I was reminded about this when someone on facebook asked me to give a good example of UNintellegent design. So of course I immediately thought of childbirth. Firstly humans are born like 9 months premature because "someone" couldn't design our hips to be big enough to fit our massive brains out before they are really done cooking. But I've heard that this might be the very reason that fathers are involved in caring for children and might be the whole basis for the reason we humans tend to partner up and be social creatures in general, so maybe it has it's advantages.
I think the worst design flaw of my body I have come across so far is the fact that the cervix hurts like hell and takes a long time (usually, especially the first time) to fully dilate for birth. Come on, flying spaghetti monster or whoever you are, what gives?
When I imagined birth long before I had much knowledge of birth, I imagined that the part that hurt the most was pushing the baby out of a little 10 cm in diameter orifice. I was so wrong. Pushing doesn't hurt. Or I should say that pushing hurts SO much less than the dilation of the cervix, that you barely notice the hurt that pushing produces (at least on average, I've heard stories of women hating pushing; I loved it).
It's not the baby coming out that hurts, it's everything that must happen in order for you to be able to get the baby out that hurts. This is important to remember when you are in actual labor, that pain has a purpose, it's growing a hole big enough for a baby to come through.
I feel that this process could have been designed a little better. Why so much pain? Why does the cervix require such powerful contractions to open? And why for so long? It's takes about a day for those first time moms. A whole day where you basically have to be reminded every few minutes that your cervix is opening... slowly...
It's this pain that causes mothers to need several people there supporting them, usually. It's rare that a women goes off by herself to the woods to labor in solitude. And it is pain you cannot really understand until you've done it and you know it is the most you will ever probably feel. But it doesn't even get the baby out, it just opens up the cervix. After it is done you've still got an average of 2.5 hours of work to do pushing the baby out (but it feels like way less because you are so exhausted you fall asleep in between contractions).
So if you are pregnant and worried about pushing the baby out, don't be. Chances are pushing the baby out will be amazing. Be worried about the dilation of the cervix, because that hurts, especially those last few centimeters, luckily the more it hurts the faster it seems to go. And I have run across no intelligent reason for why yet. Perhaps an evolutionary scientist has studied this phenomenon.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
An Injury to One Is an Injury to Yourself
My husband has been working on the ramp at the airport for 8 1/2 years, he's been in many different positions and recently got a decent promotion. He was also part of several union drives at his work place, the last one which started in early 2010. They really thought this last time was going to be it, it was very demoralizing when it failed.
First let me explain how the ramp works at airports now, at least those served by Delta. Delta basically outsources its ramp work to smaller companies, most of these companies are wholly-owned subsidiaries of Delta. The crew who handles your baggage, cleans your cabin, ensures safety when the plane is parked, and even sometimes the gate agents who get your your ticket and help you board the plane on a Delta flight, aren't technically Delta employees.
This has major advantages for Delta. Most of these subsidiaries aren't unionized, so Delta doesn't have any pesky contracts to deal with. This keeps wages low. But there is another advantage. Let's say a subsidiary has been in place for a while and some of their employees have been there for a while because the economy is bad and they can't find anything better. This subsidiary also happens to have somewhat decent health coverage for their employees and some of them get 4 or 5 weeks of PTO a year because they've earned this seniority privilege.
Suddenly more money is going to the workers of this company instead of into profits. And remember, this is a wholly-owned subsidiary, so Delta is the company who profits. Well it's time to kick that subsidiary out and put in a different one that doesn't spend so much money on labor.
Last time this happened it was more of a take over with the NWA and Delta merger and the employees kept their seniority and wages for the most part.
This time it's working essentially as if these employees are quitting their jobs at one company and starting new at another company. This means seniority will be wiped out and everyone will be starting at the bottom of the wage scale, which for a general ramp worker is $8.25 an hour. And everyone might have to reapply for their job.
They could have done this with a little less douchbaggery, but there is talk that they want to end seniority, but still keep everyone's disciplinary record on hand. The severance is also a crappy $750. Normally severance is 1 weeks pay per year, which would have meant 8 weeks of pay for my husband, instead he'll get a whole $750, which is just barely over one week of pay. ONE week of pay for his 8.5+ years of service, which included two pay cuts.
There are also rumors that the new company has worse health coverage. Health coverage at his current company was one reason my husband stayed at this job so long, it's very cheap for us to cover our whole family on his insurance, dental too. Chances are out of pocket costs will increase.
