I feel the need to write a blog about my son's language development, or lack thereof.
I swing back and forth between being content and being frustrated and wondering if I did something wrong.
We have what you could call a "late talker." Though at 16 months, it's still way too early to be worrying about any kind of disability.
A book Brent got from the library says we should only worry if he doesn't have at least 15 words by 18 months. Our doctor says she won't really worry until 24 months. And my husband was a late talker too (I was an early talker). So chances are he is totally fine and is just content to not talk right now. I will be blown away if he has 15 words by 18 months, because right now he has maybe three words and maybe two signs.
He has said other words, but not consistently Like way back when he was 11 months I swore I heard him say "kitty" and "baby." But then I really haven't heard them since then. It's like he practiced those and now he's done. And although I've been signing my ass off sometimes, he really has only picked up "milk" and "more" and he usually chooses to not use them. Pointing and grunting or screaming or going "muh muh muh muh," is what he does.
His one word right now is, "uh oh." "Mama" has been around for a while, but I really don't hear it that much. "Dada" is a rarity.
It's enough to make a first time parent go mad. We've actually been decently calm about it. It creeps up into my anxiety every once in a while. I'm so happy to hear about ya'll's stories about all the words and signs your toddlers have, but it's shocking to a mother who's son rarely puts a couple letters together. I sometimes think, "what did they do differently?"
I also get shocked when I hear about your little one's teething molars because my son still only has four teeth, but teeth development is a little more blame-proof. I don't think being a better mother pushes those teeth through faster.
Cedric does understand a lot. This is a big reason why our doctor told us that he's totally normal. He follows simple commands. He'll give me a hug when I ask for one, he'll put stuff in the trash when I ask him, he knows to be upset when I tell him "no" or that he "can't have that." He also is starting to get sneaky. He knows that I can only enforce rules when I catch him in the act. He often looks over his shoulder to see if I am watching. He's a smart boy.
What's really crazy is that talking kids actually annoy me a great deal sometimes. There are three little girls who live below us in our duplex and when warm weather comes I can hear them talking. And they say the craziest things, and they are loud, and they sometimes run around repeating things over and over and over and you just want to yell at them to shut up, but you don't because you're an adult who has hopefully learned to act like one.
And I've babysat this one four year old a few times and man... the questions that come out of his mouth are non-stop... and crazy questions that are hard to answer, specific questions that I don't have answers to, and the questions keep coming and you want him to be inquisitive, but instead you're dumbfounded and feel like there should be some manual for answering the types of questions that kids ask. One of the kids that lives below us asked me one day, "what are those." "Groceries," I said, because they were groceries. "What are they for?" Uh.... what do you MEAN what are they for? They are groceries... doesn't the fact that they are groceries answer what they are for? I don't know what you want me to explain! What kind of a question is that? Kids ask weird questions, is what I am saying.
So maybe it is a blessing that he is not yet talking. And the real reason is probably that he takes after his father, who chooses his words carefully and never says anything frivolous. My husband does not waste words goddamnit, each one has a good purpose. It's either something I need to know, something to make me laugh, or something to make me feel good. No meaningless jabber about his day, or at least very little. And I'm the opposite, almost, I will talk and talk and talk and tell him a whole bunch of meaningless things he doesn't really need to know, just to make conversation and entertainment and to process my thoughts. He says he enjoys listening, so we both win.
So perhaps my son is internally processing his thoughts and someday he will open his mouth and say something very profound and thought provoking. I guess I'll keep you posted.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
One Year of Elimination Communication
It was about this time last year that I started EC for real, with my then 4 month old son. I caught a pee ater a nap one day and there it began. A few months later I was regularly catching all the night time pees, and many of the day time pees and sometimes a poop. I could pee him in a public restroom, or outside. I peed him in a parking lot on vacation. Things were going great. He still wore diapers most of the time, but we used less of them and we thought we were on our way to diaper freedom. At this time, however, I was doing most of the peeing and my husband rarely got our son to pee in a potty.
Then around 9 or 10 months it all changed and my son suddenly HATED the potty. Hated it SO much. I tried using different potties, different positions, tried the sink, tried it outside, tried everything. Nope, he was having none of it. By 12 months old we caught about one pee a week, on a good week. It was tough. At the same time, the once easy diaper changes also became horrible for him. So not only was pottying super hard, diaper changes were super hard. And my once, dry-through-the-night boy, stated wetting the bed.
