People are quite curious of our sleeping situation which right now is a queen mattress on the floor next to a twin mattress on floor, but we still all usually end up on the queen mattress. And, for the most part I nurse my baby to sleep, or sometimes he nurses a little then takes a pacifier to sleep (the baby likes to suck more than he likes to drink). It's really working for us, and is convenient for night time elimination communication when I'm able to do it.
What I hear from other people who have kids is usually full of fears and worries and wondering when it will all be better. People are WAY too freaked out about sleep. There is this idea going around that if you don't somehow figure out how to get yourself to sleep and stay asleep all night by the time you are six months old you will have sleep problems for ever.
I nurse my six-month-old in the middle of the night sometimes. This is something several people and books have told me he DOESN'T NEED, "stop doing that, or he'll get used to it and need it... FOREVER." Get rid of the pacifier too pretty soon or you'll never get rid of that. But for God's sake keep him in diapers at LEAST two years... maybe even 3 or 4.
Can you see that there might be some cultural biases happening here?
People usually ask me if we have a plan for getting him into his own bed. Last time, my husband answered this, "uh I guess before the next one comes..." No, we don't have a plan. We aren't the planning type. If something comes up later that makes this arrangement not work, then we will change it. We changed it once. We used to have a queen bed next to a co-sleeper, but the baby got too mobile for that arrangement by 5 months, so we minimized the falling out of bed risk by putting the mattress right on the floor.
I'm really not buying into the idea that my child will need to learn how to fall asleep on his own and that this is somehow something I will need to plan out and teach him. I didn't teach him anything else he knows. He's close to crawling, but I didn't teach him how to do it. I didn't teach him how to do the cooing/babbling he does. I didn't teach him to smile or laugh. These are things that the vast majority of children do, eventually, but no one plans it out. And they all do it at different times. Some babies are barely a month when they smile, some don't smile until three months. Some children are crawling at 4 months, some aren't crawling until after a year.
I really have to remind myself sometimes that our sleep situation is great. We are all getting enough sleep. I have to remember that contrary to what some might say, even if I'm still nursing him to sleep when he's two or three, I won't be be nursing him to sleep in his dorm room.
I think it is a fallacy that we have that much control over when and how our kids grow up. All we can do is give them a nurturing environment and let them grow up how and when they would like. The more we push and turn things into a struggle, the more struggles we will have. All children grow up, even in less than ideal circumstances. Let's all try to accept the kids we have today.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Diaper Genies Make Diapers Stink More
Short subject that I've been meaning to talk about.
Chances are if you use disposable diapers, you have a Diaper Genie. Throw it out. You are making your diapers more stinky. A Diaper Genie, for those of you not in the know about useless baby products, is a plastic container with a plastic bag inside of it that you put disposable diapers into and you turn the bag so that the diaper is essentially locked up air tight.
Great! You are thinking. No. If this Diaper Genie actually worked like a Genie and transported them to the garbage on garbage day without you having to do anything, then maybe it would be worth it. But here is the reality: eventually you have to empty the Diaper Genie. And at the rate young babies go through diapers, possibly you will have to empty them on a day that's not garbage day. Or if you work at a day care center or something like that, chances are you empty it every night.
And here is what happens to diapers that have been locked in an airtight space: they get really, really, really, stinky. I have had to empty a wet bag that had a poopy cloth diaper kept in it over night accidentally. It was pretty bad. Even ones coming home from 8 hours of day care are getting to the unbearably stinky point. So imagine what a whole week or a few days worth of diapers that have been trapped inside of a Diaper Genie must smell like. And in my experience, the smell escapes when you empty them. Or maybe the plastic bag catches on something... it's just a thin piece of plastic after all.
How do you keep them from stinking? Let air get to them. We put our dirty cloth diapers in to a plastic bin without a top, they don't stink up our bedroom. When we use disposables, they go into a paper grocery bag that we use as a trash can, also in our bedroom, no top, no plastic, and they don't stink. We use some disposable wipes and these also go in the paper bag, again, no stink.
Who ever invented the Diaper Genie really is an evil genius. Because I think nearly every parent has one and it does the opposite of what they bought it to do. A great example of a convenience item that makes things less convenient. I could do a whole series, maybe I will.
Chances are if you use disposable diapers, you have a Diaper Genie. Throw it out. You are making your diapers more stinky. A Diaper Genie, for those of you not in the know about useless baby products, is a plastic container with a plastic bag inside of it that you put disposable diapers into and you turn the bag so that the diaper is essentially locked up air tight.
Great! You are thinking. No. If this Diaper Genie actually worked like a Genie and transported them to the garbage on garbage day without you having to do anything, then maybe it would be worth it. But here is the reality: eventually you have to empty the Diaper Genie. And at the rate young babies go through diapers, possibly you will have to empty them on a day that's not garbage day. Or if you work at a day care center or something like that, chances are you empty it every night.
