If there is one thing I am getting sick of, it's people telling me which ages are the most fun for kids, and which ones aren't. As if I can skip a few years if I just try harder. I try to joke saying, "that's when you ship them off to a special island, right?" I seem to be looking forward to the ages that everyone says is hard. First of all people keep going on and on about how babies change everything. I get it, people.
I'm aware that my main duty will become "mother." I don't think I would, nor should anyone, have gotten pregnant on purpose without realizing that this changes everything. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe I wanted a change? I'm not going to be one of those people who is trying to live life as she used to before kids. I'm ready for kids, I want the lifestyle change, I'm going all in. I'm scared, sure, but not like, "OMG my life will be over!"
The next part people talk about is toddlerhood, which is probably what I look forward to the most. They change so much from 1 to 3 years old. I hear it's a challenging couple of years, but it's over so fast, which is probably a shame, really. When I see kids in these ages they are usually so funny and active, I want to steal one. But I hear so many complaints. So many that I feel pain inside. It truly bothers my insides when people complain about their kids. I've told Brent many times, "I never want to complain about our kids." It just seems like it does no good, no person alive today has not acted like a one or two year old. Some kids are easier than others, but there is nothing wrong with them.
If I've learned anything from working with adults with developmental disabilities its that if something is going wrong it's usually something I need to change, not the adult with the disability. I usually need to change my approach, tone of voice, physical stance, or whatever. Now, sometimes it can take a while to figure this out, especially when you are first getting to know someone. But I figure I will know my child better than anyone; this should make this easier. I hate to get all proud of myself already, but I really feel like I will be able to figure stuff out without complaining about normal things that toddlers do. Some of it is pure attitude.
Then most people say the school age years are great, but these years sound boring to me. Not bad, just boring. I'm sure my mind will change when I get there.
Then of course everyone talks about how HORRIBLE the teen years are, which actually completely throws me off, especially when my own mother talks about it. I scratch my head. I try to think of what I did to make her not like parenting me then. When I look back I don't see much trouble at all. I got decent grades, I didn't get into any trouble; I never stole the car. What the hell? I was a good teenager!
I did have a mood disorder I was dealing with, but that came from things like having an alcoholic father and being uprooted at age 11 and thrown haphazardly into a step-family that didn't accept me very well. For the record I love both my parents very much, but there were a couple things that got really messed up there. So I'm thinking, "I could have been so much worse for them!" I could have done lots of drugs or had unprotected sex, I could have gotten pregnant, I could have stolen money or shoplifted. Christ! I was well behaved for what I was dealing with. Much better than some of my friends.
So I kind of grew up thinking I was the worst it could get as far as teenagers go, and I don't plan on taking up alcoholism, getting divorced, or really doing anything huge that could mess up my kids, so I'm not too worried about teenagers. I'm looking forward to when they start to become adults, I really want to see the final product. I want to see what career choices they make, who they start dating, what neat clothes they wear, I can't wait to have Manda help them with their make-up! Lord know I know very little about make-up.
It just seems like people look at their kids and go, "I wish they were different," instead of, "how can I help them be better, or what did I do wrong?" I don't plan on being perfect, but I do plan on re-evaluating what I do many times. I plan on doing things a lot differently than my parents did, mostly because I can look back and see which things didn't work and which things really did hurt me. Probably everyone can. I sure hope so!
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