Ramp workers are important! It might not require a college degree but these people inspect planes to make sure nothing goes in the airplane that might cause the plane to crash, they insure that your luggage gets on the plane and that the plane isn't overloaded, which can also make planes crash. They make sure the plane isn't damaged when it is entering and exiting the ramp. They are also the people who clean the vomit of the guy who was on the plane before you so you don't have to sit in it.
Pay is not well related to work performance, but it is important when you are talking about huge wage and benefit cuts because good workers are going to leave, some have left already. They are making this job not worth it in the long haul, which means good employees, the ones like my husband, who have been around for a while and know what they are doing, are probably going to leave when they can find something better. And they haven't set the bar that high.
For you, the airline consumer, who has to travel by Delta, this means more lost bags, more late departures, less clean planes, and possibly less inspected ramp areas. Basically a worse airplane ride, and all of this while air fares are climbing. You are now paying more and getting less.
This is how capitalism works. This is why unions are so important. This is my concrete example of people hurt by corporate greed. And it is not just us, it is everyone who flies on Delta an probably any other airline. Because they are all competing against each other to out-profit the others, this is what will be happening throughout the industry.
Happy Flying!
First let me explain how the ramp works at airports now, at least those served by Delta. Delta basically outsources its ramp work to smaller companies, most of these companies are wholly-owned subsidiaries of Delta. The crew who handles your baggage, cleans your cabin, ensures safety when the plane is parked, and even sometimes the gate agents who get your your ticket and help you board the plane on a Delta flight, aren't technically Delta employees.
This has major advantages for Delta. Most of these subsidiaries aren't unionized, so Delta doesn't have any pesky contracts to deal with. This keeps wages low. But there is another advantage. Let's say a subsidiary has been in place for a while and some of their employees have been there for a while because the economy is bad and they can't find anything better. This subsidiary also happens to have somewhat decent health coverage for their employees and some of them get 4 or 5 weeks of PTO a year because they've earned this seniority privilege.
Suddenly more money is going to the workers of this company instead of into profits. And remember, this is a wholly-owned subsidiary, so Delta is the company who profits. Well it's time to kick that subsidiary out and put in a different one that doesn't spend so much money on labor.
Last time this happened it was more of a take over with the NWA and Delta merger and the employees kept their seniority and wages for the most part.
This time it's working essentially as if these employees are quitting their jobs at one company and starting new at another company. This means seniority will be wiped out and everyone will be starting at the bottom of the wage scale, which for a general ramp worker is $8.25 an hour. And everyone might have to reapply for their job.
They could have done this with a little less douchbaggery, but there is talk that they want to end seniority, but still keep everyone's disciplinary record on hand. The severance is also a crappy $750. Normally severance is 1 weeks pay per year, which would have meant 8 weeks of pay for my husband, instead he'll get a whole $750, which is just barely over one week of pay. ONE week of pay for his 8.5+ years of service, which included two pay cuts.
There are also rumors that the new company has worse health coverage. Health coverage at his current company was one reason my husband stayed at this job so long, it's very cheap for us to cover our whole family on his insurance, dental too. Chances are out of pocket costs will increase.
Ramp workers are important! It might not require a college degree but these people inspect planes to make sure nothing goes in the airplane that might cause the plane to crash, they insure that your luggage gets on the plane and that the plane isn't overloaded, which can also make planes crash. They make sure the plane isn't damaged when it is entering and exiting the ramp. They are also the people who clean the vomit of the guy who was on the plane before you so you don't have to sit in it.
Pay is not well related to work performance, but it is important when you are talking about huge wage and benefit cuts because good workers are going to leave, some have left already. They are making this job not worth it in the long haul, which means good employees, the ones like my husband, who have been around for a while and know what they are doing, are probably going to leave when they can find something better. And they haven't set the bar that high.
For you, the airline consumer, who has to travel by Delta, this means more lost bags, more late departures, less clean planes, and possibly less inspected ramp areas. Basically a worse airplane ride, and all of this while air fares are climbing. You are now paying more and getting less.
This is how capitalism works. This is why unions are so important. This is my concrete example of people hurt by corporate greed. And it is not just us, it is everyone who flies on Delta an probably any other airline. Because they are all competing against each other to out-profit the others, this is what will be happening throughout the industry.
Happy Flying!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Breastfeeding, The Best Diet Plan For Me, Not For All
While I was pregnant one of the things people liked to tell me the most was about how much breastfeeding will help me lose the baby weight and how much breastfeeding didn't help them lose any baby weight.
There seem to be two different types of people, those where breastfeeding seems to suck fat right off of them, and those who see no effect at all. Luckily I was one of those people where the fat just seemed to slide off.
