I'll be 37 weeks pregnant in 2 days, which is the semi-official full-term marker, although they're starting to think 38 weeks is better because 1/4 of babies born at 37 weeks end up in the NICU. So here's hoping for at least 9 more days of gestation.
We've got the car seat, the co-sleeper, the cloth diapers, tons and tons of clothes, a good amount of baby toys, a couple potties, a mei tai carrier, some books, and a couple hand fulls of other stuff. The birth plan is in and the water birth agreement is signed. We have some vague idea of how much the prenatal care and birth will cost (guess what, it's not cheap!). I have to remind myself that we essentially saved $200 a month by switching me to Brent's insurance, which has a lower copay for regular office visits, but seems to have crappier coverage for being hospitalized and being seen as an out patient pregnant woman at the hospitals clinics. $200 a month is like $2400 a year, which is more than the extra cost will be, I believe.
I've been putting off dealing with bills from the hospital, because they bill all over the place and last time I called to pay something they told me not to and that they were still arguing with the insurance company. Right now, I'm thinking birth center for the next baby. At this point they look to be cheaper for care completely not covered by insurance than what we will pay for a hospital birth with insurance coverage. Plus, sometimes insurance does pay birth centers. I also still need to call my insurance company to see if they will pay for my birth doula, which I'm guessing not, because they didn't even pay for the standard hospital prenatal classes (there goes another $144).
In fact, if I could avoid a hospital for the rest of my life and all the crazy billing that goes with it, I would love that. Time to stay healthy.
We lack space mostly, I'm still looking at our queen sized bed and the co-sleeper and wondering how we will all fit and get to sleep. I'll let you all know later how it worked out. I also look at my boobs and think, "really, baby will only need these?" I can read and learn all about lactation, but I still can't imagine it very well in my head or my life. I have to remind myself that babies are little and people with less space than us raise children. Plus there's a big park one block away and about 6 playgrounds within a few blocks, and there's even a clinic that has family practitioners within walking distance. We could raise this baby without a car and still rarely take the bus.
Right now we need a dresser that can double as a changing table, because right now most of our baby clothes and items are piled up on the floor. I have the space for one all cleared up, I just need to go find something that will work. Then I think we will have mostly everything we really need for at least a couple weeks.
Whether or not we will need any day care is still unknown. Which is hard because I hear it's a hard thing to find. I just have to have faith that we'll find someone responsible to watch our baby if needed. Or that Brent will find some higher paying job and I can work occasionally for a while around his schedule. Work, I hear, is also hard to find.
What I am done with is being pregnant. I am so done with being pregnant. I would like this pregnancy to end today. I don't feel anything magical about my expanding waistline anymore, just itchiness and stretch marks and almost 50 extra pounds of weight. And I started getting stretch marks back in week 20. And some of the benefits of pregnancy are ending. My skin is no longer dry and clear, it's getting super oily and my acne is coming back, why this is, I don't know, but I think it totally stinks. And the lack of menstrual period is now replaced with a leaky bladder. Usually just a few drops, but still annoying and uncomfortable. I want the baby out and I want to lose a huge amount of weight, and being able to have a glass of wine would be nice too. My body doesn't feel like mine and no matter how much Brent tells me that I'm beautiful, I don't feel beautiful. I feel fertile, very fertile and primitive and earthly and sometimes that's cool, but sometimes I just want to lay on my stomach and drink wine and wear slip on shoes that don't hurt, or maybe even heels.
And I'd like to be a mother already! But I think more than being a mother, I'd like to not be pregnant anymore. I get it, I've gone through pregnancy now, I've experienced it, I've had a life grow in me, it was way less magical and interesting that I thought it would be. Mostly it was long and uncomfortable and boring. That fetus grows slowly and there are very few changes with him and I sure don't feel like I'm connected to him. I want a baby not a fetus. I just had to grow a fetus to get a baby. I hear some mothers mourning their pregnancies and I just don't feel that I will. I'll mourn the extra attention and the vast amount of laziness I could get away with, but that's about it. And even the attention can get annoying and the laziness comes with the price of feeling pain and being tired and putting on a bunch of weight. I'm very confused by those who like being pregnant, and for the most part I had an easy pregnancy. People LIKE this? Months 5,6, and 7 weren't too bad, but the rest I really will not want to repeat anytime soon.
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