And here is what happens to diapers that have been locked in an airtight space: they get really, really, really, stinky. I have had to empty a wet bag that had a poopy cloth diaper kept in it over night accidentally. It was pretty bad. Even ones coming home from 8 hours of day care are getting to the unbearably stinky point. So imagine what a whole week or a few days worth of diapers that have been trapped inside of a Diaper Genie must smell like. And in my experience, the smell escapes when you empty them. Or maybe the plastic bag catches on something... it's just a thin piece of plastic after all.
How do you keep them from stinking? Let air get to them. We put our dirty cloth diapers in to a plastic bin without a top, they don't stink up our bedroom. When we use disposables, they go into a paper grocery bag that we use as a trash can, also in our bedroom, no top, no plastic, and they don't stink. We use some disposable wipes and these also go in the paper bag, again, no stink.
Who ever invented the Diaper Genie really is an evil genius. Because I think nearly every parent has one and it does the opposite of what they bought it to do. A great example of a convenience item that makes things less convenient. I could do a whole series, maybe I will.
Friday, December 2, 2011
On Six Months of Exclusive Breastfeeding
I did it! I made it through six months of exclusive breastfeeding! This is a huge accomplishment, one that only 20% of moms in Minnesota right now can say. By six months less than half are breastfeeding at all. So even if you are breastfeeding a little at this point you are doing better than the majority, so that deserves recognition too.
I got a sample of formula in the mail when I got home from the hospital (I'm guessing from my Babies R Us registry, time to not shop with them anymore, they don't have much I want anyway). I declared, as I held my three-day-old infant, "You. Will. Never. Taste. Formula!" I didn't know if it would be true, but I hoped, and I figured declaring it would help. Six months in, I'm pretty sure that declaration will remain true.
Years ago I said that I would do two years of breastfeeding at a minimum. So I'm 1/4 of the way there, and I'm pretty sure the hardest 1/4 is behind me. Before getting pregnant I really had NO idea breastfeeding rates were so low, I kept hearing all these horror stories from people about how they just couldn't get their supply up and it freaked the hell out of me because I just really had no idea how little support there was out there for it and how many moms get bad advice and bad support, even from professionals.
My first bit of bad support came from a nurse in the hospital where I delivered. What I needed to hear, what every new mom who is committed to breastfeeding needs to hear, was, "I know it's hard and confusing and frustrating, but you are doing the absolute best thing for your baby by breastfeeding, I know you can do it," instead while I was showing frustration over his "perfect" latch feeling very painful she said, "well there is always formula." Fuck you, seriously, fuck you, is what I should have said. Instead I just got more frustrated and felt more alone. Support is not telling a frustrated woman that it's OK if she quits, support is telling her she can do it, she and her baby were born to do this.
I had to figure it out on my own sometimes. I pretty much stopped wearing a top for the first days, fabric didn't feel good. Turns out that was one of the best things I could do for my sore nipples, let them get exposed to air. No one told me this, I read about it later. Ladies, beginning breastfeeding is no time to be modest, get topless, get skin-on-skin contact, and let the air get to your nipples. My pain was reduced greatly by about 5 days post partum.
I also didn't chart or keep track of his feeding times. I'm lazy. I had no energy for this. Everyone was telling me to watch the clock and note the time. I defied them and just fed my baby whenever he seemed hungry, for as long as he would feed. Later I read a LLL poster that had in big, bold letters, "DON'T WATCH THE CLOCK, WATCH YOUR BABY!" Apparently my instinct was right.
What I'm trying to get at is: No kidding breastfeeding rates are low, women have so little support and so much misinformation given to them. There is always some personal responsibility, but really, I can't blame women for giving up entirely. It also takes a lot of courage for women like me to be the minority of breastfeeders. We are the few who feed on demand in any location. Who get curious looks, but stand our ground and sometimes have to defend our rights. We are bombarded with formula ads and samples. We get looked at with envy, with scorn, with judgement, with shock, and, rarely, with kindness and joy. It's a lot to take on and most of the time we feel very alone, especially if we are the super few who make it to one and two or even three or more years. From the reading I've done, I'd advise every mother to try to make it to two years.
Two years of breastfeeding give benefits not only to your baby but to you. Benefits like: decreased chance of breast and ovarian cancer, decreased chance of diabetes, decreased chance of hypertension, and decreased chance of osteoporosis. And for baby it gives him a decreased chance of almost every disease imaginable. Breastfeeding also sends out a bunch of love chemicals, it actually helps you fall in love with your baby and changes your brain into a mother's brain. The brains of mothers who did not breastfeed looks the same as those with stillborn children (don't ask me how, I should find the study). That is crazy, if you don't breastfeed, at least according to your brain, your baby died. Freaky shit.
