Here comes the hormones!

The first few weeks after conception I felt kind of crazy hormonally, but then it went away and I evened out for a couple months, but the last week or so I've been feeling on edge again.  Little things will set me off.  A couple days ago I got a letter from Medica, who is my old insurance provider.  Apparently my clinic has billed my new insurance company and my old one.  Of course my old one isn't going to pay. 

Over the course of about 20 minutes, in my head, this went from, "well that's weird..." to "HOW DARE THEY!"  Then Brent, my husband, got home from work. 

Now I was irate and I explained how stupid our clinic was.  OK, I didn't explain, I yelled about how stupid they were and how much time they are wasting at my expense.  Oh, if only it could all end there.  I can't have a blow up of anger without feeling horrible about how mad I got at something little.  So now I move into anxious, sad mode. 

I sit on the floor of our living room, make Brent sit next to me and basically tell me how I'm still a good person and wife and mother to be, while I bite my fingers and cry.  This scene has happened a few times before, especially in the past when I was PMSing.   It goes something like this:

"I'm crazy!" I say.
"You're not crazy." He says.
"Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones."
"You'll be OK."
"But what if this never stops, what if this is just the beginning and I do this all the time?"
"Then we'll figure it out."
"No! You're supposed to say, "that probably won't happen!""
"That probably won't happen."
"I feel like you don't deserve me."
"Well, I like being with you."
"Really?  You like this?"
"Yeah."
"You like when I sit on the floor and cry and refuse to let you leave my side and bite my fingers?"
"Yes.  You don't do this all the time." 

Well, I'm guessing this wasn't his most fun point in our marriage, but he's definitely signed on for the whole package.  We had many conversations during our engagement where I said, "I'm probably not going to change, ever.  Don't marry me and expect that I will be different, OK?"  This never came up because he had a complaint, it came up because I would do something I didn't like; that I knew wasn't the best; and I felt he needed warning.  Warning:  You are about to marry Andrea, do you understand what this means and the depth of your commitment, do not sign unless you understand the full terms of this agreement! 

And then there is the 17 inches of snow we got that has made driving terrible.  I drive ALOT for my work.  I seriously skipped my commie branch meeting yesterday because I refused to be in a car anymore.  I could not make myself be a driver or a passenger again that night.  My commute is doubled some days.  I feel like calling in sick tomorrow just to avoid the driving.  I won't.