If you haven't heard much from me, it's because I'm deep in the trenches of life trying to find my way and pay all the bills and maybe, just maybe, save a little money for something later.
I suspect a lot of Americans are deep in the trenches of their lives and I could go on and on about the harsh realities of the American working class and how we don't get paid what we are worth and how there is no job security or health care security and how messed up the system is. But instead I'll just talk about what we are doing and the good things we have going for ourselves and the bad things we are overcoming.
Good things:
-Both of us have jobs, and that's about it. We have some income and are at a low risk of being fired or laid off right now.
-For some reason Brent's job gives out decent health insurance. Not really good, but good enough that we wouldn't totally be completely ruined if something major happened, just mostly ruined.
-Only one of us has student loan debt. Somehow Brent escaped student loan debt, but this might be why he only has an associates degree.
-We have no credit card debt. Woo.
-We both have excellent credit. Somehow we've not been ruined by financial catastrophes yet, this means low interest rates on credit cards and the ability to buy our house.
-Our car is paid off.
-We've been able to avoid daycare costs mostly.
Bad things:
-We both have kind of shitty jobs with low pay, not low enough to quit, but low enough to feel taken advantage of.
-Heath care bills are still annoying. $25 every time you go in is hard, and the nerve damage in my leg is getting worse and I ought to have it looked at and Brent's blood pressure is often high but who has the time to see a doctor... I guess we'll go next month.
-Neither of us are using our college education, both our jobs require a high school diploma, and trust me, we've looked for alternatives.
-I don't know how people get by without credit cards, we wouldn't be able to buy much without them, we need to be able to put off paying for stuff for a few weeks to make sure we have enough in the bank. Luckily we've always been able to pay it off in full for the last two years.
-We wouldn't be able to afford our house without the renters. If they leave and we can't get anyone else in there or they stop paying, we are screwed in a few months.
-We really can't afford a second car, but would get a cheap one if Brent needed it for a new job or something.
-I fear we'll let almost anyone watch our kid at the odd hours we need childcare. It's a total pipe dream if you think you can really sit down and hand select the best care for your kid. Luckily so far, it's been fine.
And sometimes I fear that this is how it will be for the rest of my days, just trying to slowly get slightly ahead only to have something happen to be back at square one again. But we won't always have small children and maybe just maybe someday we will have decent jobs or even slightly better jobs.
We have dreams, we have desires. But for now we are only working on the sub floor of the foundation; deep in the dirt of those dreams. And some days I think that the reality is that this is where we will be stuck. Trust me, we are working hard. Hard work only pays off so well.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
One Whole Year of Breastfeeding
Long before I got pregnant I read that the CDC recommended 2 years of breastfeeding as a minimum. It seemed to be a very legit source, so I declared then that I would breastfeed each of my kids for at least two years. Then I heard a bunch of breastfeeding horror stories, stuff I had never heard of before. I was so naive about how much people have to struggle sometimes to breastfeed and how so many things in our society undermine a women's ability to breastfeed. And I was freaked out all during my pregnancy about it and my ability to do it. Luckily I had good support for it and I remember the first time he latched on to me, probably less than a handful of minutes after his birth and the first thought that went to my head was, "I'm doing it! I'm really doing it right now!" I had been dreaming of breastfeeding for years and I was now actually doing it. It was amazing and luckily we were both able to keep it up with just a few bumps in the road.
My son is now one year and five days old, which means for the last 5 days I have been an extended breast feeder. I personally don't really like the term. I mean the CDC tells us to breastfeed for two years, so shouldn't anything past two years really be the start of anything we should call extended breastfeeding?
I believe this next year will be when a different sort of struggle will begin. This last year I have proved that I don't have supply issues, or any allergy issues or really any issues with the whole function of my breasts. But now I am nursing a toddler. Nursing a toddler a lot. There isn't much difference in the amount he is getting from me now that he is a year old. And the nutritional benefits are still the same, in fact they can be even better now in toddlerhood.
But the info that most people get about nursing past a year is just awful. And so few people do it. I was almost in a minority at six months, now I'm in a super minority. If I make it to two years, I'll be in an even smaller minority.
The fact is that breast milk is a super food. If you have a doctor that tells you anything else, he doesn't support breastfeeding. The only nutrient it doesn't give you enough of is vitamin D. And that's because we all just don't spend as much time in the sun as our ancestors did. But there are some excellent vitamin D supplements. An adult, if they could get a hold of enough breast milk, could survive on breast milk alone. I'm not recommending it, but it would be possible.
