never stops, what if this is just the beginning and I do this all the time?"
"Then we'll figure it out."
"No! You're supposed to say, "that probably won't happen!""
"That probably won't happen."
"I feel like you don't deserve me."
"Well, I like being with you."
"Really? You like this?"
"Yeah."
"You like when I sit on the floor and cry and refuse to let you leave my side and bite my fingers?"
"Yes. You don't do this all the time."
Well, I'm guessing this wasn't his most fun point in our marriage, but he's definitely signed on for the whole package. We had many conversations during our engagement where I said, "I'm probably not going to change, ever. Don't marry me and expect that I will be different, OK?" This never came up because he had a complaint, it came up because I would do something I didn't like; that I knew wasn't the best; and I felt he needed warning. Warning: You are about to marry Andrea, do you understand what this means and the depth of your commitment, do not sign unless you understand the full terms of this agreement!
And then there is the 17 inches of snow we got that has made driving terrible. I drive ALOT for my work. I seriously skipped my commie branch meeting yesterday because I refused to be in a car anymore. I could not make myself be a driver or a passenger again that night. My commute is doubled some days. I feel like calling in sick tomorrow just to avoid the driving. I won't.
Over the course of about 20 minutes, in my head, this went from, "well that's weird..." to "HOW DARE THEY!" Then Brent, my husband, got home from work.
Now I was irate and I explained how stupid our clinic was. OK, I didn't explain, I yelled about how stupid they were and how much time they are wasting at my expense. Oh, if only it could all end there. I can't have a blow up of anger without feeling horrible about how mad I got at something little. So now I move into anxious, sad mode.
I sit on the floor of our living room, make Brent sit next to me and basically tell me how I'm still a good person and wife and mother to be, while I bite my fingers and cry. This scene has happened a few times before, especially in the past when I was PMSing. It goes something like this:
"I'm crazy!" I say.
"You're not crazy." He says.
"Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones."
"You'll be OK."
"But what if this never stops, what if this is just the beginning and I do this all the time?"
"Then we'll figure it out."
"No! You're supposed to say, "that probably won't happen!""
"That probably won't happen."
"I feel like you don't deserve me."
"Well, I like being with you."
"Really? You like this?"
"Yeah."
"You like when I sit on the floor and cry and refuse to let you leave my side and bite my fingers?"
"Yes. You don't do this all the time."
Well, I'm guessing this wasn't his most fun point in our marriage, but he's definitely signed on for the whole package. We had many conversations during our engagement where I said, "I'm probably not going to change, ever. Don't marry me and expect that I will be different, OK?" This never came up because he had a complaint, it came up because I would do something I didn't like; that I knew wasn't the best; and I felt he needed warning. Warning: You are about to marry Andrea, do you understand what this means and the depth of your commitment, do not sign unless you understand the full terms of this agreement!
And then there is the 17 inches of snow we got that has made driving terrible. I drive ALOT for my work. I seriously skipped my commie branch meeting yesterday because I refused to be in a car anymore. I could not make myself be a driver or a passenger again that night. My commute is doubled some days. I feel like calling in sick tomorrow just to avoid the driving. I won't.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'm not as worried as everyone seems to think I should be.
If there is one thing I am getting sick of, it's people telling me which ages are the most fun for kids, and which ones aren't. As if I can skip a few years if I just try harder. I try to joke saying, "that's when you ship them off to a special island, right?" I seem to be looking forward to the ages that everyone says is hard. First of all people keep going on and on about how babies change everything. I get it, people.
I'm aware that my main duty will become "mother." I don't think I would, nor should anyone, have gotten pregnant on purpose without realizing that this changes everything. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe I wanted a change? I'm not going to be one of those people who is trying to live life as she used to before kids. I'm ready for kids, I want the lifestyle change, I'm going all in. I'm scared, sure, but not like, "OMG my life will be over!"