Bonding is so important, it's what makes you able to rock a screaming infant for well over an hour without losing your cool, to even enjoy it sometimes (I have felt enjoyment while comforting my crying baby). It makes you responsive and alert to your baby's needs. And that oxytocin and prolactin relax you a lot, it's like being on really, really good drugs, without any side effects or hangovers. I personally have found it to be among the best anti-anxiety concoctions I've ever taken. I can't imagine raising an infant without the constant flow of oxytocin and prolactin. Pumping at work made WORK feel less stressful, it is amazing stuff, and they can't give it to you in the form of a pill because it won't cross the blood-brain barrier. (can you tell I've read a lot about this recently?)
It also makes nighttime a total breeze if you bed share. Put baby to boob, go back to sleep. Practice the side laying nursing position during the day and get it down if you don't have it down yet, it is amazing. Sleep like a baby, next to your baby. Though, granted, I have been told I have a somewhat easier baby when it comes to sleep. But maybe it's because I bedshared and nursed him, I guess we'll never know. Colic is way more common in formula-fed infants. Also, since he was in bed with me, he rarely had to get all the way to crying if he woke up hungry, because I'd noticed right away and woke up when he did and gave him what he needed. We often had and still have cryless nights.
And did I mention breastfeeding is free and formula will cost you a few thousand dollars for that first year? It also takes no preparation right out of the boob. And has antibodies and won't spoil in your boob, or get contaminated with contaminated drinking water... the list goes on. If you get stranded, you can still feed your baby... I could go on more, I guess I'll stop.
Anyway, I realize that I lucked out, somehow I got enough support. That really is the bottom line. I got enough exposure, enough education, enough encouragement, and I, myself, had enough determination. I had few problems, but still had three lactation consultant appointments. I was not going to give up.
Breastfeeding gets more and more easy every month. Right now it's as easy as: set baby on lap; expose boob; breastfeed. He sits up pretty well and has no trouble finding the nipple. He's bit me a couple times, but always after a good feeding, I just take him off and let him chew something else. The biggest problem I had was my over active let down, but now he seems to pretty much be used to it. He spits up more frequently than average because he gets too much of it, but he's still thriving and growing and doing really well.
Now we are starting our baby-led feeding (I've decided to call it that instead of baby-led weaning). Last night I gave him a chunk of banana, cooked zucchini, and cooked pasta with a little pasta sauce to play with. The night before it was rice and broccoli florets with spicy Szechuan sauce. He didn't get much or possibly any of it into his stomach, but this seems a lot more fun than spoon feeding. I think Indian is on the menu tonight. I think I can also confidently declare, "you will never taste rice cereal or baby food or specially made purees!" I don't know that it's ture, but I hope for now.
I'll write more about baby-led feeding later. I'm quite excited about it.
I got a sample of formula in the mail when I got home from the hospital (I'm guessing from my Babies R Us registry, time to not shop with them anymore, they don't have much I want anyway). I declared, as I held my three-day-old infant, "You. Will. Never. Taste. Formula!" I didn't know if it would be true, but I hoped, and I figured declaring it would help. Six months in, I'm pretty sure that declaration will remain true.
Years ago I said that I would do two years of breastfeeding at a minimum. So I'm 1/4 of the way there, and I'm pretty sure the hardest 1/4 is behind me. Before getting pregnant I really had NO idea breastfeeding rates were so low, I kept hearing all these horror stories from people about how they just couldn't get their supply up and it freaked the hell out of me because I just really had no idea how little support there was out there for it and how many moms get bad advice and bad support, even from professionals.
My first bit of bad support came from a nurse in the hospital where I delivered. What I needed to hear, what every new mom who is committed to breastfeeding needs to hear, was, "I know it's hard and confusing and frustrating, but you are doing the absolute best thing for your baby by breastfeeding, I know you can do it," instead while I was showing frustration over his "perfect" latch feeling very painful she said, "well there is always formula." Fuck you, seriously, fuck you, is what I should have said. Instead I just got more frustrated and felt more alone. Support is not telling a frustrated woman that it's OK if she quits, support is telling her she can do it, she and her baby were born to do this.
I had to figure it out on my own sometimes. I pretty much stopped wearing a top for the first days, fabric didn't feel good. Turns out that was one of the best things I could do for my sore nipples, let them get exposed to air. No one told me this, I read about it later. Ladies, beginning breastfeeding is no time to be modest, get topless, get skin-on-skin contact, and let the air get to your nipples. My pain was reduced greatly by about 5 days post partum.