There have definitely been times when I've been annoyed while breastfeeding, but my thought has always been, "what would the alternative be?" And the alternative, when I think of it, is always harder and more frustrating. Denying a nursing session to my son means I would need to give him something else. Before a year, the only other option, really, is formula, which needs to be bought, and mixed, and then a bottle needs to be washed, and then there is eventually trash to throw out. Much harder than nursing my son, even if he is kicking me or pulling my hair.
Now that he's a year, I could give him whole cow's milk, but again, this means buying the milk, filling up a container, possibly warming it up, making sure he finishes it before it would go bad, or dumping out what he doesn't drink so he doesn't accidentally drink spoiled milk, washing the container, and eventually throwing out the milk container. Way harder than nursing him. I could also try to increase his solid food intake and give him water, but this again might possible mean spoon-feeding him, which I have zero desire to do, not to mention the clean up.
Also he would lose the awesome anti-bodies and easy to digest properties of breast milk. Meaning I might have to deal with a sick baby or a constipated baby. Which means I might have to go to the doctor and buy medicine or prune juice or miss work to take care of him more often.
So really, no matter how hard or annoying breastfeeding has ever gotten, it doesn't compare to the annoyingness and difficulty of not breastfeeding. Because you can't NOT feed your kid. Even if he's pulling on my glasses or biting or taking little sips and being very distracted, breastfeeding at this point really is just taking out my breast and putting the baby near it. No cleaning up, no prep. Pumping adds a few more steps, but dealing with pumped breast milk is usally easier than formula and maybe a little harder than cow's milk, but it's nutritionally superior, so I think it's worth pumping even after a year.
But still, I have some anxiety about it, because it just isn't done very often in the US. I still plan on nursing in public and feeding mostly on demand. And breastfeeding has helped tremendously with my weight loss, I have little desire to reduce the number of feedings. I haven't gotten any negative comments about nursing yet, just a couple weird looks. But mostly it has all been positive when people notice me nursing my baby. I have fears that this won't be the case when I'm nursing my one year old and possibly my two year old.
But I am strong and very stubborn, so I think even if I do get some negativity, I will power through. No amount of pressure will cause me to stuff my baby full of solids and/or cow's milk. I hope.
So here we go, embarking on the next year, possibly the last year of breastfeeding Cedric. I'm leaving it up in the air after he turns two. If I want to wean, then I will, if I don't want to wean, then I won't. Possibly a future pregnancy will decide this all for us. Though I've heard stories of people nursing all the way through pregnancy (supply usually dries up at 15 weeks or so).
Wish me luck, if I make it, I will be one of the few with a nursing two-year-old.
My son is now one year and five days old, which means for the last 5 days I have been an extended breast feeder. I personally don't really like the term. I mean the CDC tells us to breastfeed for two years, so shouldn't anything past two years really be the start of anything we should call extended breastfeeding?
I believe this next year will be when a different sort of struggle will begin. This last year I have proved that I don't have supply issues, or any allergy issues or really any issues with the whole function of my breasts. But now I am nursing a toddler. Nursing a toddler a lot. There isn't much difference in the amount he is getting from me now that he is a year old. And the nutritional benefits are still the same, in fact they can be even better now in toddlerhood.
But the info that most people get about nursing past a year is just awful. And so few people do it. I was almost in a minority at six months, now I'm in a super minority. If I make it to two years, I'll be in an even smaller minority.
The fact is that breast milk is a super food. If you have a doctor that tells you anything else, he doesn't support breastfeeding. The only nutrient it doesn't give you enough of is vitamin D. And that's because we all just don't spend as much time in the sun as our ancestors did. But there are some excellent vitamin D supplements. An adult, if they could get a hold of enough breast milk, could survive on breast milk alone. I'm not recommending it, but it would be possible.
There have definitely been times when I've been annoyed while breastfeeding, but my thought has always been, "what would the alternative be?" And the alternative, when I think of it, is always harder and more frustrating. Denying a nursing session to my son means I would need to give him something else. Before a year, the only other option, really, is formula, which needs to be bought, and mixed, and then a bottle needs to be washed, and then there is eventually trash to throw out. Much harder than nursing my son, even if he is kicking me or pulling my hair.
Now that he's a year, I could give him whole cow's milk, but again, this means buying the milk, filling up a container, possibly warming it up, making sure he finishes it before it would go bad, or dumping out what he doesn't drink so he doesn't accidentally drink spoiled milk, washing the container, and eventually throwing out the milk container. Way harder than nursing him. I could also try to increase his solid food intake and give him water, but this again might possible mean spoon-feeding him, which I have zero desire to do, not to mention the clean up.
Also he would lose the awesome anti-bodies and easy to digest properties of breast milk. Meaning I might have to deal with a sick baby or a constipated baby. Which means I might have to go to the doctor and buy medicine or prune juice or miss work to take care of him more often.