The next part people talk about is toddlerhood, which is probably what I look forward to the most. They change so much from 1 to 3 years old. I hear it's a challenging couple of years, but it's over so fast, which is probably a shame, really. When I see kids in these ages they are usually so funny and active, I want to steal one. But I hear so many complaints. So many that I feel pain inside. It truly bothers my insides when people complain about their kids. I've told Brent many times, "I never want to complain about our kids." It just seems like it does no good, no person alive today has not acted like a one or two year old. Some kids are easier than others, but there is nothing wrong with them.
If I've learned anything from working with adults with developmental disabilities its that if something is going wrong it's usually something I need to change, not the adult with the disability. I usually need to change my approach, tone of voice, physical stance, or whatever. Now, sometimes it can take a while to figure this out, especially when you are first getting to know someone. But I figure I will know my child better than anyone; this should make this easier. I hate to get all proud of myself already, but I really feel like I will be able to figure stuff out without complaining about normal things that toddlers do. Some of it is pure attitude.
Then most people say the school age years are great, but these years sound boring to me. Not bad, just boring. I'm sure my mind will change when I get there.
Then of course everyone talks about how HORRIBLE the teen years are, which actually completely throws me off, especially when my own mother talks about it. I scratch my head. I try to think of what I did to make her not like parenting me then. When I look back I don't see much trouble at all. I got decent grades, I didn't get into any trouble; I never stole the car. What the hell? I was a good teenager!
I did have a mood disorder I was dealing with, but that came from things like having an alcoholic father and being uprooted at age 11 and thrown haphazardly into a step-family that didn't accept me very well. For the record I love both my parents very much, but there were a couple things that got really messed up there. So I'm thinking, "I could have been so much worse for them!" I could have done lots of drugs or had unprotected sex, I could have gotten pregnant, I could have stolen money or shoplifted. Christ! I was well behaved for what I was dealing with. Much better than some of my friends.
So I kind of grew up thinking I was the worst it could get as far as teenagers go, and I don't plan on taking up alcoholism, getting divorced, or really doing anything huge that could mess up my kids, so I'm not too worried about teenagers. I'm looking forward to when they start to become adults, I really want to see the final product. I want to see what career choices they make, who they start dating, what neat clothes they wear, I can't wait to have Manda help them with their make-up! Lord know I know very little about make-up.
It just seems like people look at their kids and go, "I wish they were different," instead of, "how can I help them be better, or what did I do wrong?" I don't plan on being perfect, but I do plan on re-evaluating what I do many times. I plan on doing things a lot differently than my parents did, mostly because I can look back and see which things didn't work and which things really did hurt me. Probably everyone can. I sure hope so!
I'm aware that my main duty will become "mother." I don't think I would, nor should anyone, have gotten pregnant on purpose without realizing that this changes everything. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe I wanted a change? I'm not going to be one of those people who is trying to live life as she used to before kids. I'm ready for kids, I want the lifestyle change, I'm going all in. I'm scared, sure, but not like, "OMG my life will be over!"
The next part people talk about is toddlerhood, which is probably what I look forward to the most. They change so much from 1 to 3 years old. I hear it's a challenging couple of years, but it's over so fast, which is probably a shame, really. When I see kids in these ages they are usually so funny and active, I want to steal one. But I hear so many complaints. So many that I feel pain inside. It truly bothers my insides when people complain about their kids. I've told Brent many times, "I never want to complain about our kids." It just seems like it does no good, no person alive today has not acted like a one or two year old. Some kids are easier than others, but there is nothing wrong with them.
If I've learned anything from working with adults with developmental disabilities its that if something is going wrong it's usually something I need to change, not the adult with the disability. I usually need to change my approach, tone of voice, physical stance, or whatever. Now, sometimes it can take a while to figure this out, especially when you are first getting to know someone. But I figure I will know my child better than anyone; this should make this easier. I hate to get all proud of myself already, but I really feel like I will be able to figure stuff out without complaining about normal things that toddlers do. Some of it is pure attitude.