I gave up and put him in disposables during the night, which he would soak by morning. But I didn't give up entirely. I still kept him in cloth diapers during the day and changed them as soon as he wet them. And I didn't give p on the potty, but would only try the potty once in the morning. I figured that as soon as he started going in the potty once a day, I could expand it more. I also feared that it was all over and that we'd have him in diapers for years.
But then it changed again, around 14 months when he learned how to walk well, he suddenly didn't mind the potty so much. I did a couple days of naked time and quickly brought him to the potty when he started to pee. This got him back on track to using the potty. We started catching the morning pees, and when I say "we," I really mean that both me and my husband could do it. Shortly after this we started catching the after nap pee too. And he started staying dry through the night again, so we gave up the night time disposable.
He's now 16 months old and although I've tried to catch other pees at different times and even tried catching poops when I suspect they are on their way, I have been unsuccessful. For now I am content to catch two pees a day and continue to change his cloth diapers as soon as they are wet.
At the time, I was so confused as to what was going on, but looking back this long potty pause was a developmental potty pause for learning to walk. He was starting to stand a little at 10 months and took his first steps at 12 months and perfected walking a little after 14 months. This was exactly when the potty pause began and ended. It was a long one and one we haven't quite recovered from.
We've also come to learn that our son is a very determined and persistent boy with lots of energy. He was a relatively easy younger baby, but has grown into a young boy with a more challenging temperament. I feel like I'm waiting for a window of opportunity to put it all together and throw the diapers out (or into basement storage). EC definitely did not go as expected, but we still benefited from it greatly.
Our son had diaper rash ONE time, when he was 3 months old, before we even started EC. This was when he got his first cold and had diarrhea with it. That was it, no more rash, ever. If you want to prevent diaper rash, use cloth and change them as soon as they are wet and let that butt get some air sometimes too. EC takes care of all of this. Diaper rash is not inevitable.
We also are very aware of our son's elimination patterns because we check him often and have looked for the signs for so long. I sometimes know when he is peeing, but not enough in advance to get him to the potty. We learned very early on that he doesn't pee while asleep. Hint, most babies do NOT pee while asleep, they wake up to pee, which can often explain some of the night wakings when they are young. We were ahead of the game by bringing him to a potty when he woke up. Co-sleeping helped a lot. Ironically I believe that co-sleeping has led to less wet beds over all because of my awareness of his need to pee. I would not have been aware of this need had he been apart from me. The handful of times he's gotten our bed wet I bet in no way amounts to the typical amount of crib sheet soakings.
It's also been a great comfort to me, who is a pretty anxious mother, because I know I'm keeping him as comfortable as a can and trying my best to address his need to pee and poop. Our son as not very troubled by peeing or pooping on him self, but some babies are sensitive to it. If you have a fussy baby and don't know why they are fussing, you should think about whether they might need to pee. It's entirely possible that you have a baby that doesn't like to go in a diaper and then you can be one of those lucky ones who are diaper free much earlier than the rest.
So, I'll keep you posted on our quest to end diaper use. My hope is by the end of the year, but part of me thinks it will take a few more months past then. If we've made little progress by 20 months I'm going to invest in a copy of Oh Crap Potty Training, which I've heard great things about. You can find it at http://www.jamieglowacki.com/
Then around 9 or 10 months it all changed and my son suddenly HATED the potty. Hated it SO much. I tried using different potties, different positions, tried the sink, tried it outside, tried everything. Nope, he was having none of it. By 12 months old we caught about one pee a week, on a good week. It was tough. At the same time, the once easy diaper changes also became horrible for him. So not only was pottying super hard, diaper changes were super hard. And my once, dry-through-the-night boy, stated wetting the bed.
I gave up and put him in disposables during the night, which he would soak by morning. But I didn't give up entirely. I still kept him in cloth diapers during the day and changed them as soon as he wet them. And I didn't give p on the potty, but would only try the potty once in the morning. I figured that as soon as he started going in the potty once a day, I could expand it more. I also feared that it was all over and that we'd have him in diapers for years.
