OK. I gotta jump on the band wagon and blog about the TIME cover featuring a mother breastfeeding her three-year-old with the title, "Are You Mom Enough?" Why attachment parenting drives some mothers to extremes."
Awesome that she is breastfeeding a three-year-old, contrary to popular belief, this is actually not an extreme. You know what else isn't an extreme? Attachment parenting. If anything, it's for lazy people.
I've been hanging out with one group of local attachment parents at Powderhorn Park almost every Thursday for about 6 months. I'm still a newbie, but I've learned some things about these parents. I can only speak for the group I am involved with, but probably about a dozen regular parents show up most weeks. "Extreme" is not what they are about.
We have some things in common, most of us are white, most of us are married or partnered, most of us don't have regular day jobs (hence we can show up to a play group on Thursday afternoon), and most of us have at least one kid under five.
If you are picturing some kind of Attachment Parenting cult or exclusive club, where members are kicked out for using a crib, this is not the place. We lean more in one direction, for instance, most of us breastfeed or have breast-fed our kids. Most of us do at least some co-sleeping, or did. Most of us, if pregnant, are trying to go for a natural birth. Most of us at least own some kind of baby wearing sling or wrap or other carrier.
What I've found is a group of very relaxed parents. And a group of very attached, happy-looking kids. There is very little yelling, no punishments, no power struggles, no bribery. And the kids are also not yelling much or throwing tantrums, or running away from their parents, or hitting their parents or other kids. Basically seems to be a group of well adjusted children. Children I want to have.
I would not say extreme is the word to describe them. I'd say the better word is "thoughtful." Yes. These are thoughtful parents, they research and choose the birth place right for them. They choose the feeding method that is best for them. They find the sleeping arrangement that works for them. They discipline with thought instead of knee-jerk reactions. They figure out the best school for their kids or lack thereof.
But similarities end there. Most of us work at least part time, some full time, some even own their own businesses. Some of us home-school, some of us find privet schools, some find charter, some find public. I definitely have an opinion about what is best there, but making one decision one way or the other doesn't make you an attachment parent. Some of us use day care sometimes, some of us have nannies or have had them, some of us juggle our schedule so that our babies are mostly always with one parent or the other (HINT: It's what Brent and I do).
Some of us had attachment parents and some of us are doing everything different from our parents. Difference with purpose, to do better, to have our children have a better life than we did. Some of us vaccinate, some of us don't. Some of us are vegan or gluten-free or dairy-free, some of us eat plenty of meat and cheese.
Some of us do elimination communication, some of us use disposables on our three-year-olds. Some of us totally use strollers, in fact, a lot of us use strollers. We babywear, but we also use strollers, this is not an either/or type of a thing.
So where is the extreme? It this just about "extended" breastfeeding? Typical weaning of a child who is left to wean on his own is between 2 and 7 years with the average being somewhere around 4 years. 4 years is a biological norm. We've gone so far from this that breastfeeding after 6 months is not typical anymore in the US.
This TIME magazine cover makes me want to breastfeed my kids until kindergarten. I doubt I will make it that long, but for now, it works for me and I can't imagine voluntarily giving it up anytime soon.
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