So really, no matter how hard or annoying breastfeeding has ever gotten, it doesn't compare to the annoyingness and difficulty of not breastfeeding. Because you can't NOT feed your kid. Even if he's pulling on my glasses or biting or taking little sips and being very distracted, breastfeeding at this point really is just taking out my breast and putting the baby near it. No cleaning up, no prep. Pumping adds a few more steps, but dealing with pumped breast milk is usally easier than formula and maybe a little harder than cow's milk, but it's nutritionally superior, so I think it's worth pumping even after a year.
But still, I have some anxiety about it, because it just isn't done very often in the US. I still plan on nursing in public and feeding mostly on demand. And breastfeeding has helped tremendously with my weight loss, I have little desire to reduce the number of feedings. I haven't gotten any negative comments about nursing yet, just a couple weird looks. But mostly it has all been positive when people notice me nursing my baby. I have fears that this won't be the case when I'm nursing my one year old and possibly my two year old.
But I am strong and very stubborn, so I think even if I do get some negativity, I will power through. No amount of pressure will cause me to stuff my baby full of solids and/or cow's milk. I hope.
So here we go, embarking on the next year, possibly the last year of breastfeeding Cedric. I'm leaving it up in the air after he turns two. If I want to wean, then I will, if I don't want to wean, then I won't. Possibly a future pregnancy will decide this all for us. Though I've heard stories of people nursing all the way through pregnancy (supply usually dries up at 15 weeks or so).
Wish me luck, if I make it, I will be one of the few with a nursing two-year-old.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
One Year of Being a Mom
Oh my goodness my son turned one today! What a year it has been. Some of the most depressing, most anxious, most horrible times in my life happened in this last year. Also the most wonderful and joyous things have happened too. I truly love being a mother, all the bad stuff was worth it. I am really a changed person. I've had to prioritize a lot of stuff and have had to let a lot of things go, some that were really hard to let go of.
I think Brent and I have done a really good job. Our baby boy is flourishing. He's happy and growing, and very attached to both of us. We've really gotten into a harmony of being with him and having him in our lives, I don't feel like life could go on with out him. It was a huge adjustment, but we figured it out.
I have come to realize that we are way more relaxed than average. It took me a while to get relaxed, at first I was very anxious, but now we sit back and give him a lot of autonomy. We aren't hoverers and you won't ever find us disinfecting things. We let him learn by falling if he needs to and we've decided that we are pro-dirt and germs for the most part. He's been very healthy too. While I've never been sicker. He's had one fever, a half a dozen colds, one 12 hour period of vomiting and one short, mild bout of diarrhea from his first cold (too much mucus in the system we were told). He's also only had diaper rash once (during the diarrhea) thanks to our cloth diapering and elimination communication. No ear infections or anything else.
He started signing for milk, the one sign I've been doing consistently, which makes me wish I had done other signs consistently. It's quite amazing to have a little 12 month old telling you exactly what he wants.
I am now officially an extended breast-feeder, which is good because he still gets the majority of his calories from breast milk. I plan to continue for at least another year. He's never had a single sip of formula nor a single mouthful of pureed baby food. It's a total time saver, I don't yet have to think about his food at all. He has my breasts and bits of whatever we are eating and it's working great. Baby food is such a scam, I'm glad I avoided it. I have total faith that his eating skills will get better over the next year to the point where he's eating much more solids than he is now. Food is a non-issue and I plan on keeping it that way.
I've also discovered that co-sleeping makes traveling a breeze too. We don't have to pack a crib! And he's big enough now that he can actually climb out of hotel beds on his own pretty well. One queen or king sized bed is all we need for now. It's like the world was made for us.
Elimination communication has been mostly derailed for now, we have hit a major potty pause. We caught one pee on our week vacation and just today he peed on to the floor right after getting off the potty. I'm going to try to just do morning pees and after nap pees for now and just not stress. Again, I want potty to be a non-issue, just like food and sleep. He will eat when he needs to and sleep when he needs to. I barely can think about scheduling my own life, I can't imagine trying to schedule his. It means I sometimes have to wake him up from a nap to bring him places, but it all works out.
My only piece of advice to anyone wanting to have kids is that, for god sake, have kids with someone who is awesome. I can't imagine how hard this would all have been without my amazing husband. Children strain marriages because they change them fundamentally. We are not the couple we were before we had Cedric. In some ways it's better in some ways it's worse. We have less time for each other and there simply isn't anything to be done about it, it's just how it is, we'll have more time later. We got through this, so I think we can get through anything. Brent is an amazing father, I only hope he feels the same way about me.