But then it changed again, around 14 months when he learned how to walk well, he suddenly didn't mind the potty so much. I did a couple days of naked time and quickly brought him to the potty when he started to pee. This got him back on track to using the potty. We started catching the morning pees, and when I say "we," I really mean that both me and my husband could do it. Shortly after this we started catching the after nap pee too. And he started staying dry through the night again, so we gave up the night time disposable.
He's now 16 months old and although I've tried to catch other pees at different times and even tried catching poops when I suspect they are on their way, I have been unsuccessful. For now I am content to catch two pees a day and continue to change his cloth diapers as soon as they are wet.
At the time, I was so confused as to what was going on, but looking back this long potty pause was a developmental potty pause for learning to walk. He was starting to stand a little at 10 months and took his first steps at 12 months and perfected walking a little after 14 months. This was exactly when the potty pause began and ended. It was a long one and one we haven't quite recovered from.
We've also come to learn that our son is a very determined and persistent boy with lots of energy. He was a relatively easy younger baby, but has grown into a young boy with a more challenging temperament. I feel like I'm waiting for a window of opportunity to put it all together and throw the diapers out (or into basement storage). EC definitely did not go as expected, but we still benefited from it greatly.
Our son had diaper rash ONE time, when he was 3 months old, before we even started EC. This was when he got his first cold and had diarrhea with it. That was it, no more rash, ever. If you want to prevent diaper rash, use cloth and change them as soon as they are wet and let that butt get some air sometimes too. EC takes care of all of this. Diaper rash is not inevitable.
We also are very aware of our son's elimination patterns because we check him often and have looked for the signs for so long. I sometimes know when he is peeing, but not enough in advance to get him to the potty. We learned very early on that he doesn't pee while asleep. Hint, most babies do NOT pee while asleep, they wake up to pee, which can often explain some of the night wakings when they are young. We were ahead of the game by bringing him to a potty when he woke up. Co-sleeping helped a lot. Ironically I believe that co-sleeping has led to less wet beds over all because of my awareness of his need to pee. I would not have been aware of this need had he been apart from me. The handful of times he's gotten our bed wet I bet in no way amounts to the typical amount of crib sheet soakings.
It's also been a great comfort to me, who is a pretty anxious mother, because I know I'm keeping him as comfortable as a can and trying my best to address his need to pee and poop. Our son as not very troubled by peeing or pooping on him self, but some babies are sensitive to it. If you have a fussy baby and don't know why they are fussing, you should think about whether they might need to pee. It's entirely possible that you have a baby that doesn't like to go in a diaper and then you can be one of those lucky ones who are diaper free much earlier than the rest.
So, I'll keep you posted on our quest to end diaper use. My hope is by the end of the year, but part of me thinks it will take a few more months past then. If we've made little progress by 20 months I'm going to invest in a copy of Oh Crap Potty Training, which I've heard great things about. You can find it at http://www.jamieglowacki.com/
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Why Does Dilation Hurt So Frickin' Much?
I was reminded about this when someone on facebook asked me to give a good example of UNintellegent design. So of course I immediately thought of childbirth. Firstly humans are born like 9 months premature because "someone" couldn't design our hips to be big enough to fit our massive brains out before they are really done cooking. But I've heard that this might be the very reason that fathers are involved in caring for children and might be the whole basis for the reason we humans tend to partner up and be social creatures in general, so maybe it has it's advantages.
I think the worst design flaw of my body I have come across so far is the fact that the cervix hurts like hell and takes a long time (usually, especially the first time) to fully dilate for birth. Come on, flying spaghetti monster or whoever you are, what gives?
When I imagined birth long before I had much knowledge of birth, I imagined that the part that hurt the most was pushing the baby out of a little 10 cm in diameter orifice. I was so wrong. Pushing doesn't hurt. Or I should say that pushing hurts SO much less than the dilation of the cervix, that you barely notice the hurt that pushing produces (at least on average, I've heard stories of women hating pushing; I loved it).
It's not the baby coming out that hurts, it's everything that must happen in order for you to be able to get the baby out that hurts. This is important to remember when you are in actual labor, that pain has a purpose, it's growing a hole big enough for a baby to come through.
I feel that this process could have been designed a little better. Why so much pain? Why does the cervix require such powerful contractions to open? And why for so long? It's takes about a day for those first time moms. A whole day where you basically have to be reminded every few minutes that your cervix is opening... slowly...
