This has taken me a while to realize. And I'm sick of one word right now, "Balance." More and more people are saying this word. Things like, "it's all about balance." When referring to life with kids. I think I've figured it out and it's not about balance. Balance is a fallacy. You can't have it all. Something will always suffer or get put on the back burner. And this is the reality with all of life. Not just for those of us with kids. Stop trying to "balance" you life. Accept that things will get neglected.
Life is full of tough decisions and some of the toughest happen when we have kids. My biggest first tough decision was with my work. I gave up my decently paying job when Cedric was 5 months old because I wanted more time with him. This was not an easy decision. I cried a lot about this decision. I also both regretted it and was happy about it. It meant that we really didn't have enough money. I had to live with the consequences of my decision, both the good ones and the bad ones. I now believe that every decision has both good and bad consequences. There aren't "good" decisions and "bad" decisions, there are only decisions. Of course finding out good info can help you, but there is always a negative to anything you do, especially in the big decisions. And there is always a choice.
There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything we want to do.
Right now, my political work is next to nothing. Something that was important to me before I got pregnant. Politics are still important to me, but my priorities have changed and I simply cannot devote much time to socialism. It sucks. It wasn't easy to decide to not do a lot. It doesn't just mean a slightly weaker movement, it means my relationship with my comrades has declined. I'm not as close to them as I would like to be. Political work is not in a balance, it's been thrown off the scale, into the dirt. If we lived in a society that did more shared child care, maybe this would be different.
I remember when I was actively trying to lose weight. I remember how much time and effort it seemed to take. I realized that I would really have to make weight loss a priority and let other things go if I was going to lose the weight I wanted. A tough decision. Planning to eat healthy food and get in some exercise takes a lot of time.
Right now I'm choosing to write this blog entry while my son plays by himself on the floor and my husband mows the lawn. He's playing with our shoes, luckily he's not putting too much stuff in his mouth these days. I'm letting that go, he can't destroy our shoes and I'm OK with him getting some dirt into him. I find I let a lot of things go with our son. I keep him away from dangerous things, but just don't have the energy to worry about little things.
So lets all give each other a break. First let's realize we all have options. There is always a choice. There are always positives and negatives to that choice. And we will always regret some of the choices we make, sometimes while simultaneously enjoying the same choice. I'm all for parents staying home with their kids, I see this as an ideal, but I know how tough of a decision that is to make, you can't somehow balance it and make more money appear. You can't advance your career while also spending lots of quality time with your kids, sorry, you have to choose and only you can choose it, and it will be a hard choice to make, one you will probably question frequently. And no one can tell you which choice is best for you. You will NOT find a balance, give it up.
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