Happiness is a warm baby by your side

I have not updated in a while.  Because I went back to work full time, which meant I pretty much had no free time.  I'd miss baby at work and then go home and spend all my time off of work with baby and maybe have a friend over on Saturday or Sunday for a few hours.  I spent a lot of time crying and telling Brent that, "I can't do it anymore!" 

So I quit my job.  I gave them four weeks notice, because I like my job and want four weeks to not worry about money, but to know that the end is near.  I'm also looking for part time work. 

One of my friends said that I've never looked happier than when I'm with my baby.  I know they say that children won't bring you happiness, but, dammit, I don't believe it.  After the initial post-partum insanity (and I felt pretty nuts) ended, I really do feel so happy.  Maybe it's all the happy chemicals that go into your system while breastfeeding.  I've been laughing way more.  I used to get crabby or feel overwhelmed when something went wrong.  But the last time I dropped a container of left overs on to the floor and was looking down at dinner spilled on the floor, I laughed.  I laughed hysterically for a few minutes.  Then the self with all of our canned goods and dry goods collapsed the other day and I laughed too, and then calmly repaired the shelf. 

Maybe it's because once you have a baby, ALL that matters is that baby.  You would die for it, or starve, or eat glass to protect that baby.  Dinner spilled on the floor doesn't matter, a broken shelf doesn't matter, water in the basement (our current problem) doesn't matter.  We'll fix these minor problems with our stuff.  Things can be replaced; people can't. 

So is that happiness?  The ability to not stress over the small stuff? 

Or is it that I fall asleep next to this little warm, wonderful baby every night?  I used to dread night coming when I was newly post-partum, the Sun would set and I would cry, "I hate night."  "Night" was definitely something we had to learn how to do, but now night is one of the most wonderful bonding times I have with baby.  I definitely would not sleep well if he wasn't next to me. 

There must be happy chemicals that come out when you sleep next to someone you love.  I get to sleep next to two people I love.  Who needs the money?  We'll figure out how to live on less money, we make more than we need right now, we'll just have to save less every month, but I do hope we can eventually get to where we are saving at least $100 a month or more.  We have big plans with our savings; it might just take a few extra years, but parenthood is not efficient in anyway.  We will have to accept this fact. 

I still want to work two or three days a week; to have some adult interaction and let Brent have some alone time with the baby.  Plus we really need to have more income than Brent gets through his job; unless we want to sell the car, get rid of our cellphones, internet, and cut payments to my student loans significantly.  I guess we could do all that if we need to.  My car will be paid off in June, so that will help.  Although I'll need to do some major maintenance work next year too (shocks and struts are expensive). 

It's never been more apparent to me that money does not bring happiness.  If I were making a million dollars I year, I think I would still quit my job.  Happiness isn't money, it's a warm baby by your side.