I'm now actually twelve pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. And I gained 55 pounds, so this is quite the accomplishment. Since coming home from the hospital I've lost about 60, and since my 6 week post-partum appointment I've lost about 35. Some of you have been so nice telling me that I gained "just enough weight for me!" No. I gained too much, I was a lazy, hungry, depressed pregnant woman. 55 pounds was too much, but luckily it didn't cause me too much trouble. And I lost it pretty quick.
It took a little more work that just sitting back and feeding my baby though. Breastfeeding makes you HUNGRY! OMG, my appetite is very huge. I believe I now eat more than my husband does during a typical shared meal. Before, I used to try to give him about 50% more food than me because I was trying to lose weight and he was 155 pounds of pure bone and muscle that lifts things for 10 hours a day for a living.
The hunger makes it easy to over-eat. I actually didn't lose any weight from 6 weeks to about 13 weeks post partum, then I really started to exercise, just walking mostly and burned through the rest of the baby weight that way. Nine months on, nine months off almost exactly. Then the weight loss slowed down and I dropped just about a pound a month before my son turned one.
I wanted to lose more, so I started running this June and I've lost another 7 pounds or so since then.
Exercise really has helped me, but I've done the weight loss thing before breastfeeding and I must say that breastfeeding makes it way easier. I may have a slight problem with my weight when my last child finally weans. For now I don't plan on trying to wean Cedric before getting pregnant with the next, so we'll have back to back nurslings.
Also for those of you not in the know, weight loss is safe with breastfeeding, so is exercise and reducing your calories. There's a bad myth still prevalent out there that you can't exercise or try to lose weight while breastfeeding, I'm living proof that it's not true. But do let your body recover from birth first!
There seem to be two different types of people, those where breastfeeding seems to suck fat right off of them, and those who see no effect at all. Luckily I was one of those people where the fat just seemed to slide off.
I'm now actually twelve pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. And I gained 55 pounds, so this is quite the accomplishment. Since coming home from the hospital I've lost about 60, and since my 6 week post-partum appointment I've lost about 35. Some of you have been so nice telling me that I gained "just enough weight for me!" No. I gained too much, I was a lazy, hungry, depressed pregnant woman. 55 pounds was too much, but luckily it didn't cause me too much trouble. And I lost it pretty quick.
It took a little more work that just sitting back and feeding my baby though. Breastfeeding makes you HUNGRY! OMG, my appetite is very huge. I believe I now eat more than my husband does during a typical shared meal. Before, I used to try to give him about 50% more food than me because I was trying to lose weight and he was 155 pounds of pure bone and muscle that lifts things for 10 hours a day for a living.
The hunger makes it easy to over-eat. I actually didn't lose any weight from 6 weeks to about 13 weeks post partum, then I really started to exercise, just walking mostly and burned through the rest of the baby weight that way. Nine months on, nine months off almost exactly. Then the weight loss slowed down and I dropped just about a pound a month before my son turned one.
I wanted to lose more, so I started running this June and I've lost another 7 pounds or so since then.
Exercise really has helped me, but I've done the weight loss thing before breastfeeding and I must say that breastfeeding makes it way easier. I may have a slight problem with my weight when my last child finally weans. For now I don't plan on trying to wean Cedric before getting pregnant with the next, so we'll have back to back nurslings.
Also for those of you not in the know, weight loss is safe with breastfeeding, so is exercise and reducing your calories. There's a bad myth still prevalent out there that you can't exercise or try to lose weight while breastfeeding, I'm living proof that it's not true. But do let your body recover from birth first!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
2 Years of Marriage (nearly), Taken Up Almost Entirely With Pregnancy and an Infant
Our second anniversary is on the 21st of this month. Our wedding was rated as the funnest wedding my grandmother has ever been to, which I feel I should get some sort of trophy for, because she went to four of her own children's weddings and probably many others, but I at least won the title of "most fun." It ended with us giving away full bottles of wine to the guests who stayed to the bitter end and helped us clean up, so that's a small indication of it's awesomeness. Actually, many people have said what a great night it was, which always makes me feel good because I planned the entire thing myself pretty much, with a little input from my husband to be, but really, it was me.
One thing I do kind of regret is not having an after party, but I was exhausted, we had a (ahem) marriage to consummate and an early plane departure in the morning.
The honeymoon was the best vacation I've ever been on. It was truly a wonderful week.
And then we got pregnant, on purpose! Nothing quite abruptly ends a honeymoon period like the first trimester of pregnancy. Then 9 months and 9 days exactly after our wedding, I gave birth.