I also didn't chart or keep track of his feeding times. I'm lazy. I had no energy for this. Everyone was telling me to watch the clock and note the time. I defied them and just fed my baby whenever he seemed hungry, for as long as he would feed. Later I read a LLL poster that had in big, bold letters, "DON'T WATCH THE CLOCK, WATCH YOUR BABY!" Apparently my instinct was right.
What I'm trying to get at is: No kidding breastfeeding rates are low, women have so little support and so much misinformation given to them. There is always some personal responsibility, but really, I can't blame women for giving up entirely. It also takes a lot of courage for women like me to be the minority of breastfeeders. We are the few who feed on demand in any location. Who get curious looks, but stand our ground and sometimes have to defend our rights. We are bombarded with formula ads and samples. We get looked at with envy, with scorn, with judgement, with shock, and, rarely, with kindness and joy. It's a lot to take on and most of the time we feel very alone, especially if we are the super few who make it to one and two or even three or more years. From the reading I've done, I'd advise every mother to try to make it to two years.
Two years of breastfeeding give benefits not only to your baby but to you. Benefits like: decreased chance of breast and ovarian cancer, decreased chance of diabetes, decreased chance of hypertension, and decreased chance of osteoporosis. And for baby it gives him a decreased chance of almost every disease imaginable. Breastfeeding also sends out a bunch of love chemicals, it actually helps you fall in love with your baby and changes your brain into a mother's brain. The brains of mothers who did not breastfeed looks the same as those with stillborn children (don't ask me how, I should find the study). That is crazy, if you don't breastfeed, at least according to your brain, your baby died. Freaky shit.
Bonding is so important, it's what makes you able to rock a screaming infant for well over an hour without losing your cool, to even enjoy it sometimes (I have felt enjoyment while comforting my crying baby). It makes you responsive and alert to your baby's needs. And that oxytocin and prolactin relax you a lot, it's like being on really, really good drugs, without any side effects or hangovers. I personally have found it to be among the best anti-anxiety concoctions I've ever taken. I can't imagine raising an infant without the constant flow of oxytocin and prolactin. Pumping at work made WORK feel less stressful, it is amazing stuff, and they can't give it to you in the form of a pill because it won't cross the blood-brain barrier. (can you tell I've read a lot about this recently?)
It also makes nighttime a total breeze if you bed share. Put baby to boob, go back to sleep. Practice the side laying nursing position during the day and get it down if you don't have it down yet, it is amazing. Sleep like a baby, next to your baby. Though, granted, I have been told I have a somewhat easier baby when it comes to sleep. But maybe it's because I bedshared and nursed him, I guess we'll never know. Colic is way more common in formula-fed infants. Also, since he was in bed with me, he rarely had to get all the way to crying if he woke up hungry, because I'd noticed right away and woke up when he did and gave him what he needed. We often had and still have cryless nights.
And did I mention breastfeeding is free and formula will cost you a few thousand dollars for that first year? It also takes no preparation right out of the boob. And has antibodies and won't spoil in your boob, or get contaminated with contaminated drinking water... the list goes on. If you get stranded, you can still feed your baby... I could go on more, I guess I'll stop.
Anyway, I realize that I lucked out, somehow I got enough support. That really is the bottom line. I got enough exposure, enough education, enough encouragement, and I, myself, had enough determination. I had few problems, but still had three lactation consultant appointments. I was not going to give up.
Breastfeeding gets more and more easy every month. Right now it's as easy as: set baby on lap; expose boob; breastfeed. He sits up pretty well and has no trouble finding the nipple. He's bit me a couple times, but always after a good feeding, I just take him off and let him chew something else. The biggest problem I had was my over active let down, but now he seems to pretty much be used to it. He spits up more frequently than average because he gets too much of it, but he's still thriving and growing and doing really well.
Now we are starting our baby-led feeding (I've decided to call it that instead of baby-led weaning). Last night I gave him a chunk of banana, cooked zucchini, and cooked pasta with a little pasta sauce to play with. The night before it was rice and broccoli florets with spicy Szechuan sauce. He didn't get much or possibly any of it into his stomach, but this seems a lot more fun than spoon feeding. I think Indian is on the menu tonight. I think I can also confidently declare, "you will never taste rice cereal or baby food or specially made purees!" I don't know that it's ture, but I hope for now.
I'll write more about baby-led feeding later. I'm quite excited about it.
Friday, November 4, 2011
So What The F#@k is Safe?
The latest thing deemed unsafe for babies? Bumper Pads. This doesn't bother me too much, because we don't have a crib, so we lack any bars to pad. What bothers me is that every year they say something else about cribs isn't safe. When I was pregnant it was that drop side cribs weren't safe, to which I thought, "well now we can't ever get baby into the crib, so forget about it."