Happy birthday to my son, who gave me the best job in the world.
I think Brent and I have done a really good job. Our baby boy is flourishing. He's happy and growing, and very attached to both of us. We've really gotten into a harmony of being with him and having him in our lives, I don't feel like life could go on with out him. It was a huge adjustment, but we figured it out.
I have come to realize that we are way more relaxed than average. It took me a while to get relaxed, at first I was very anxious, but now we sit back and give him a lot of autonomy. We aren't hoverers and you won't ever find us disinfecting things. We let him learn by falling if he needs to and we've decided that we are pro-dirt and germs for the most part. He's been very healthy too. While I've never been sicker. He's had one fever, a half a dozen colds, one 12 hour period of vomiting and one short, mild bout of diarrhea from his first cold (too much mucus in the system we were told). He's also only had diaper rash once (during the diarrhea) thanks to our cloth diapering and elimination communication. No ear infections or anything else.
He started signing for milk, the one sign I've been doing consistently, which makes me wish I had done other signs consistently. It's quite amazing to have a little 12 month old telling you exactly what he wants.
I am now officially an extended breast-feeder, which is good because he still gets the majority of his calories from breast milk. I plan to continue for at least another year. He's never had a single sip of formula nor a single mouthful of pureed baby food. It's a total time saver, I don't yet have to think about his food at all. He has my breasts and bits of whatever we are eating and it's working great. Baby food is such a scam, I'm glad I avoided it. I have total faith that his eating skills will get better over the next year to the point where he's eating much more solids than he is now. Food is a non-issue and I plan on keeping it that way.
I've also discovered that co-sleeping makes traveling a breeze too. We don't have to pack a crib! And he's big enough now that he can actually climb out of hotel beds on his own pretty well. One queen or king sized bed is all we need for now. It's like the world was made for us.
Elimination communication has been mostly derailed for now, we have hit a major potty pause. We caught one pee on our week vacation and just today he peed on to the floor right after getting off the potty. I'm going to try to just do morning pees and after nap pees for now and just not stress. Again, I want potty to be a non-issue, just like food and sleep. He will eat when he needs to and sleep when he needs to. I barely can think about scheduling my own life, I can't imagine trying to schedule his. It means I sometimes have to wake him up from a nap to bring him places, but it all works out.
My only piece of advice to anyone wanting to have kids is that, for god sake, have kids with someone who is awesome. I can't imagine how hard this would all have been without my amazing husband. Children strain marriages because they change them fundamentally. We are not the couple we were before we had Cedric. In some ways it's better in some ways it's worse. We have less time for each other and there simply isn't anything to be done about it, it's just how it is, we'll have more time later. We got through this, so I think we can get through anything. Brent is an amazing father, I only hope he feels the same way about me.
Happy birthday to my son, who gave me the best job in the world.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Balance is Bullsh*t, Hard Decisions are Reality
This has taken me a while to realize. And I'm sick of one word right now, "Balance." More and more people are saying this word. Things like, "it's all about balance." When referring to life with kids. I think I've figured it out and it's not about balance. Balance is a fallacy. You can't have it all. Something will always suffer or get put on the back burner. And this is the reality with all of life. Not just for those of us with kids. Stop trying to "balance" you life. Accept that things will get neglected.
Life is full of tough decisions and some of the toughest happen when we have kids. My biggest first tough decision was with my work. I gave up my decently paying job when Cedric was 5 months old because I wanted more time with him. This was not an easy decision. I cried a lot about this decision. I also both regretted it and was happy about it. It meant that we really didn't have enough money. I had to live with the consequences of my decision, both the good ones and the bad ones. I now believe that every decision has both good and bad consequences. There aren't "good" decisions and "bad" decisions, there are only decisions. Of course finding out good info can help you, but there is always a negative to anything you do, especially in the big decisions. And there is always a choice.
There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything we want to do.
Right now, my political work is next to nothing. Something that was important to me before I got pregnant. Politics are still important to me, but my priorities have changed and I simply cannot devote much time to socialism. It sucks. It wasn't easy to decide to not do a lot. It doesn't just mean a slightly weaker movement, it means my relationship with my comrades has declined. I'm not as close to them as I would like to be. Political work is not in a balance, it's been thrown off the scale, into the dirt. If we lived in a society that did more shared child care, maybe this would be different.
I remember when I was actively trying to lose weight. I remember how much time and effort it seemed to take. I realized that I would really have to make weight loss a priority and let other things go if I was going to lose the weight I wanted. A tough decision. Planning to eat healthy food and get in some exercise takes a lot of time.