It's this pain that causes mothers to need several people there supporting them, usually. It's rare that a women goes off by herself to the woods to labor in solitude. And it is pain you cannot really understand until you've done it and you know it is the most you will ever probably feel. But it doesn't even get the baby out, it just opens up the cervix. After it is done you've still got an average of 2.5 hours of work to do pushing the baby out (but it feels like way less because you are so exhausted you fall asleep in between contractions).
So if you are pregnant and worried about pushing the baby out, don't be. Chances are pushing the baby out will be amazing. Be worried about the dilation of the cervix, because that hurts, especially those last few centimeters, luckily the more it hurts the faster it seems to go. And I have run across no intelligent reason for why yet. Perhaps an evolutionary scientist has studied this phenomenon.
I think the worst design flaw of my body I have come across so far is the fact that the cervix hurts like hell and takes a long time (usually, especially the first time) to fully dilate for birth. Come on, flying spaghetti monster or whoever you are, what gives?
When I imagined birth long before I had much knowledge of birth, I imagined that the part that hurt the most was pushing the baby out of a little 10 cm in diameter orifice. I was so wrong. Pushing doesn't hurt. Or I should say that pushing hurts SO much less than the dilation of the cervix, that you barely notice the hurt that pushing produces (at least on average, I've heard stories of women hating pushing; I loved it).
It's not the baby coming out that hurts, it's everything that must happen in order for you to be able to get the baby out that hurts. This is important to remember when you are in actual labor, that pain has a purpose, it's growing a hole big enough for a baby to come through.
I feel that this process could have been designed a little better. Why so much pain? Why does the cervix require such powerful contractions to open? And why for so long? It's takes about a day for those first time moms. A whole day where you basically have to be reminded every few minutes that your cervix is opening... slowly...
It's this pain that causes mothers to need several people there supporting them, usually. It's rare that a women goes off by herself to the woods to labor in solitude. And it is pain you cannot really understand until you've done it and you know it is the most you will ever probably feel. But it doesn't even get the baby out, it just opens up the cervix. After it is done you've still got an average of 2.5 hours of work to do pushing the baby out (but it feels like way less because you are so exhausted you fall asleep in between contractions).
So if you are pregnant and worried about pushing the baby out, don't be. Chances are pushing the baby out will be amazing. Be worried about the dilation of the cervix, because that hurts, especially those last few centimeters, luckily the more it hurts the faster it seems to go. And I have run across no intelligent reason for why yet. Perhaps an evolutionary scientist has studied this phenomenon.
Friday, September 7, 2012
An Injury to One Is an Injury to Yourself
My husband has been working on the ramp at the airport for 8 1/2 years, he's been in many different positions and recently got a decent promotion. He was also part of several union drives at his work place, the last one which started in early 2010. They really thought this last time was going to be it, it was very demoralizing when it failed.
First let me explain how the ramp works at airports now, at least those served by Delta. Delta basically outsources its ramp work to smaller companies, most of these companies are wholly-owned subsidiaries of Delta. The crew who handles your baggage, cleans your cabin, ensures safety when the plane is parked, and even sometimes the gate agents who get your your ticket and help you board the plane on a Delta flight, aren't technically Delta employees.
This has major advantages for Delta. Most of these subsidiaries aren't unionized, so Delta doesn't have any pesky contracts to deal with. This keeps wages low. But there is another advantage. Let's say a subsidiary has been in place for a while and some of their employees have been there for a while because the economy is bad and they can't find anything better. This subsidiary also happens to have somewhat decent health coverage for their employees and some of them get 4 or 5 weeks of PTO a year because they've earned this seniority privilege.
Suddenly more money is going to the workers of this company instead of into profits. And remember, this is a wholly-owned subsidiary, so Delta is the company who profits. Well it's time to kick that subsidiary out and put in a different one that doesn't spend so much money on labor.
Last time this happened it was more of a take over with the NWA and Delta merger and the employees kept their seniority and wages for the most part.
This time it's working essentially as if these employees are quitting their jobs at one company and starting new at another company. This means seniority will be wiped out and everyone will be starting at the bottom of the wage scale, which for a general ramp worker is $8.25 an hour. And everyone might have to reapply for their job.