Did you also know that blankets aren't safe, neither are sleep positioners. They are even saying that maybe swaddling a baby with a special swaddle blanket isn't safe. It's also common for babies to deliberately bang their heads on the crib bars, probably the reason bumper pads came to be. Then you've got to have a FIRM mattress. And put that baby on their back!! Something I decided wasn't my thing after having my son choke on his spit up many times (Cedric mostly sleeps on his side and has since birth).
And don't ever put any toys near them, or let any pets near them, and their clothing should be all cotton and no buttons that could pop off, and no strings, and zippers should zip down rather than up. Not TOO much clothing, but not too LITTLE either, they will be cold. AHHH!
Honestly, for those of you who do keep your baby in a crib. What the hell do you have them wear? How are they not cold without a blanket? Do you really use those wearable blankets, because those look like the most inconvenient thing on the plant, especially considering a baby initially sleep like 22 hours a day, do they just wear it all day long? I gotta say that I don't get it.
So crib bars are hard, but bumper pads are unsafe, blankets are unsafe, drop sides are unsafe, most clothes seem to be unsafe, and maybe swaddling for sleep isn't safe... Does anyone begin to wonder if maybe, just maybe, CRIBS aren't safe?
Maybe babies aren't supposed to be left unattended while sleeping?
Seriously.
Maybe they are supposed to fall asleep next to their nursing mother, since so many mothers report that they nurse their babies down to sleep?
Why do I only hear about crib safety, when it seems like nothing is safe. Where exactly is the safe stuff??
And it's extra annoying to those of us who don't use cribs at all, because what we are doing is considered unsafe, we are told to just not do it. There is no guidance, so we do what we feel is most safe. We watch our babies, we tune into our gut and we sleep pretty darn well next to our babies.
There are so many things that are considered not safe now that it seems like it's almost impossible to safely leave your baby in a crib. Think about it, how do you get a sleeping baby down into a crib without dropping the side of the crib? Suppose you get that baby in there somehow without waking it; how do you keep them warm without a blanket? Maybe they are wearing a wearable blanket already, but chances are they weren't. Do you risk waking him up to slip it on? Fuck no, you put a blanket over him! I'm pretty sure even those who are using a crib with a firm mattress just like all the guidelines say, do not follow every safety rule.
There are some guidelines for co-sleeping, but some of them don't make sense, like keeping pillows and comforters away from baby. Pillows, maybe, I get, but if the baby is in bed, he's going to be under the comforter. Personalty I just try to keep it off his head. This summer, when he was really little and at a greater risk of suffocating, it was hot, so we sometimes had no covers at all.
Can we please get some realistic and good guideline for this stuff. The only good things I've heard are: breastfeed, don't smoke, don't take drugs or meds that make you drowsy, and make sure baby isn't getting over-heated. I feel like if we follow these few guideline, we'll be pretty good. Common sense stuff like making sure he doesn't fall off the bed, is good too, but claiming all these things are unsafe without giving any kind of realistic alternative is going to fall on deaf ears. Sleep is already hard, and putting in all these "rules" without realizing the realities of life with a baby and unnecessarily demonizing bed sharing, doesn't help. I want to hear goddamn stories of people who follow all the sleep safety rules, I don't think these people exist.
Did you also know that blankets aren't safe, neither are sleep positioners. They are even saying that maybe swaddling a baby with a special swaddle blanket isn't safe. It's also common for babies to deliberately bang their heads on the crib bars, probably the reason bumper pads came to be. Then you've got to have a FIRM mattress. And put that baby on their back!! Something I decided wasn't my thing after having my son choke on his spit up many times (Cedric mostly sleeps on his side and has since birth).
And don't ever put any toys near them, or let any pets near them, and their clothing should be all cotton and no buttons that could pop off, and no strings, and zippers should zip down rather than up. Not TOO much clothing, but not too LITTLE either, they will be cold. AHHH!
Honestly, for those of you who do keep your baby in a crib. What the hell do you have them wear? How are they not cold without a blanket? Do you really use those wearable blankets, because those look like the most inconvenient thing on the plant, especially considering a baby initially sleep like 22 hours a day, do they just wear it all day long? I gotta say that I don't get it.
So crib bars are hard, but bumper pads are unsafe, blankets are unsafe, drop sides are unsafe, most clothes seem to be unsafe, and maybe swaddling for sleep isn't safe... Does anyone begin to wonder if maybe, just maybe, CRIBS aren't safe?
Maybe babies aren't supposed to be left unattended while sleeping?
Seriously.
Maybe they are supposed to fall asleep next to their nursing mother, since so many mothers report that they nurse their babies down to sleep?
Why do I only hear about crib safety, when it seems like nothing is safe. Where exactly is the safe stuff??