Right now I'm choosing to write this blog entry while my son plays by himself on the floor and my husband mows the lawn. He's playing with our shoes, luckily he's not putting too much stuff in his mouth these days. I'm letting that go, he can't destroy our shoes and I'm OK with him getting some dirt into him. I find I let a lot of things go with our son. I keep him away from dangerous things, but just don't have the energy to worry about little things.
So lets all give each other a break. First let's realize we all have options. There is always a choice. There are always positives and negatives to that choice. And we will always regret some of the choices we make, sometimes while simultaneously enjoying the same choice. I'm all for parents staying home with their kids, I see this as an ideal, but I know how tough of a decision that is to make, you can't somehow balance it and make more money appear. You can't advance your career while also spending lots of quality time with your kids, sorry, you have to choose and only you can choose it, and it will be a hard choice to make, one you will probably question frequently. And no one can tell you which choice is best for you. You will NOT find a balance, give it up.
Life is full of tough decisions and some of the toughest happen when we have kids. My biggest first tough decision was with my work. I gave up my decently paying job when Cedric was 5 months old because I wanted more time with him. This was not an easy decision. I cried a lot about this decision. I also both regretted it and was happy about it. It meant that we really didn't have enough money. I had to live with the consequences of my decision, both the good ones and the bad ones. I now believe that every decision has both good and bad consequences. There aren't "good" decisions and "bad" decisions, there are only decisions. Of course finding out good info can help you, but there is always a negative to anything you do, especially in the big decisions. And there is always a choice.
There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything we want to do.
Right now, my political work is next to nothing. Something that was important to me before I got pregnant. Politics are still important to me, but my priorities have changed and I simply cannot devote much time to socialism. It sucks. It wasn't easy to decide to not do a lot. It doesn't just mean a slightly weaker movement, it means my relationship with my comrades has declined. I'm not as close to them as I would like to be. Political work is not in a balance, it's been thrown off the scale, into the dirt. If we lived in a society that did more shared child care, maybe this would be different.
I remember when I was actively trying to lose weight. I remember how much time and effort it seemed to take. I realized that I would really have to make weight loss a priority and let other things go if I was going to lose the weight I wanted. A tough decision. Planning to eat healthy food and get in some exercise takes a lot of time.
Right now I'm choosing to write this blog entry while my son plays by himself on the floor and my husband mows the lawn. He's playing with our shoes, luckily he's not putting too much stuff in his mouth these days. I'm letting that go, he can't destroy our shoes and I'm OK with him getting some dirt into him. I find I let a lot of things go with our son. I keep him away from dangerous things, but just don't have the energy to worry about little things.
So lets all give each other a break. First let's realize we all have options. There is always a choice. There are always positives and negatives to that choice. And we will always regret some of the choices we make, sometimes while simultaneously enjoying the same choice. I'm all for parents staying home with their kids, I see this as an ideal, but I know how tough of a decision that is to make, you can't somehow balance it and make more money appear. You can't advance your career while also spending lots of quality time with your kids, sorry, you have to choose and only you can choose it, and it will be a hard choice to make, one you will probably question frequently. And no one can tell you which choice is best for you. You will NOT find a balance, give it up.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
AP Parents are Normal Parents
OK. I gotta jump on the band wagon and blog about the TIME cover featuring a mother breastfeeding her three-year-old with the title, "Are You Mom Enough?" Why attachment parenting drives some mothers to extremes."
Awesome that she is breastfeeding a three-year-old, contrary to popular belief, this is actually not an extreme. You know what else isn't an extreme? Attachment parenting. If anything, it's for lazy people.
I've been hanging out with one group of local attachment parents at Powderhorn Park almost every Thursday for about 6 months. I'm still a newbie, but I've learned some things about these parents. I can only speak for the group I am involved with, but probably about a dozen regular parents show up most weeks. "Extreme" is not what they are about.
We have some things in common, most of us are white, most of us are married or partnered, most of us don't have regular day jobs (hence we can show up to a play group on Thursday afternoon), and most of us have at least one kid under five.
If you are picturing some kind of Attachment Parenting cult or exclusive club, where members are kicked out for using a crib, this is not the place. We lean more in one direction, for instance, most of us breastfeed or have breast-fed our kids. Most of us do at least some co-sleeping, or did. Most of us, if pregnant, are trying to go for a natural birth. Most of us at least own some kind of baby wearing sling or wrap or other carrier.
What I've found is a group of very relaxed parents. And a group of very attached, happy-looking kids. There is very little yelling, no punishments, no power struggles, no bribery. And the kids are also not yelling much or throwing tantrums, or running away from their parents, or hitting their parents or other kids. Basically seems to be a group of well adjusted children. Children I want to have.
