Our second anniversary is on the 21st of this month. Our wedding was rated as the funnest wedding my grandmother has ever been to, which I feel I should get some sort of trophy for, because she went to four of her own children's weddings and probably many others, but I at least won the title of "most fun." It ended with us giving away full bottles of wine to the guests who stayed to the bitter end and helped us clean up, so that's a small indication of it's awesomeness. Actually, many people have said what a great night it was, which always makes me feel good because I planned the entire thing myself pretty much, with a little input from my husband to be, but really, it was me.
One thing I do kind of regret is not having an after party, but I was exhausted, we had a (ahem) marriage to consummate and an early plane departure in the morning.
The honeymoon was the best vacation I've ever been on. It was truly a wonderful week.
And then we got pregnant, on purpose! Nothing quite abruptly ends a honeymoon period like the first trimester of pregnancy. Then 9 months and 9 days exactly after our wedding, I gave birth.
14 months into our marriage I quit my job to have more time with my infant. And since then it's been a small roller coaster of financial unknowns and instability, nothing horrible, yet, but not like it was before. Most recently my husband got a very good promotion and a month later found out the company is dissolving in November.
It might seem fast, but we met in 2005, had been dating since 2007 and had been living together since 2008. Meeting to baby took nearly 6 years. Wedding was actually kind of secondary to having babies. We had our children in our vows. Our wedding might as well have been a "we're going to begin to try to conceive" party. This probably sounds like something the right-wing anti-birth control Christians would like, but I think the main point of our marriage was to conclusively commit to each other for the better of the babies we really wanted to have ASAP.
We really wanted kids, really, really. I'm so glad I waited until I did, but I don't think I could have waited even one more month.
Kids strain marriage. If you think it's going to strengthen your marriage, think again. I think in the long run it will have a strengthening effect. When we look back at this period in our lives we will say, "it was hard, but we did it and came out the other end with world's more knowledge and feeling very fulfilled."
Luckily we are very committed to each other and are very in love and even like the other person. Mostly I've learned that you have to let go of a lot. I'm finally feeling better about not doing as much. I just don't have the energy. I say I might go to things and often don't show up. Don't take it personally, I probably really wanted to go and then got home from work and didn't want to leave again. It's a short-term thing, for probably the next 5 to 10 years.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I will not always have babies. They will always be my babies, but they will grow up.
When Cedric was just a month old, I was over at my aunt and uncle's house and my uncle said, "I remember the newborn stage being the low point. Kids mostly improve with age." And I think he's totally correct. I like 14 month old Cedric more than 9 month old Cedric and 9 month old Cedric was better than 1 month old Cedric. And when I babysit this 4 year old, I'm like, 4-year-olds are super easy! They might talk your ear off, but they use the toilet and dress themselves and don't have to be carried up the stairs and they listen pretty well.
And if you've been awesome enough to raise responsible teens, you can leave them for a week and go on a vacation without them. Oh I hope I'm awesome enough to do that.
I'm guessing we will view these first few years of marriage as not our best, but ones that laid the foundation of resilience and perseverance. We've actually had very few disagreements about the actual parenting we are doing, which is great, we are on the same page.
The baby himself is great, it's everything that comes along with the baby that is stressful. Even the most confident parent can have great feelings of doubt, I believe. The contradictory info is in every parenting topic and you have to make hard decisions, ones that could possibly effect your child, another human being, for the rest of his life. No pressure or anything, just the rest of this child's life is all.
I hear the second one is easier.
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