And it's extra annoying to those of us who don't use cribs at all, because what we are doing is considered unsafe, we are told to just not do it. There is no guidance, so we do what we feel is most safe. We watch our babies, we tune into our gut and we sleep pretty darn well next to our babies.
There are so many things that are considered not safe now that it seems like it's almost impossible to safely leave your baby in a crib. Think about it, how do you get a sleeping baby down into a crib without dropping the side of the crib? Suppose you get that baby in there somehow without waking it; how do you keep them warm without a blanket? Maybe they are wearing a wearable blanket already, but chances are they weren't. Do you risk waking him up to slip it on? Fuck no, you put a blanket over him! I'm pretty sure even those who are using a crib with a firm mattress just like all the guidelines say, do not follow every safety rule.
There are some guidelines for co-sleeping, but some of them don't make sense, like keeping pillows and comforters away from baby. Pillows, maybe, I get, but if the baby is in bed, he's going to be under the comforter. Personalty I just try to keep it off his head. This summer, when he was really little and at a greater risk of suffocating, it was hot, so we sometimes had no covers at all.
Can we please get some realistic and good guideline for this stuff. The only good things I've heard are: breastfeed, don't smoke, don't take drugs or meds that make you drowsy, and make sure baby isn't getting over-heated. I feel like if we follow these few guideline, we'll be pretty good. Common sense stuff like making sure he doesn't fall off the bed, is good too, but claiming all these things are unsafe without giving any kind of realistic alternative is going to fall on deaf ears. Sleep is already hard, and putting in all these "rules" without realizing the realities of life with a baby and unnecessarily demonizing bed sharing, doesn't help. I want to hear goddamn stories of people who follow all the sleep safety rules, I don't think these people exist.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
More on the Elimination Communication Craziness
We are doing more. Elimination Communication (EC) is picking up a bit. Our baby is sturdier now and can be more easily held over or even placed on a potty.
Yes, it's a weird thing for the USA. You probably think I'm nuts, but it's not nuts, I swear.
Did you know that before disposable diapers became popular most babies were potty trained around 12-18 months?
Did you know that EC is not only practiced in third world countries, but is practiced in modern places like Prague?
Did you know infants naturally don't want to pee on themselves or their caregiver?
Our baby is now 5 months old, so we're crossing into that late start category. He doesn't give much of a signal that we can pick up. But I have used timing to catch several pees and even one poop. On average I catch about two pees a day. A small start, but a success none the less. Some days are better than others.
For now we only do it at home, but do try to change him as soon as he is wet at other times. We have his bottom bare sometimes and at other times we put a cloth diaper on without a cover, and other times I put pants on him without anything under them. Babies don't usually pee in their sleep, so he's taken lots of naked naps and then I put him on the potty when he wakes up. I think night time might be the easiest time to do it. Because during the day, when he's not napping, I just don't see the cues. I give a cueing noise when I do notice him peeing.
But why am I doing it? Well, I didn't become a parent thinking, "people seem to be raising children pretty well right now." I went into it thinking, "dear God, me and my friends are pretty messed up for whatever it is our parents did. We all seem to have low self esteem, some kind of food issue, low energy, and either a mood disorder or an anxiety disorder. What the hell happened? We need to seriously look at changing how we raise children."
So you can see that doing things differently has appealed to me greatly. Because I know what it's like to be me as an adult and I have to be honest with you, it kind of sucks. I can look pretty decent on the outside, but I am filled with inner turmoil. I don't want my children to feel like I do. It's my motivation for almost everything. It was the reason I drank zero alcohol and took no prescription meds during pregnancy, it's the reason I so badly wanted a drug free labor, something, anything to maybe lower his exposure to things that might mess with his brain or our attachment after delivery.
And I don't care if I'm the only one doing it, but maybe, just maybe my child won't have all the bladder control issues I had if I get him used to recognizing them now. If babies don't even wet themselves in their sleep, why did I do it at 9 and 10 years of age? Something got messed up with either the bladder or the sleep. And if I can do something to maybe lessen the chance of that, then I'm going to do it.
I don't think delayed potty training is normal. A good portion of 4-year-olds aren't potty trained now days. Some children will never show those so called "readiness signs." And potty training is not done in a day. Some children do fine with it, but some struggle for years and might be like me and not really have control until nearly middle school. That's not normal, especially when young babies have control over their sphincter muscles at birth.
With my next child I'm really going to try to start younger, I just couldn't start at birth this time, hopefully I'll have an easier post partum time the next time around. But we are having some success with our older baby, and that's pretty cool.
Yes, it's a weird thing for the USA. You probably think I'm nuts, but it's not nuts, I swear.
Did you know that before disposable diapers became popular most babies were potty trained around 12-18 months?
Did you know that EC is not only practiced in third world countries, but is practiced in modern places like Prague?
