Seriously, screw the first trimester.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant today, which means I'm into my second trimester finally.  The nausea is down quite a bit, but not totally gone.  I don't notice an energy change, but there is hope.  The really bad part should be behind me. 

Screw that.  Good riddance to that awful 1st trimester.  For me it goes something like this:

Week 3-5:  Cry a lot and not feel like myself.
Week 6: Start to feel like self again and less cry-y.
Week 6-12:  Feel hung over for 6 weeks straight.

Of course, historically, what is next to come is:

Week 13-17: Have month-long migraine. 

Then...

Week 18: Start leaking pee.

But NOTHING is more awful that nausea.  If my pregnancies were unwanted, week 6 is when I would have ended both of them without any thought.  Perhaps the nausea is to make me double check that I want another child. 

And nothing gets rid of it completely for me.  I even took Zofram.  Fuck you Zofram, you barely did anything.  Right now I feel 100% convinced that this will be our last kid, no way will I put myself through another pregnancy. 

Last pregnancy I never really reached a point of liking the pregnancy.  It was always in the way and causing me some kind of problem.  I did not bond with my fetus very much at all.  I just wanted to get it over with.  I was hoping for this time to be different, but so far, not so much. 

January can't get here fast enough.  Even with how hard last post partum was, at least my body wasn't being invaded by an alien creature controlling every aspect of my body.  I had my body back and saw good changes happening to it quickly. Plus I could take a shit load of Advil, no problems. 

On a good note, I actually do have less symptoms this time, no heartburn yet, and very little bowel trouble.  I do feel dizzy this pregnancy, though, which is kind of annoying, that one is new this time around. 

And I know I should be grateful for what appears to be another low-risk, uncomplicated pregnancy.  But it's hard to do when you feel like crap for a month and a half. 

In a couple weeks I'm seeing a neurologist for what will probably be a "please give me narcs" appointment.  But maybe he'll have a prophylactic that will work for migraines too.  I got my first migraine with the strange aura yesterday.  I only get auras during pregnancy and post partum.  And only during the fourth month of pregnancy too, so weird.  No one can explain that to me either. 

I hate the lack of explanation.  With how many people have migraines in this country, you'd think they'd know this stuff.