14 months into our marriage I quit my job to have more time with my infant. And since then it's been a small roller coaster of financial unknowns and instability, nothing horrible, yet, but not like it was before. Most recently my husband got a very good promotion and a month later found out the company is dissolving in November.
It might seem fast, but we met in 2005, had been dating since 2007 and had been living together since 2008. Meeting to baby took nearly 6 years. Wedding was actually kind of secondary to having babies. We had our children in our vows. Our wedding might as well have been a "we're going to begin to try to conceive" party. This probably sounds like something the right-wing anti-birth control Christians would like, but I think the main point of our marriage was to conclusively commit to each other for the better of the babies we really wanted to have ASAP.
We really wanted kids, really, really. I'm so glad I waited until I did, but I don't think I could have waited even one more month.
Kids strain marriage. If you think it's going to strengthen your marriage, think again. I think in the long run it will have a strengthening effect. When we look back at this period in our lives we will say, "it was hard, but we did it and came out the other end with world's more knowledge and feeling very fulfilled."
Luckily we are very committed to each other and are very in love and even like the other person. Mostly I've learned that you have to let go of a lot. I'm finally feeling better about not doing as much. I just don't have the energy. I say I might go to things and often don't show up. Don't take it personally, I probably really wanted to go and then got home from work and didn't want to leave again. It's a short-term thing, for probably the next 5 to 10 years.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I will not always have babies. They will always be my babies, but they will grow up.
When Cedric was just a month old, I was over at my aunt and uncle's house and my uncle said, "I remember the newborn stage being the low point. Kids mostly improve with age." And I think he's totally correct. I like 14 month old Cedric more than 9 month old Cedric and 9 month old Cedric was better than 1 month old Cedric. And when I babysit this 4 year old, I'm like, 4-year-olds are super easy! They might talk your ear off, but they use the toilet and dress themselves and don't have to be carried up the stairs and they listen pretty well.
And if you've been awesome enough to raise responsible teens, you can leave them for a week and go on a vacation without them. Oh I hope I'm awesome enough to do that.
I'm guessing we will view these first few years of marriage as not our best, but ones that laid the foundation of resilience and perseverance. We've actually had very few disagreements about the actual parenting we are doing, which is great, we are on the same page.
The baby himself is great, it's everything that comes along with the baby that is stressful. Even the most confident parent can have great feelings of doubt, I believe. The contradictory info is in every parenting topic and you have to make hard decisions, ones that could possibly effect your child, another human being, for the rest of his life. No pressure or anything, just the rest of this child's life is all.
I hear the second one is easier.
One thing I do kind of regret is not having an after party, but I was exhausted, we had a (ahem) marriage to consummate and an early plane departure in the morning.
The honeymoon was the best vacation I've ever been on. It was truly a wonderful week.
And then we got pregnant, on purpose! Nothing quite abruptly ends a honeymoon period like the first trimester of pregnancy. Then 9 months and 9 days exactly after our wedding, I gave birth.
14 months into our marriage I quit my job to have more time with my infant. And since then it's been a small roller coaster of financial unknowns and instability, nothing horrible, yet, but not like it was before. Most recently my husband got a very good promotion and a month later found out the company is dissolving in November.
It might seem fast, but we met in 2005, had been dating since 2007 and had been living together since 2008. Meeting to baby took nearly 6 years. Wedding was actually kind of secondary to having babies. We had our children in our vows. Our wedding might as well have been a "we're going to begin to try to conceive" party. This probably sounds like something the right-wing anti-birth control Christians would like, but I think the main point of our marriage was to conclusively commit to each other for the better of the babies we really wanted to have ASAP.
We really wanted kids, really, really. I'm so glad I waited until I did, but I don't think I could have waited even one more month.
Kids strain marriage. If you think it's going to strengthen your marriage, think again. I think in the long run it will have a strengthening effect. When we look back at this period in our lives we will say, "it was hard, but we did it and came out the other end with world's more knowledge and feeling very fulfilled."
Luckily we are very committed to each other and are very in love and even like the other person. Mostly I've learned that you have to let go of a lot. I'm finally feeling better about not doing as much. I just don't have the energy. I say I might go to things and often don't show up. Don't take it personally, I probably really wanted to go and then got home from work and didn't want to leave again. It's a short-term thing, for probably the next 5 to 10 years.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I will not always have babies. They will always be my babies, but they will grow up.
When Cedric was just a month old, I was over at my aunt and uncle's house and my uncle said, "I remember the newborn stage being the low point. Kids mostly improve with age." And I think he's totally correct. I like 14 month old Cedric more than 9 month old Cedric and 9 month old Cedric was better than 1 month old Cedric. And when I babysit this 4 year old, I'm like, 4-year-olds are super easy! They might talk your ear off, but they use the toilet and dress themselves and don't have to be carried up the stairs and they listen pretty well.