Did you know infants naturally don't want to pee on themselves or their caregiver?
Our baby is now 5 months old, so we're crossing into that late start category. He doesn't give much of a signal that we can pick up. But I have used timing to catch several pees and even one poop. On average I catch about two pees a day. A small start, but a success none the less. Some days are better than others.
For now we only do it at home, but do try to change him as soon as he is wet at other times. We have his bottom bare sometimes and at other times we put a cloth diaper on without a cover, and other times I put pants on him without anything under them. Babies don't usually pee in their sleep, so he's taken lots of naked naps and then I put him on the potty when he wakes up. I think night time might be the easiest time to do it. Because during the day, when he's not napping, I just don't see the cues. I give a cueing noise when I do notice him peeing.
But why am I doing it? Well, I didn't become a parent thinking, "people seem to be raising children pretty well right now." I went into it thinking, "dear God, me and my friends are pretty messed up for whatever it is our parents did. We all seem to have low self esteem, some kind of food issue, low energy, and either a mood disorder or an anxiety disorder. What the hell happened? We need to seriously look at changing how we raise children."
So you can see that doing things differently has appealed to me greatly. Because I know what it's like to be me as an adult and I have to be honest with you, it kind of sucks. I can look pretty decent on the outside, but I am filled with inner turmoil. I don't want my children to feel like I do. It's my motivation for almost everything. It was the reason I drank zero alcohol and took no prescription meds during pregnancy, it's the reason I so badly wanted a drug free labor, something, anything to maybe lower his exposure to things that might mess with his brain or our attachment after delivery.
And I don't care if I'm the only one doing it, but maybe, just maybe my child won't have all the bladder control issues I had if I get him used to recognizing them now. If babies don't even wet themselves in their sleep, why did I do it at 9 and 10 years of age? Something got messed up with either the bladder or the sleep. And if I can do something to maybe lessen the chance of that, then I'm going to do it.
I don't think delayed potty training is normal. A good portion of 4-year-olds aren't potty trained now days. Some children will never show those so called "readiness signs." And potty training is not done in a day. Some children do fine with it, but some struggle for years and might be like me and not really have control until nearly middle school. That's not normal, especially when young babies have control over their sphincter muscles at birth.
With my next child I'm really going to try to start younger, I just couldn't start at birth this time, hopefully I'll have an easier post partum time the next time around. But we are having some success with our older baby, and that's pretty cool.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The Moment You Were Born, I Was Born
I remember this moment like nothing else. I didn't cry. I was in amazement. I smiled. I was forever changed. I was born in that moment. The moment my son was born, I was born. What is truly amazing is that I did it, like so many women before me, without ever doing it before. You can't really prepare for giving birth. You can read books and take classes, which I recommend. But yours will go differently and you won't really be prepared.
Mine didn't go as planned. First of all I thought I would be more conscious than I was, but after my water broke about 8 hours before he was born, time and actions and people and places are a total blur. I needed a lot of support, I couldn't call the shots, I needed my doula and the nurses to tell me what to do, what position to get into. I was only able to turn inward and cope with the pain and then push when I felt like pushing, everything else needed to done by someone else. My doula made sure I got water, a nurse got me juice, they told me when to try the bathroom, and Brent told me that I could do it, I could birth. I had no energy for these things and I'm grateful for the support I had.
I also couldn't get in the water and I know it sounds silly, but I mourn the loss of my warm tub of water. I think I had to go through a lot more pain than I needed to because I wasn't allowed in the tub. But in the end, I gave birth without drugs or interventions, which was my first priority. And I'm not against drugs or interventions when the women is informed and makes a choice about it, but I wonder sometimes if others have had this moment in the picture above; the clarity, the awe, the moment of birth. Nothing else in the entire world mattered in this moment.
And isn't that kind of what becoming a mom is about? Nothing really matters besides your children. If the kids are OK, then the world is OK. I feel like I would have another child simply to have this moment again, that is how amazing it was. The moment of birth is enough to make the pregnancy, the labor, the post partum hell all worth it. I didn't cry when he was born, but looking back on it I do; tears of pure, unstoppable joy.
And the next moment after the one pictured above (a few minutes later), I breastfed for the first time.
And I haven't stopped in five months.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Get Your Shots! Please...
I try to not do anything regarding parenthood without researching it a bit and really getting in tune with my gut feeling. Vaccines were something I kind of bounced around with when I was pregnant and a little after. I bounced around because a lot of the stuff I do, like not circumcising, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, cloth diapering, and elimination communication are grouped into this Natural Parenting category and a lot of those sites and books talk about how horrible vaccines are.