Then most people say the school age years are great, but these years sound boring to me. Not bad, just boring. I'm sure my mind will change when I get there.
Then of course everyone talks about how HORRIBLE the teen years are, which actually completely throws me off, especially when my own mother talks about it. I scratch my head. I try to think of what I did to make her not like parenting me then. When I look back I don't see much trouble at all. I got decent grades, I didn't get into any trouble; I never stole the car. What the hell? I was a good teenager!
I did have a mood disorder I was dealing with, but that came from things like having an alcoholic father and being uprooted at age 11 and thrown haphazardly into a step-family that didn't accept me very well. For the record I love both my parents very much, but there were a couple things that got really messed up there. So I'm thinking, "I could have been so much worse for them!" I could have done lots of drugs or had unprotected sex, I could have gotten pregnant, I could have stolen money or shoplifted. Christ! I was well behaved for what I was dealing with. Much better than some of my friends.
So I kind of grew up thinking I was the worst it could get as far as teenagers go, and I don't plan on taking up alcoholism, getting divorced, or really doing anything huge that could mess up my kids, so I'm not too worried about teenagers. I'm looking forward to when they start to become adults, I really want to see the final product. I want to see what career choices they make, who they start dating, what neat clothes they wear, I can't wait to have Manda help them with their make-up! Lord know I know very little about make-up.
It just seems like people look at their kids and go, "I wish they were different," instead of, "how can I help them be better, or what did I do wrong?" I don't plan on being perfect, but I do plan on re-evaluating what I do many times. I plan on doing things a lot differently than my parents did, mostly because I can look back and see which things didn't work and which things really did hurt me. Probably everyone can. I sure hope so!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Instead of my step-sister's number you gave me a psycho's.
So today is the day of my mom's and my step-family's little Christmas celebration., which we have named Little Christmas. Actually it's usually one of the biggest Christmas celebrations I go to because there is 11 of us now. It's also the day of the biggest snow storm since 1991. Seriously we have about 8 inches of snow on the ground and it's going to keep snowing all day long. Right now it's about a quarter to noon.
Brent shoveled our driveway and we tried to get our car out of our little street in Minneapolis today. Fail. MY mother insisted that they will eventually plow our street. I told her that Minneapolis snow emergencies take about three days to complete, they will declare one tomorrow and start plowing at 9 pm Sunday and won't finish until Tuesday morning, which is when our street will finally be completely plowed. Minneapolis only plows main roads and highways during the actually snow, we aren't fancy like Edina, where she lives. I'm sure they've been down her street several times now.
So I called and said we will not be making it this year and our only hope is if my step-brother can pick us up. I called his cell and left a message and realized I didn't have his wife's cell or their home phone, if they have one. My mom didn't have it either so gave me my step-sister's phone number, who should have all the numbers of all the step-family.
Well I called the number and there was a small "Hello." and I said, "Hi, this is Andrea." Silence. "Um, I'm trying to reach Allison." Silence. "Hello? Hellooooo?" I hung up. Then my phone wouldn't call anywhere and I asked Brent to try the number. He got a person to actually talk to him and he said it was the wrong number. Oops, either I wrote it down wrong or my mom said it wrong. But by this time my step-brother had gotten back to me, so I didn't need it anymore.
But then a number I didn't recognize called my cell and I picked up and said "hello" and they hung up on me. I soon realized that this was he same number I had called a little bit ago, the one I thought was Allison's, but wasn't.
OK. What the fuck? First I call you and get no response, I figure something went wrong with the phones, then my husband gets a hold of you, then you call me and hang up? I'm already on edge because of this snow and pregnancy, and the Little, Ginormous Christmas that might not happen, and now you hang up on me? Why not ask me why I called? It's possible that we got disconnected and it seemed like I hung up on you, but really, give me a break. Calling me back to hang up on me it just ridiculous! I will refrain from calling you back and hanging up on you or yelling at you, but that is what I want to do.