They could have done this with a little less douchbaggery, but there is talk that they want to end seniority, but still keep everyone's disciplinary record on hand. The severance is also a crappy $750. Normally severance is 1 weeks pay per year, which would have meant 8 weeks of pay for my husband, instead he'll get a whole $750, which is just barely over one week of pay. ONE week of pay for his 8.5+ years of service, which included two pay cuts.
There are also rumors that the new company has worse health coverage. Health coverage at his current company was one reason my husband stayed at this job so long, it's very cheap for us to cover our whole family on his insurance, dental too. Chances are out of pocket costs will increase.
Ramp workers are important! It might not require a college degree but these people inspect planes to make sure nothing goes in the airplane that might cause the plane to crash, they insure that your luggage gets on the plane and that the plane isn't overloaded, which can also make planes crash. They make sure the plane isn't damaged when it is entering and exiting the ramp. They are also the people who clean the vomit of the guy who was on the plane before you so you don't have to sit in it.
Pay is not well related to work performance, but it is important when you are talking about huge wage and benefit cuts because good workers are going to leave, some have left already. They are making this job not worth it in the long haul, which means good employees, the ones like my husband, who have been around for a while and know what they are doing, are probably going to leave when they can find something better. And they haven't set the bar that high.
For you, the airline consumer, who has to travel by Delta, this means more lost bags, more late departures, less clean planes, and possibly less inspected ramp areas. Basically a worse airplane ride, and all of this while air fares are climbing. You are now paying more and getting less.
This is how capitalism works. This is why unions are so important. This is my concrete example of people hurt by corporate greed. And it is not just us, it is everyone who flies on Delta an probably any other airline. Because they are all competing against each other to out-profit the others, this is what will be happening throughout the industry.
Happy Flying!
First let me explain how the ramp works at airports now, at least those served by Delta. Delta basically outsources its ramp work to smaller companies, most of these companies are wholly-owned subsidiaries of Delta. The crew who handles your baggage, cleans your cabin, ensures safety when the plane is parked, and even sometimes the gate agents who get your your ticket and help you board the plane on a Delta flight, aren't technically Delta employees.
This has major advantages for Delta. Most of these subsidiaries aren't unionized, so Delta doesn't have any pesky contracts to deal with. This keeps wages low. But there is another advantage. Let's say a subsidiary has been in place for a while and some of their employees have been there for a while because the economy is bad and they can't find anything better. This subsidiary also happens to have somewhat decent health coverage for their employees and some of them get 4 or 5 weeks of PTO a year because they've earned this seniority privilege.
Suddenly more money is going to the workers of this company instead of into profits. And remember, this is a wholly-owned subsidiary, so Delta is the company who profits. Well it's time to kick that subsidiary out and put in a different one that doesn't spend so much money on labor.
Last time this happened it was more of a take over with the NWA and Delta merger and the employees kept their seniority and wages for the most part.
This time it's working essentially as if these employees are quitting their jobs at one company and starting new at another company. This means seniority will be wiped out and everyone will be starting at the bottom of the wage scale, which for a general ramp worker is $8.25 an hour. And everyone might have to reapply for their job.
They could have done this with a little less douchbaggery, but there is talk that they want to end seniority, but still keep everyone's disciplinary record on hand. The severance is also a crappy $750. Normally severance is 1 weeks pay per year, which would have meant 8 weeks of pay for my husband, instead he'll get a whole $750, which is just barely over one week of pay. ONE week of pay for his 8.5+ years of service, which included two pay cuts.
There are also rumors that the new company has worse health coverage. Health coverage at his current company was one reason my husband stayed at this job so long, it's very cheap for us to cover our whole family on his insurance, dental too. Chances are out of pocket costs will increase.
Ramp workers are important! It might not require a college degree but these people inspect planes to make sure nothing goes in the airplane that might cause the plane to crash, they insure that your luggage gets on the plane and that the plane isn't overloaded, which can also make planes crash. They make sure the plane isn't damaged when it is entering and exiting the ramp. They are also the people who clean the vomit of the guy who was on the plane before you so you don't have to sit in it.
Pay is not well related to work performance, but it is important when you are talking about huge wage and benefit cuts because good workers are going to leave, some have left already. They are making this job not worth it in the long haul, which means good employees, the ones like my husband, who have been around for a while and know what they are doing, are probably going to leave when they can find something better. And they haven't set the bar that high.