So I did some reading and parents claim the vaccines cause so many things that I just can't find any real evidence for. I'm not saying it's not possible that vaccines can ruin immune systems (hey vaccines do affect immune systems fundamentally), but I've gotten all my vaccines and recently had to get re-vaccinated against a couple things that didn't take the first time, and as far as I know, I'm pretty healthy.
I realize that "me" is a small sample size. But I think the majority of babies get vaccinated today and the majority are just fine.
To imagine a world without vaccines all you have to do is to talk with people like my grandparents who remember the days when kids were paralyzed by polio, who had several kids come down with the measles, who had family members get whooping cough very young. The diseases these vaccines protect against are very real and can be deadly. I decided that the small risk of vaccination was less than the risk of my baby possibly getting one of these possibly deadly diseases.
There are some people that can't get vaccines. A good example is babies and young children too young for certain vaccines. Some people are also allergic to some of the ingredients in the vaccines. Some people have other medical complications that make vaccines more dangerous. But there is this amazing, amazing, amazing thing called the herd effect. The herd effect is when about 85% of the population is vaccinated against a certain illness the risk of the illness for the entire population is nearly 0%. This means that if 85% of you went out and got your flu vaccines my little baby, who is too young for the flu vaccine, would still be protected against it.
This is why there was such a drop in things like whooping cough and German measles and polio, because a good 85% of people were vaccinated against these illnesses in the United States.
Getting yourself vaccinated and your healthy children who can get the vaccines vaccinated not only protects them, it protects those who would get vaccinated if they could, but can't. I'm not only protecting Cedric from these diseases, I'm protecting the babies out there who are too young or too ill.
If this anti-vaccine craze continues for too long it could have devastating effects on our over all public health.
That being said we did opt out of a couple things. We didn't get him the Hep B vaccine yet. From what I've read, Hep B is so rarely picked up by babies and young children. We decided to get him the Hep B vaccine before he is sexually active (when he could actually catch it). Since they get so many vaccines this first year, we figured putting off one would be good.
We also refused the E-mycin in the eyes after birth because it also seemed unnecessary since I didn't have any STIs. This one we got some guff for in the hospital and had to refuse it several times before they left us alone. I wanted to say something like, "look, I'm a smart person who researches this stuff and I don't want it!"
So my unwelcome advice is to get the vaccines that make sense for your family, delay them if you want to, but really, if your child can handle them, it's really a great thing to do for them and those who don't have a choice in vaccinating.
So I did some reading and parents claim the vaccines cause so many things that I just can't find any real evidence for. I'm not saying it's not possible that vaccines can ruin immune systems (hey vaccines do affect immune systems fundamentally), but I've gotten all my vaccines and recently had to get re-vaccinated against a couple things that didn't take the first time, and as far as I know, I'm pretty healthy.
I realize that "me" is a small sample size. But I think the majority of babies get vaccinated today and the majority are just fine.
To imagine a world without vaccines all you have to do is to talk with people like my grandparents who remember the days when kids were paralyzed by polio, who had several kids come down with the measles, who had family members get whooping cough very young. The diseases these vaccines protect against are very real and can be deadly. I decided that the small risk of vaccination was less than the risk of my baby possibly getting one of these possibly deadly diseases.
There are some people that can't get vaccines. A good example is babies and young children too young for certain vaccines. Some people are also allergic to some of the ingredients in the vaccines. Some people have other medical complications that make vaccines more dangerous. But there is this amazing, amazing, amazing thing called the herd effect. The herd effect is when about 85% of the population is vaccinated against a certain illness the risk of the illness for the entire population is nearly 0%. This means that if 85% of you went out and got your flu vaccines my little baby, who is too young for the flu vaccine, would still be protected against it.
This is why there was such a drop in things like whooping cough and German measles and polio, because a good 85% of people were vaccinated against these illnesses in the United States.
Getting yourself vaccinated and your healthy children who can get the vaccines vaccinated not only protects them, it protects those who would get vaccinated if they could, but can't. I'm not only protecting Cedric from these diseases, I'm protecting the babies out there who are too young or too ill.
If this anti-vaccine craze continues for too long it could have devastating effects on our over all public health.
That being said we did opt out of a couple things. We didn't get him the Hep B vaccine yet. From what I've read, Hep B is so rarely picked up by babies and young children. We decided to get him the Hep B vaccine before he is sexually active (when he could actually catch it). Since they get so many vaccines this first year, we figured putting off one would be good.
We also refused the E-mycin in the eyes after birth because it also seemed unnecessary since I didn't have any STIs. This one we got some guff for in the hospital and had to refuse it several times before they left us alone. I wanted to say something like, "look, I'm a smart person who researches this stuff and I don't want it!"
So my unwelcome advice is to get the vaccines that make sense for your family, delay them if you want to, but really, if your child can handle them, it's really a great thing to do for them and those who don't have a choice in vaccinating.
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