So these psychos that I accidentally called are becoming the scapegoat for my crabbiness today. Way to snow on the day that I'm supposed to do a lot of driving to go somewhere fun. You ruined Christmas! I wish I was a kid again, because this would all seem fun, but right now it's just a big headache.
And seriously phone people, grow up!
Brent shoveled our driveway and we tried to get our car out of our little street in Minneapolis today. Fail. MY mother insisted that they will eventually plow our street. I told her that Minneapolis snow emergencies take about three days to complete, they will declare one tomorrow and start plowing at 9 pm Sunday and won't finish until Tuesday morning, which is when our street will finally be completely plowed. Minneapolis only plows main roads and highways during the actually snow, we aren't fancy like Edina, where she lives. I'm sure they've been down her street several times now.
So I called and said we will not be making it this year and our only hope is if my step-brother can pick us up. I called his cell and left a message and realized I didn't have his wife's cell or their home phone, if they have one. My mom didn't have it either so gave me my step-sister's phone number, who should have all the numbers of all the step-family.
Well I called the number and there was a small "Hello." and I said, "Hi, this is Andrea." Silence. "Um, I'm trying to reach Allison." Silence. "Hello? Hellooooo?" I hung up. Then my phone wouldn't call anywhere and I asked Brent to try the number. He got a person to actually talk to him and he said it was the wrong number. Oops, either I wrote it down wrong or my mom said it wrong. But by this time my step-brother had gotten back to me, so I didn't need it anymore.
But then a number I didn't recognize called my cell and I picked up and said "hello" and they hung up on me. I soon realized that this was he same number I had called a little bit ago, the one I thought was Allison's, but wasn't.
OK. What the fuck? First I call you and get no response, I figure something went wrong with the phones, then my husband gets a hold of you, then you call me and hang up? I'm already on edge because of this snow and pregnancy, and the Little, Ginormous Christmas that might not happen, and now you hang up on me? Why not ask me why I called? It's possible that we got disconnected and it seemed like I hung up on you, but really, give me a break. Calling me back to hang up on me it just ridiculous! I will refrain from calling you back and hanging up on you or yelling at you, but that is what I want to do.
So these psychos that I accidentally called are becoming the scapegoat for my crabbiness today. Way to snow on the day that I'm supposed to do a lot of driving to go somewhere fun. You ruined Christmas! I wish I was a kid again, because this would all seem fun, but right now it's just a big headache.
And seriously phone people, grow up!
Friday, December 3, 2010
First Hiccup.
We had a prenatal appointment today. I've been looking forward to this one for a while because at this one we were going to hear the heartbeat. The midwife tried to find it at our 8 week appointment, but failed. I wasn't worried then, just disappointed. 8 weeks is sometimes too early to hear the heart beat, usually between 10 and 12 weeks is when it becomes audible by Doppler. Since my appointment was for 13 weeks and 5 days I was 100% certain that we would hear it loud and clear.
So I've been telling people about this upcoming appointment for a while, "we're going to hear the baby's heartbeat at our next appointment!" Is what I've told pretty much anyone I've talked to about the pregnancy since the last appointment. This was a huge thing for me. I don't feel very pregnant; just been sick and fatigued. It's hard for me to believe that a being is growing inside of me.
Today we drove in the snow storm to the appointment.
So here I was at my appointment that I had been looking forward to for weeks. The Doppler was on my tummy with a bunch of goo. I was about the hear the heartbeat and then this would all feel real to me. And the midwife searched... and searched... and searched. Then she felt for my uterus to better position the Doppler, and she searched some more. I was holding back tears by this point, and as soon as she gave up I started crying. She was very good with me and told me that sometimes heartbeats aren't found, but everything is fine. She said my uterus felt big enough for 13 weeks, but that she would send me to the hospital to get an ultrasound anyway.