I would not say extreme is the word to describe them. I'd say the better word is "thoughtful." Yes. These are thoughtful parents, they research and choose the birth place right for them. They choose the feeding method that is best for them. They find the sleeping arrangement that works for them. They discipline with thought instead of knee-jerk reactions. They figure out the best school for their kids or lack thereof.
But similarities end there. Most of us work at least part time, some full time, some even own their own businesses. Some of us home-school, some of us find privet schools, some find charter, some find public. I definitely have an opinion about what is best there, but making one decision one way or the other doesn't make you an attachment parent. Some of us use day care sometimes, some of us have nannies or have had them, some of us juggle our schedule so that our babies are mostly always with one parent or the other (HINT: It's what Brent and I do).
Some of us had attachment parents and some of us are doing everything different from our parents. Difference with purpose, to do better, to have our children have a better life than we did. Some of us vaccinate, some of us don't. Some of us are vegan or gluten-free or dairy-free, some of us eat plenty of meat and cheese.
Some of us do elimination communication, some of us use disposables on our three-year-olds. Some of us totally use strollers, in fact, a lot of us use strollers. We babywear, but we also use strollers, this is not an either/or type of a thing.
So where is the extreme? It this just about "extended" breastfeeding? Typical weaning of a child who is left to wean on his own is between 2 and 7 years with the average being somewhere around 4 years. 4 years is a biological norm. We've gone so far from this that breastfeeding after 6 months is not typical anymore in the US.
This TIME magazine cover makes me want to breastfeed my kids until kindergarten. I doubt I will make it that long, but for now, it works for me and I can't imagine voluntarily giving it up anytime soon.
Awesome that she is breastfeeding a three-year-old, contrary to popular belief, this is actually not an extreme. You know what else isn't an extreme? Attachment parenting. If anything, it's for lazy people.
I've been hanging out with one group of local attachment parents at Powderhorn Park almost every Thursday for about 6 months. I'm still a newbie, but I've learned some things about these parents. I can only speak for the group I am involved with, but probably about a dozen regular parents show up most weeks. "Extreme" is not what they are about.
We have some things in common, most of us are white, most of us are married or partnered, most of us don't have regular day jobs (hence we can show up to a play group on Thursday afternoon), and most of us have at least one kid under five.
If you are picturing some kind of Attachment Parenting cult or exclusive club, where members are kicked out for using a crib, this is not the place. We lean more in one direction, for instance, most of us breastfeed or have breast-fed our kids. Most of us do at least some co-sleeping, or did. Most of us, if pregnant, are trying to go for a natural birth. Most of us at least own some kind of baby wearing sling or wrap or other carrier.
What I've found is a group of very relaxed parents. And a group of very attached, happy-looking kids. There is very little yelling, no punishments, no power struggles, no bribery. And the kids are also not yelling much or throwing tantrums, or running away from their parents, or hitting their parents or other kids. Basically seems to be a group of well adjusted children. Children I want to have.
I would not say extreme is the word to describe them. I'd say the better word is "thoughtful." Yes. These are thoughtful parents, they research and choose the birth place right for them. They choose the feeding method that is best for them. They find the sleeping arrangement that works for them. They discipline with thought instead of knee-jerk reactions. They figure out the best school for their kids or lack thereof.
But similarities end there. Most of us work at least part time, some full time, some even own their own businesses. Some of us home-school, some of us find privet schools, some find charter, some find public. I definitely have an opinion about what is best there, but making one decision one way or the other doesn't make you an attachment parent. Some of us use day care sometimes, some of us have nannies or have had them, some of us juggle our schedule so that our babies are mostly always with one parent or the other (HINT: It's what Brent and I do).
Some of us had attachment parents and some of us are doing everything different from our parents. Difference with purpose, to do better, to have our children have a better life than we did. Some of us vaccinate, some of us don't. Some of us are vegan or gluten-free or dairy-free, some of us eat plenty of meat and cheese.
Some of us do elimination communication, some of us use disposables on our three-year-olds. Some of us totally use strollers, in fact, a lot of us use strollers. We babywear, but we also use strollers, this is not an either/or type of a thing.
So where is the extreme? It this just about "extended" breastfeeding? Typical weaning of a child who is left to wean on his own is between 2 and 7 years with the average being somewhere around 4 years. 4 years is a biological norm. We've gone so far from this that breastfeeding after 6 months is not typical anymore in the US.
This TIME magazine cover makes me want to breastfeed my kids until kindergarten. I doubt I will make it that long, but for now, it works for me and I can't imagine voluntarily giving it up anytime soon.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Don't Be Hating on the Pump!