And if you've been awesome enough to raise responsible teens, you can leave them for a week and go on a vacation without them. Oh I hope I'm awesome enough to do that.
I'm guessing we will view these first few years of marriage as not our best, but ones that laid the foundation of resilience and perseverance. We've actually had very few disagreements about the actual parenting we are doing, which is great, we are on the same page.
The baby himself is great, it's everything that comes along with the baby that is stressful. Even the most confident parent can have great feelings of doubt, I believe. The contradictory info is in every parenting topic and you have to make hard decisions, ones that could possibly effect your child, another human being, for the rest of his life. No pressure or anything, just the rest of this child's life is all.
I hear the second one is easier.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The Beginning of the End of Breastfeeding
I have a lot of fears and anxiety. My world is ruled by them way too much. I'm working on dealing with this and think I've done pretty well. I rarely get full blown panic attacks anymore, for instance.
Today I looked deep inside myself and realized I had a big fears about ending breastfeeding. I'm not quitting, but I've come to a point where I really need to start the slow process of scaling back, mostly with pumping. And this is scary.
I breastfeed. It's what I do. It's the main aspect of my mothering. My son nurses a lot and we have this really great breastfeeding relationship and it makes my life really easy. No need to prepare snacks, just get out the boob. I do give my son solids, but when I'm around, breast milk straight from the tap is still a big winner. I'm very proud of what I overcame to acheive this relationship, I didn't overcome a huge amount, but I had struggles and had to learn a lot of new things.
But I don't need to pump every time I'm away from him. I got really freaked out when I ran my first 5K. I freaked out about being able to pump, but you know what? I was totally fine. I did try to pump a little, but got barely anything... and it was OK, he was 13 months old after all. My supply is well established now. It will be fine for me to go a 9 hour work shift without pumping. We can do this.
And I feel panicky, because this is all I know. Or at least it feels this way. My baby is growing up. Actually he's not a baby anymore, he's a walking toddler. I have to trust that he will be fine without breast milk while away from me. I know this sounds silly, but this is actually hard. This pump has been my connection to him while I'm away. It's been annoying sometimes, but mostly awesome.
I am excited too. I'm excited to enter the next phase, to not have to worry about the pump. To see my child move a small step away from me. My husband will like not having to wash the pumping supplies. Before I know it, he'll be eating way more solids and drinking well from a cup and bottles will disappear. So far, this kid has improved with age and gotten easier every month for the most part. I can do a load of laundry without him crying by the door now. We usually just have one wake up for a minute at night. And I feel ease instead of anxiety when I leave him with a sitter.
I was out of my mind a year ago and now I feel like I'm finding sanity with motherhood. Everything is moving along well. I can do this. This is a small step along the path to eventual weaning, I don't know exactly how it will go, but every child weans eventually. My goal is still 24 months and then we'll see.
And here we go... starting to wean off the pump.
Today I looked deep inside myself and realized I had a big fears about ending breastfeeding. I'm not quitting, but I've come to a point where I really need to start the slow process of scaling back, mostly with pumping. And this is scary.
I breastfeed. It's what I do. It's the main aspect of my mothering. My son nurses a lot and we have this really great breastfeeding relationship and it makes my life really easy. No need to prepare snacks, just get out the boob. I do give my son solids, but when I'm around, breast milk straight from the tap is still a big winner. I'm very proud of what I overcame to acheive this relationship, I didn't overcome a huge amount, but I had struggles and had to learn a lot of new things.
But I don't need to pump every time I'm away from him. I got really freaked out when I ran my first 5K. I freaked out about being able to pump, but you know what? I was totally fine. I did try to pump a little, but got barely anything... and it was OK, he was 13 months old after all. My supply is well established now. It will be fine for me to go a 9 hour work shift without pumping. We can do this.
And I feel panicky, because this is all I know. Or at least it feels this way. My baby is growing up. Actually he's not a baby anymore, he's a walking toddler. I have to trust that he will be fine without breast milk while away from me. I know this sounds silly, but this is actually hard. This pump has been my connection to him while I'm away. It's been annoying sometimes, but mostly awesome.
I am excited too. I'm excited to enter the next phase, to not have to worry about the pump. To see my child move a small step away from me. My husband will like not having to wash the pumping supplies. Before I know it, he'll be eating way more solids and drinking well from a cup and bottles will disappear. So far, this kid has improved with age and gotten easier every month for the most part. I can do a load of laundry without him crying by the door now. We usually just have one wake up for a minute at night. And I feel ease instead of anxiety when I leave him with a sitter.
