And then in ninth month...

I think the ninth month of pregnancy needs it's own category because it is so different from every other month of pregnancy.  I think I've had it pretty easy and it still sucks. 

It's a bit like coming down with temporary bi-polar disorder.  I have just enough in me to get through work, and then when I get home all chaos seems to break loose.  I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm everything in 30 minutes.  I cry a lot.  Brent can't do anything right even though he's doing nothing wrong.  The children in the neighborhood are too loud and I've been known to cry, "I hate children, I don't want children anymore, they suck!"  Or "kids are insane!  What the hell are we doing?" 

Then I will get a very primal feeling of being one with my baby and feel so horribly in love that I can't imagine ever letting go of him.  Which I guess is OK, mother and child are one unit for a while there; even after birth baby does not have a sense of being separate, I don't have to let go of him for a while. 

There are times when I've had contractions and thought, "no, not now, I feel too insane to go through labor today!"  On one hand, I am anxious to meet him,but on the other I feel we aren't ready and I'm not relaxed enough to get through it the way I need to.  I may stop working soon for my own mental health, physically I can do 99% of my job, but mentally at the end of the day, even if work goes really smoothly, I just have nothing left to give. 

Interestingly for the last four or five days I've been getting mild contractions every evening, they tend to start around 5 or 6 pm and last until I go to bed around 10.  No real pattern to them, but every once and a while I detect a 10-15 minute pattern, but it doesn't last long.  I might be having them all day for all I know, I just have time to notice them after work.  And my work is really not that stressful!  I like my job.  That's what's weird. 

Other strange things about the ninth month are that maternity pants don't work anymore, they simply cannot stay up because you have too much belly.  So I've switched to skirts and dresses.  Also, even if you are healthy, like me, you swell up and can't wear your wedding ring anymore, or most of your shoes.  It helps to have a partner that is willing to rub your feet; I have that!