We were given time to relax and ask some other questions we were wondering about then they sent us downtown to the Labor and Delivery unit. As soon as we left the clinic I said, "Crap! I forgot about the snow!"
Through the snow Brent drove us to the hospital, and now that we were alone, I started crying again. I just didn't know what to think. I needed to know that everything was alright, and I knew that everything probably was alright, but not knowing was horrible, and I just couldn't think about what to do if something was wrong.
The ultrasound went very quickly, they had been told that we were coming and let me change into a gown, put a bunch of goo on my tummy again and plunged the wand into my uterus. This I was not expecting, they really have to push it in to get a good image. The nurse was standing in the way of my view of it and I said, "I can't see." "I know these things are so blurry," the doctor said. I didn't have the heart to say, "um, no, I mean I can't see through your nurse!" I just moved my head around her and she got the picture. Then we saw it, I could tell right away that there was a head and a body, and I even saw the little flutter of the heartbeat. Relief.
They assured us that it looked healthy and was an appropriate size for 13 weeks. "Can we get a picture of this?" I asked, and they easily printed it out right from the machine. Then I cried again.
Walking out of the hospital my eyes were glued to the picture they had given me. "Well now we know for sure we are only having one."
So I didn't get to hear the heartbeat, but I got to see it, and now I have our baby's first picture. So if you subtract the worry and the driving in the snow storm, this was a blessing in disguise. And now it feels very real because I've seen the fetus inside of me; I have physical proof.
So I've been telling people about this upcoming appointment for a while, "we're going to hear the baby's heartbeat at our next appointment!" Is what I've told pretty much anyone I've talked to about the pregnancy since the last appointment. This was a huge thing for me. I don't feel very pregnant; just been sick and fatigued. It's hard for me to believe that a being is growing inside of me.
Today we drove in the snow storm to the appointment.
So here I was at my appointment that I had been looking forward to for weeks. The Doppler was on my tummy with a bunch of goo. I was about the hear the heartbeat and then this would all feel real to me. And the midwife searched... and searched... and searched. Then she felt for my uterus to better position the Doppler, and she searched some more. I was holding back tears by this point, and as soon as she gave up I started crying. She was very good with me and told me that sometimes heartbeats aren't found, but everything is fine. She said my uterus felt big enough for 13 weeks, but that she would send me to the hospital to get an ultrasound anyway.
We were given time to relax and ask some other questions we were wondering about then they sent us downtown to the Labor and Delivery unit. As soon as we left the clinic I said, "Crap! I forgot about the snow!"
Through the snow Brent drove us to the hospital, and now that we were alone, I started crying again. I just didn't know what to think. I needed to know that everything was alright, and I knew that everything probably was alright, but not knowing was horrible, and I just couldn't think about what to do if something was wrong.
The ultrasound went very quickly, they had been told that we were coming and let me change into a gown, put a bunch of goo on my tummy again and plunged the wand into my uterus. This I was not expecting, they really have to push it in to get a good image. The nurse was standing in the way of my view of it and I said, "I can't see." "I know these things are so blurry," the doctor said. I didn't have the heart to say, "um, no, I mean I can't see through your nurse!" I just moved my head around her and she got the picture. Then we saw it, I could tell right away that there was a head and a body, and I even saw the little flutter of the heartbeat. Relief.
They assured us that it looked healthy and was an appropriate size for 13 weeks. "Can we get a picture of this?" I asked, and they easily printed it out right from the machine. Then I cried again.
Walking out of the hospital my eyes were glued to the picture they had given me. "Well now we know for sure we are only having one."
So I didn't get to hear the heartbeat, but I got to see it, and now I have our baby's first picture. So if you subtract the worry and the driving in the snow storm, this was a blessing in disguise. And now it feels very real because I've seen the fetus inside of me; I have physical proof.
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