I was out of my mind a year ago and now I feel like I'm finding sanity with motherhood. Everything is moving along well. I can do this. This is a small step along the path to eventual weaning, I don't know exactly how it will go, but every child weans eventually. My goal is still 24 months and then we'll see.
And here we go... starting to wean off the pump.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
In The Trenches
If you haven't heard much from me, it's because I'm deep in the trenches of life trying to find my way and pay all the bills and maybe, just maybe, save a little money for something later.
I suspect a lot of Americans are deep in the trenches of their lives and I could go on and on about the harsh realities of the American working class and how we don't get paid what we are worth and how there is no job security or health care security and how messed up the system is. But instead I'll just talk about what we are doing and the good things we have going for ourselves and the bad things we are overcoming.
Good things:
-Both of us have jobs, and that's about it. We have some income and are at a low risk of being fired or laid off right now.
-For some reason Brent's job gives out decent health insurance. Not really good, but good enough that we wouldn't totally be completely ruined if something major happened, just mostly ruined.
-Only one of us has student loan debt. Somehow Brent escaped student loan debt, but this might be why he only has an associates degree.
-We have no credit card debt. Woo.
-We both have excellent credit. Somehow we've not been ruined by financial catastrophes yet, this means low interest rates on credit cards and the ability to buy our house.
-Our car is paid off.
-We've been able to avoid daycare costs mostly.
Bad things:
-We both have kind of shitty jobs with low pay, not low enough to quit, but low enough to feel taken advantage of.
-Heath care bills are still annoying. $25 every time you go in is hard, and the nerve damage in my leg is getting worse and I ought to have it looked at and Brent's blood pressure is often high but who has the time to see a doctor... I guess we'll go next month.
-Neither of us are using our college education, both our jobs require a high school diploma, and trust me, we've looked for alternatives.
-I don't know how people get by without credit cards, we wouldn't be able to buy much without them, we need to be able to put off paying for stuff for a few weeks to make sure we have enough in the bank. Luckily we've always been able to pay it off in full for the last two years.
-We wouldn't be able to afford our house without the renters. If they leave and we can't get anyone else in there or they stop paying, we are screwed in a few months.
-We really can't afford a second car, but would get a cheap one if Brent needed it for a new job or something.
-I fear we'll let almost anyone watch our kid at the odd hours we need childcare. It's a total pipe dream if you think you can really sit down and hand select the best care for your kid. Luckily so far, it's been fine.
And sometimes I fear that this is how it will be for the rest of my days, just trying to slowly get slightly ahead only to have something happen to be back at square one again. But we won't always have small children and maybe just maybe someday we will have decent jobs or even slightly better jobs.
We have dreams, we have desires. But for now we are only working on the sub floor of the foundation; deep in the dirt of those dreams. And some days I think that the reality is that this is where we will be stuck. Trust me, we are working hard. Hard work only pays off so well.
I suspect a lot of Americans are deep in the trenches of their lives and I could go on and on about the harsh realities of the American working class and how we don't get paid what we are worth and how there is no job security or health care security and how messed up the system is. But instead I'll just talk about what we are doing and the good things we have going for ourselves and the bad things we are overcoming.
Good things:
-Both of us have jobs, and that's about it. We have some income and are at a low risk of being fired or laid off right now.
-For some reason Brent's job gives out decent health insurance. Not really good, but good enough that we wouldn't totally be completely ruined if something major happened, just mostly ruined.
-Only one of us has student loan debt. Somehow Brent escaped student loan debt, but this might be why he only has an associates degree.
-We have no credit card debt. Woo.
-We both have excellent credit. Somehow we've not been ruined by financial catastrophes yet, this means low interest rates on credit cards and the ability to buy our house.
-Our car is paid off.
-We've been able to avoid daycare costs mostly.
Bad things:
-We both have kind of shitty jobs with low pay, not low enough to quit, but low enough to feel taken advantage of.
-Heath care bills are still annoying. $25 every time you go in is hard, and the nerve damage in my leg is getting worse and I ought to have it looked at and Brent's blood pressure is often high but who has the time to see a doctor... I guess we'll go next month.
-Neither of us are using our college education, both our jobs require a high school diploma, and trust me, we've looked for alternatives.
-I don't know how people get by without credit cards, we wouldn't be able to buy much without them, we need to be able to put off paying for stuff for a few weeks to make sure we have enough in the bank. Luckily we've always been able to pay it off in full for the last two years.