For you, the airline consumer, who has to travel by Delta, this means more lost bags, more late departures, less clean planes, and possibly less inspected ramp areas. Basically a worse airplane ride, and all of this while air fares are climbing. You are now paying more and getting less.
This is how capitalism works. This is why unions are so important. This is my concrete example of people hurt by corporate greed. And it is not just us, it is everyone who flies on Delta an probably any other airline. Because they are all competing against each other to out-profit the others, this is what will be happening throughout the industry.
Happy Flying!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Breastfeeding, The Best Diet Plan For Me, Not For All
While I was pregnant one of the things people liked to tell me the most was about how much breastfeeding will help me lose the baby weight and how much breastfeeding didn't help them lose any baby weight.
There seem to be two different types of people, those where breastfeeding seems to suck fat right off of them, and those who see no effect at all. Luckily I was one of those people where the fat just seemed to slide off.
I'm now actually twelve pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. And I gained 55 pounds, so this is quite the accomplishment. Since coming home from the hospital I've lost about 60, and since my 6 week post-partum appointment I've lost about 35. Some of you have been so nice telling me that I gained "just enough weight for me!" No. I gained too much, I was a lazy, hungry, depressed pregnant woman. 55 pounds was too much, but luckily it didn't cause me too much trouble. And I lost it pretty quick.
It took a little more work that just sitting back and feeding my baby though. Breastfeeding makes you HUNGRY! OMG, my appetite is very huge. I believe I now eat more than my husband does during a typical shared meal. Before, I used to try to give him about 50% more food than me because I was trying to lose weight and he was 155 pounds of pure bone and muscle that lifts things for 10 hours a day for a living.
The hunger makes it easy to over-eat. I actually didn't lose any weight from 6 weeks to about 13 weeks post partum, then I really started to exercise, just walking mostly and burned through the rest of the baby weight that way. Nine months on, nine months off almost exactly. Then the weight loss slowed down and I dropped just about a pound a month before my son turned one.
I wanted to lose more, so I started running this June and I've lost another 7 pounds or so since then.
Exercise really has helped me, but I've done the weight loss thing before breastfeeding and I must say that breastfeeding makes it way easier. I may have a slight problem with my weight when my last child finally weans. For now I don't plan on trying to wean Cedric before getting pregnant with the next, so we'll have back to back nurslings.
Also for those of you not in the know, weight loss is safe with breastfeeding, so is exercise and reducing your calories. There's a bad myth still prevalent out there that you can't exercise or try to lose weight while breastfeeding, I'm living proof that it's not true. But do let your body recover from birth first!
There seem to be two different types of people, those where breastfeeding seems to suck fat right off of them, and those who see no effect at all. Luckily I was one of those people where the fat just seemed to slide off.
I'm now actually twelve pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. And I gained 55 pounds, so this is quite the accomplishment. Since coming home from the hospital I've lost about 60, and since my 6 week post-partum appointment I've lost about 35. Some of you have been so nice telling me that I gained "just enough weight for me!" No. I gained too much, I was a lazy, hungry, depressed pregnant woman. 55 pounds was too much, but luckily it didn't cause me too much trouble. And I lost it pretty quick.
It took a little more work that just sitting back and feeding my baby though. Breastfeeding makes you HUNGRY! OMG, my appetite is very huge. I believe I now eat more than my husband does during a typical shared meal. Before, I used to try to give him about 50% more food than me because I was trying to lose weight and he was 155 pounds of pure bone and muscle that lifts things for 10 hours a day for a living.
The hunger makes it easy to over-eat. I actually didn't lose any weight from 6 weeks to about 13 weeks post partum, then I really started to exercise, just walking mostly and burned through the rest of the baby weight that way. Nine months on, nine months off almost exactly. Then the weight loss slowed down and I dropped just about a pound a month before my son turned one.
I wanted to lose more, so I started running this June and I've lost another 7 pounds or so since then.
Exercise really has helped me, but I've done the weight loss thing before breastfeeding and I must say that breastfeeding makes it way easier. I may have a slight problem with my weight when my last child finally weans. For now I don't plan on trying to wean Cedric before getting pregnant with the next, so we'll have back to back nurslings.