I've come across some breastfeeding sites that have been totally anti-pumping. And I gotta say, "why?"
They make these outrageous claims about how inefficient pumps are and how they don't really work. I don't know where they get this info, or if they just plain make it up, but it is wrong.
Pumps take some getting used to, but I'm sorry, it's not really reality that a mother isn't going to be away from her baby until he's weaned. And there are mothers out there who exclusively pump. Meaning their baby gets only breast milk that has been pumped. Not to mention all the women who go back to work full time when their baby is 6 or 12 weeks old or more and keep up their breastfeeding just fine.
Pumps work, if you get the right pump.
DO NOT use a used pump! Don't take the one from your friend who used it with her baby a year ago. Get yourself your own, brand new, double electric pump. Pumps can be contaminated and motors wear out. I learned today that you should actually get a new pump with every kid, unless you've bought a hospital grade one, which you probably didn't because they are like $1000. They are not meant to be passed down.
Mine was paid for 100% by my health insurance. Pretty awesome. And I believe new legislation requires health insurance to cover them 100% in 2013 or possibly this year. So don't let expense keep you from getting a new pump.
Pumps are awesome. You can leave your baby with someone else and go do things! I would have lost my mind long ago if it weren't for my pump. Even before I went back to work, I used my pump so that I could get away. Moms need breaks from breastfeeding. Moms need breaks from baby-care. Condemning pumps is just as bad as telling a mom to use formula if she needs a break.
To me, being anti-pump is being anti-breastfeeding. It's giving out misinformation about a device that makes breastfeeding possible for mothers who want or need to be away from their babies. If you want mothers to spend more time with their babies attack the lack of maternity leave, not the pump.
Pumps are not inefficient! I can easily get 4-7 ounces of breast milk out in about 10 minutes of pumping with my double electric pump, some moms do even better than this. I do breathing exercises, look at pictures of my baby, think milk, imagine my baby breastfeeding, and the milk flows. It takes some practice, but it works. I worked a 12 hour shift and was away from my baby for about 14 hours and was able to do it in two pumping sessions about 6 hours apart. I had to pump a little longer, but I easily got out about 15 ounces total from both sessions. My breasts were very full, but it totally worked. Even the craziest work schedule, I believe, is manageable. I should have done 3 pumping sessions, but I simply didn't want to.
If your pump isn't working, you might need different sized flanges, new parts, a better pump, or a newer pump. Mine once wasn't working and it turned out I had a ripped valve I needed to replace (HINT: Keep replacement parts in your pump bag).
So can we please stop hating on the breast pumps? They are sometimes the only reason a mother is able to breastfeed. I personally have never met a breastfeeding mother who has told me she never pumps.
They make these outrageous claims about how inefficient pumps are and how they don't really work. I don't know where they get this info, or if they just plain make it up, but it is wrong.
Pumps take some getting used to, but I'm sorry, it's not really reality that a mother isn't going to be away from her baby until he's weaned. And there are mothers out there who exclusively pump. Meaning their baby gets only breast milk that has been pumped. Not to mention all the women who go back to work full time when their baby is 6 or 12 weeks old or more and keep up their breastfeeding just fine.
Pumps work, if you get the right pump.
DO NOT use a used pump! Don't take the one from your friend who used it with her baby a year ago. Get yourself your own, brand new, double electric pump. Pumps can be contaminated and motors wear out. I learned today that you should actually get a new pump with every kid, unless you've bought a hospital grade one, which you probably didn't because they are like $1000. They are not meant to be passed down.
Mine was paid for 100% by my health insurance. Pretty awesome. And I believe new legislation requires health insurance to cover them 100% in 2013 or possibly this year. So don't let expense keep you from getting a new pump.
Pumps are awesome. You can leave your baby with someone else and go do things! I would have lost my mind long ago if it weren't for my pump. Even before I went back to work, I used my pump so that I could get away. Moms need breaks from breastfeeding. Moms need breaks from baby-care. Condemning pumps is just as bad as telling a mom to use formula if she needs a break.
To me, being anti-pump is being anti-breastfeeding. It's giving out misinformation about a device that makes breastfeeding possible for mothers who want or need to be away from their babies. If you want mothers to spend more time with their babies attack the lack of maternity leave, not the pump.
Pumps are not inefficient! I can easily get 4-7 ounces of breast milk out in about 10 minutes of pumping with my double electric pump, some moms do even better than this. I do breathing exercises, look at pictures of my baby, think milk, imagine my baby breastfeeding, and the milk flows. It takes some practice, but it works. I worked a 12 hour shift and was away from my baby for about 14 hours and was able to do it in two pumping sessions about 6 hours apart. I had to pump a little longer, but I easily got out about 15 ounces total from both sessions. My breasts were very full, but it totally worked. Even the craziest work schedule, I believe, is manageable. I should have done 3 pumping sessions, but I simply didn't want to.