-We wouldn't be able to afford our house without the renters. If they leave and we can't get anyone else in there or they stop paying, we are screwed in a few months.
-We really can't afford a second car, but would get a cheap one if Brent needed it for a new job or something.
-I fear we'll let almost anyone watch our kid at the odd hours we need childcare. It's a total pipe dream if you think you can really sit down and hand select the best care for your kid. Luckily so far, it's been fine.
And sometimes I fear that this is how it will be for the rest of my days, just trying to slowly get slightly ahead only to have something happen to be back at square one again. But we won't always have small children and maybe just maybe someday we will have decent jobs or even slightly better jobs.
We have dreams, we have desires. But for now we are only working on the sub floor of the foundation; deep in the dirt of those dreams. And some days I think that the reality is that this is where we will be stuck. Trust me, we are working hard. Hard work only pays off so well.
Monday, June 4, 2012
One Whole Year of Breastfeeding
Long before I got pregnant I read that the CDC recommended 2 years of breastfeeding as a minimum. It seemed to be a very legit source, so I declared then that I would breastfeed each of my kids for at least two years. Then I heard a bunch of breastfeeding horror stories, stuff I had never heard of before. I was so naive about how much people have to struggle sometimes to breastfeed and how so many things in our society undermine a women's ability to breastfeed. And I was freaked out all during my pregnancy about it and my ability to do it. Luckily I had good support for it and I remember the first time he latched on to me, probably less than a handful of minutes after his birth and the first thought that went to my head was, "I'm doing it! I'm really doing it right now!" I had been dreaming of breastfeeding for years and I was now actually doing it. It was amazing and luckily we were both able to keep it up with just a few bumps in the road.
My son is now one year and five days old, which means for the last 5 days I have been an extended breast feeder. I personally don't really like the term. I mean the CDC tells us to breastfeed for two years, so shouldn't anything past two years really be the start of anything we should call extended breastfeeding?
I believe this next year will be when a different sort of struggle will begin. This last year I have proved that I don't have supply issues, or any allergy issues or really any issues with the whole function of my breasts. But now I am nursing a toddler. Nursing a toddler a lot. There isn't much difference in the amount he is getting from me now that he is a year old. And the nutritional benefits are still the same, in fact they can be even better now in toddlerhood.
But the info that most people get about nursing past a year is just awful. And so few people do it. I was almost in a minority at six months, now I'm in a super minority. If I make it to two years, I'll be in an even smaller minority.
The fact is that breast milk is a super food. If you have a doctor that tells you anything else, he doesn't support breastfeeding. The only nutrient it doesn't give you enough of is vitamin D. And that's because we all just don't spend as much time in the sun as our ancestors did. But there are some excellent vitamin D supplements. An adult, if they could get a hold of enough breast milk, could survive on breast milk alone. I'm not recommending it, but it would be possible.
There have definitely been times when I've been annoyed while breastfeeding, but my thought has always been, "what would the alternative be?" And the alternative, when I think of it, is always harder and more frustrating. Denying a nursing session to my son means I would need to give him something else. Before a year, the only other option, really, is formula, which needs to be bought, and mixed, and then a bottle needs to be washed, and then there is eventually trash to throw out. Much harder than nursing my son, even if he is kicking me or pulling my hair.
Now that he's a year, I could give him whole cow's milk, but again, this means buying the milk, filling up a container, possibly warming it up, making sure he finishes it before it would go bad, or dumping out what he doesn't drink so he doesn't accidentally drink spoiled milk, washing the container, and eventually throwing out the milk container. Way harder than nursing him. I could also try to increase his solid food intake and give him water, but this again might possible mean spoon-feeding him, which I have zero desire to do, not to mention the clean up.
Also he would lose the awesome anti-bodies and easy to digest properties of breast milk. Meaning I might have to deal with a sick baby or a constipated baby. Which means I might have to go to the doctor and buy medicine or prune juice or miss work to take care of him more often.
So really, no matter how hard or annoying breastfeeding has ever gotten, it doesn't compare to the annoyingness and difficulty of not breastfeeding. Because you can't NOT feed your kid. Even if he's pulling on my glasses or biting or taking little sips and being very distracted, breastfeeding at this point really is just taking out my breast and putting the baby near it. No cleaning up, no prep. Pumping adds a few more steps, but dealing with pumped breast milk is usally easier than formula and maybe a little harder than cow's milk, but it's nutritionally superior, so I think it's worth pumping even after a year.
