So we got to the hospital around 8 pm after laboring at home for about 12 hours. We luckily had a copy of my birth plan on us, because they never actually got it into my file. They looked it over and asked me if I still didn't want to know how dilated I was. I told them that I only want to know if I'm dilated enough to get into the water birth tub; you have to be 5 cm dilated at this hospital. I didn't know it at the time, but at 9 pm after 13 hours of contractions 2 to 5 minutes apart, I was only 2 cm dilated. They told my doula this info however and she basically ordered us to walk around and use a step stool to get my contractions coming on even stronger. And they did! But by 10:40 pm I was exhausted and insisted on laying down for a while. I also had no appetite, but was able to drink juice and lots of water.
Brent joined me in bed and I told him to talk to me about something. "You're going to be a great mom." It was sweet, but I replied, "NO! Talk to me about anything BUT the baby." So he told me about his day at work and how he got free pizza and some stupid memo. They checked my cervix again at 11:30 pm and I was 3 cm dilated, I was progressing, but wished I was farther, again, not dilated enough to get into the tub, which I desired so much. The tub was my big plan for pain management, goddamnit!
Two more hours passed, I believe I spent some time on a birthing ball and eventually ended up in bed again, contractions were getting harder, but I breathed through them and moaned, I was coping and totally unaware of what time it was. Then I felt my water break. I felt this popping sensation and then I felt a gush of liquid. I alerted Brent and our doula. I vaguely remember our doula saying, "things are going to pick up now." I also remember the midwife saying, "we have meconium, HEAVY meconium!" Meconium is newborn baby poop, and sometimes they poop before birth and this occasionally causes problems. "No tub!" They said. They also had to put me on continuous external fetal monitoring, which wouldn't have been so bad except that the baby moves and the monitors move and they kept losing the baby's heartbeat and alarms would go off in the hallway.
They could hear that the baby was fine, but the monitor wasn't getting enough info to prevent a lawsuit if something did go wrong. Basically I was started to qualify for an emergency c-section based only on the monitor readings, so they suggested an internal monitor, which I agreed to. I must say the internal one is WAY better, baby was fine and now they knew for sure.
I, on the other hand, was losing it. I started to say, "I'm going to die," "I can't do this," "Please kill me," and "I don't care anymore." But mostly I said, "I'm going to die." I simply can't describe the pain I was in. At 3:30 am, two hours after my water broke, I was 5 cm dilated. Progressing, but not as quickly as I would have liked. I started to contemplate pain relief, but I pressed on. I squeezed Brent's hand hard. Brent kept telling me that he had faith in me and that I could do it, this helped me more than anything.
But at 5 am, 21 hours into it, I started demanding something for the pain. "I can't do this, I need something for the pain!" My doula suggested checking to see how dilated I was before I made any decisions. They checked me and I was 9 cm dilated. This time my doula let me know the good news. I knew that I could make it at this point, I had one cm to go before I would probably want to start pushing, really there was no point to getting pain relief at this point.
One hour later at 6 am I felt this urge to push and I pushed. I pushed and pushed and pushed. I wanted this baby out of me. Pushing made the contractions way less painful and I was able to push several times during a contraction. I was almost totally unaware of anything going on around me, I did hear lots of words of encouragement though as I pushed. They helped me change positions several times. If someone had told me that I pushed for 45 minutes, I would have believed them, but I pushed for nearly 2 1/2 hours.
Because of the meconium they had a newborn resuscitation team on hand and they told me that if he didn't cry right away, they would have to take him from me, this barely registered with me, but I had faith that he would be fine. At 8: 27 am on May 30th my baby boy was born and he cried right away and was put immediately on my chest. When I imagined this moment, I thought I would cry, but all I could do was smile and stare at him in amazement. I rubbed his head and he calmed down and looked at me and held on to Brent's finger. He also latched on to my breast pretty quickly. And then pooped all over me again.
I did it! I got my natural birth and I wasn't even allowed to use the birthing tub, which gives you more pain relief than shots of Demeral. I avoided an epidural, a c-section, and an episiotomy. I also avoided any kind of augmentation or induction. I had one tear that required stitches, but it was apparently in an area that heals quickly. I can't feel it anymore. I feel so proud, but I also know that I could not have done it alone, I could not have done it without Brent and our doula's constant support. I did not have an easy labor, it was 24 hours of difficulty, but we did it!
You are amazing! -crystal
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