If your pump isn't working, you might need different sized flanges, new parts, a better pump, or a newer pump. Mine once wasn't working and it turned out I had a ripped valve I needed to replace (HINT: Keep replacement parts in your pump bag).
So can we please stop hating on the breast pumps? They are sometimes the only reason a mother is able to breastfeed. I personally have never met a breastfeeding mother who has told me she never pumps.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Correlation CAN Mean Causation
OK. For whatever reason I've heard this phrase a lot: "Correlation does not mean causation."
And as a psychology major who had to learn about research methods in EVERY SINGLE CLASS, I must speak up about this.
First of all, yes, correlation does not automatically mean that one item correlated with another caused the other. But it doesn't automatically mean there is no causation at hand. It means we have to look critically at the data and use other studies and repeat studies to really find out what is going on here. ONE study alone is never enough to prove anything.
You can't always set up a study to prove causation because there are often ethical guidelines that get in the way. Or you might be looking at historical data and cannot set it up to prove causation.
For instance people who are taller tend to also be heavier. And people who are heavier tend to also be taller. But gaining weight doesn't make you taller. But getting taller tends to make you gain weight. But then again we all know someone who is much taller than us, but who weighs less than us, and sometimes we are surprised that someone so short can weigh so much. Height and weight are correlated, but there's also some causation going on and some other factors too.
This is how it is for almost everything. Nothing is a one-to-one kind of a thing. We need to be critical of correlational studies.
BUT it does not mean that we ignore correlations simply because they can't prove causation all by themselves. They are important. And if they show a correlation between two things, we need to investigate further, especially when they don't make sense. But simply saying "correlation doesn't prove causation" seems just dismissive to me. It could be a fluke, there could be a third variable we need to look at, and yes, it could be that one is causing the other.
It's important to not jump to conclusions over ONE study. It's also important to not ignore the overwhelming evidence for something shown in many studies. Both are bad ideas.
Magazines are probably the worst at jumping to conclusions about one study. Some newspaper articles are also bad. Some study comes out and journalists jump at it declaring something silly. It's important to go to the actual study. I read so many research papers as an undergrad. A good research paper will talk about the limitations of the study and about the possibilities of other things going on contradictory to what the data shows. Nothing is ever cut and dry.
So don't read too much into one study and also don't automatically dismiss a study either. The more studies, the better. There are always going to be studies that end up showing some kind of a fluke that goes against the norm, this is why they need to be repeated and why we all need to keep an open and a critical mind.
And as a psychology major who had to learn about research methods in EVERY SINGLE CLASS, I must speak up about this.
First of all, yes, correlation does not automatically mean that one item correlated with another caused the other. But it doesn't automatically mean there is no causation at hand. It means we have to look critically at the data and use other studies and repeat studies to really find out what is going on here. ONE study alone is never enough to prove anything.
You can't always set up a study to prove causation because there are often ethical guidelines that get in the way. Or you might be looking at historical data and cannot set it up to prove causation.
For instance people who are taller tend to also be heavier. And people who are heavier tend to also be taller. But gaining weight doesn't make you taller. But getting taller tends to make you gain weight. But then again we all know someone who is much taller than us, but who weighs less than us, and sometimes we are surprised that someone so short can weigh so much. Height and weight are correlated, but there's also some causation going on and some other factors too.
This is how it is for almost everything. Nothing is a one-to-one kind of a thing. We need to be critical of correlational studies.
BUT it does not mean that we ignore correlations simply because they can't prove causation all by themselves. They are important. And if they show a correlation between two things, we need to investigate further, especially when they don't make sense. But simply saying "correlation doesn't prove causation" seems just dismissive to me. It could be a fluke, there could be a third variable we need to look at, and yes, it could be that one is causing the other.
It's important to not jump to conclusions over ONE study. It's also important to not ignore the overwhelming evidence for something shown in many studies. Both are bad ideas.
Magazines are probably the worst at jumping to conclusions about one study. Some newspaper articles are also bad. Some study comes out and journalists jump at it declaring something silly. It's important to go to the actual study. I read so many research papers as an undergrad. A good research paper will talk about the limitations of the study and about the possibilities of other things going on contradictory to what the data shows. Nothing is ever cut and dry.
So don't read too much into one study and also don't automatically dismiss a study either. The more studies, the better. There are always going to be studies that end up showing some kind of a fluke that goes against the norm, this is why they need to be repeated and why we all need to keep an open and a critical mind.
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