But still, I have some anxiety about it, because it just isn't done very often in the US. I still plan on nursing in public and feeding mostly on demand. And breastfeeding has helped tremendously with my weight loss, I have little desire to reduce the number of feedings. I haven't gotten any negative comments about nursing yet, just a couple weird looks. But mostly it has all been positive when people notice me nursing my baby. I have fears that this won't be the case when I'm nursing my one year old and possibly my two year old.
But I am strong and very stubborn, so I think even if I do get some negativity, I will power through. No amount of pressure will cause me to stuff my baby full of solids and/or cow's milk. I hope.
So here we go, embarking on the next year, possibly the last year of breastfeeding Cedric. I'm leaving it up in the air after he turns two. If I want to wean, then I will, if I don't want to wean, then I won't. Possibly a future pregnancy will decide this all for us. Though I've heard stories of people nursing all the way through pregnancy (supply usually dries up at 15 weeks or so).
Wish me luck, if I make it, I will be one of the few with a nursing two-year-old.
My son is now one year and five days old, which means for the last 5 days I have been an extended breast feeder. I personally don't really like the term. I mean the CDC tells us to breastfeed for two years, so shouldn't anything past two years really be the start of anything we should call extended breastfeeding?
I believe this next year will be when a different sort of struggle will begin. This last year I have proved that I don't have supply issues, or any allergy issues or really any issues with the whole function of my breasts. But now I am nursing a toddler. Nursing a toddler a lot. There isn't much difference in the amount he is getting from me now that he is a year old. And the nutritional benefits are still the same, in fact they can be even better now in toddlerhood.
But the info that most people get about nursing past a year is just awful. And so few people do it. I was almost in a minority at six months, now I'm in a super minority. If I make it to two years, I'll be in an even smaller minority.
The fact is that breast milk is a super food. If you have a doctor that tells you anything else, he doesn't support breastfeeding. The only nutrient it doesn't give you enough of is vitamin D. And that's because we all just don't spend as much time in the sun as our ancestors did. But there are some excellent vitamin D supplements. An adult, if they could get a hold of enough breast milk, could survive on breast milk alone. I'm not recommending it, but it would be possible.
There have definitely been times when I've been annoyed while breastfeeding, but my thought has always been, "what would the alternative be?" And the alternative, when I think of it, is always harder and more frustrating. Denying a nursing session to my son means I would need to give him something else. Before a year, the only other option, really, is formula, which needs to be bought, and mixed, and then a bottle needs to be washed, and then there is eventually trash to throw out. Much harder than nursing my son, even if he is kicking me or pulling my hair.
Now that he's a year, I could give him whole cow's milk, but again, this means buying the milk, filling up a container, possibly warming it up, making sure he finishes it before it would go bad, or dumping out what he doesn't drink so he doesn't accidentally drink spoiled milk, washing the container, and eventually throwing out the milk container. Way harder than nursing him. I could also try to increase his solid food intake and give him water, but this again might possible mean spoon-feeding him, which I have zero desire to do, not to mention the clean up.
Also he would lose the awesome anti-bodies and easy to digest properties of breast milk. Meaning I might have to deal with a sick baby or a constipated baby. Which means I might have to go to the doctor and buy medicine or prune juice or miss work to take care of him more often.
So really, no matter how hard or annoying breastfeeding has ever gotten, it doesn't compare to the annoyingness and difficulty of not breastfeeding. Because you can't NOT feed your kid. Even if he's pulling on my glasses or biting or taking little sips and being very distracted, breastfeeding at this point really is just taking out my breast and putting the baby near it. No cleaning up, no prep. Pumping adds a few more steps, but dealing with pumped breast milk is usally easier than formula and maybe a little harder than cow's milk, but it's nutritionally superior, so I think it's worth pumping even after a year.
But still, I have some anxiety about it, because it just isn't done very often in the US. I still plan on nursing in public and feeding mostly on demand. And breastfeeding has helped tremendously with my weight loss, I have little desire to reduce the number of feedings. I haven't gotten any negative comments about nursing yet, just a couple weird looks. But mostly it has all been positive when people notice me nursing my baby. I have fears that this won't be the case when I'm nursing my one year old and possibly my two year old.
But I am strong and very stubborn, so I think even if I do get some negativity, I will power through. No amount of pressure will cause me to stuff my baby full of solids and/or cow's milk. I hope.
So here we go, embarking on the next year, possibly the last year of breastfeeding Cedric. I'm leaving it up in the air after he turns two. If I want to wean, then I will, if I don't want to wean, then I won't. Possibly a future pregnancy will decide this all for us. Though I've heard stories of people nursing all the way through pregnancy (supply usually dries up at 15 weeks or so).
Wish me luck, if I make it, I will be one of the few with a nursing two-year-old.
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