Also for those of you not in the know, weight loss is safe with breastfeeding, so is exercise and reducing your calories. There's a bad myth still prevalent out there that you can't exercise or try to lose weight while breastfeeding, I'm living proof that it's not true. But do let your body recover from birth first!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
2 Years of Marriage (nearly), Taken Up Almost Entirely With Pregnancy and an Infant
Our second anniversary is on the 21st of this month. Our wedding was rated as the funnest wedding my grandmother has ever been to, which I feel I should get some sort of trophy for, because she went to four of her own children's weddings and probably many others, but I at least won the title of "most fun." It ended with us giving away full bottles of wine to the guests who stayed to the bitter end and helped us clean up, so that's a small indication of it's awesomeness. Actually, many people have said what a great night it was, which always makes me feel good because I planned the entire thing myself pretty much, with a little input from my husband to be, but really, it was me.
One thing I do kind of regret is not having an after party, but I was exhausted, we had a (ahem) marriage to consummate and an early plane departure in the morning.
The honeymoon was the best vacation I've ever been on. It was truly a wonderful week.
And then we got pregnant, on purpose! Nothing quite abruptly ends a honeymoon period like the first trimester of pregnancy. Then 9 months and 9 days exactly after our wedding, I gave birth.
14 months into our marriage I quit my job to have more time with my infant. And since then it's been a small roller coaster of financial unknowns and instability, nothing horrible, yet, but not like it was before. Most recently my husband got a very good promotion and a month later found out the company is dissolving in November.
It might seem fast, but we met in 2005, had been dating since 2007 and had been living together since 2008. Meeting to baby took nearly 6 years. Wedding was actually kind of secondary to having babies. We had our children in our vows. Our wedding might as well have been a "we're going to begin to try to conceive" party. This probably sounds like something the right-wing anti-birth control Christians would like, but I think the main point of our marriage was to conclusively commit to each other for the better of the babies we really wanted to have ASAP.
We really wanted kids, really, really. I'm so glad I waited until I did, but I don't think I could have waited even one more month.
Kids strain marriage. If you think it's going to strengthen your marriage, think again. I think in the long run it will have a strengthening effect. When we look back at this period in our lives we will say, "it was hard, but we did it and came out the other end with world's more knowledge and feeling very fulfilled."
Luckily we are very committed to each other and are very in love and even like the other person. Mostly I've learned that you have to let go of a lot. I'm finally feeling better about not doing as much. I just don't have the energy. I say I might go to things and often don't show up. Don't take it personally, I probably really wanted to go and then got home from work and didn't want to leave again. It's a short-term thing, for probably the next 5 to 10 years.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I will not always have babies. They will always be my babies, but they will grow up.
When Cedric was just a month old, I was over at my aunt and uncle's house and my uncle said, "I remember the newborn stage being the low point. Kids mostly improve with age." And I think he's totally correct. I like 14 month old Cedric more than 9 month old Cedric and 9 month old Cedric was better than 1 month old Cedric. And when I babysit this 4 year old, I'm like, 4-year-olds are super easy! They might talk your ear off, but they use the toilet and dress themselves and don't have to be carried up the stairs and they listen pretty well.
And if you've been awesome enough to raise responsible teens, you can leave them for a week and go on a vacation without them. Oh I hope I'm awesome enough to do that.
I'm guessing we will view these first few years of marriage as not our best, but ones that laid the foundation of resilience and perseverance. We've actually had very few disagreements about the actual parenting we are doing, which is great, we are on the same page.
The baby himself is great, it's everything that comes along with the baby that is stressful. Even the most confident parent can have great feelings of doubt, I believe. The contradictory info is in every parenting topic and you have to make hard decisions, ones that could possibly effect your child, another human being, for the rest of his life. No pressure or anything, just the rest of this child's life is all.
I hear the second one is easier.
One thing I do kind of regret is not having an after party, but I was exhausted, we had a (ahem) marriage to consummate and an early plane departure in the morning.
The honeymoon was the best vacation I've ever been on. It was truly a wonderful week.
And then we got pregnant, on purpose! Nothing quite abruptly ends a honeymoon period like the first trimester of pregnancy. Then 9 months and 9 days exactly after our wedding, I gave birth.
14 months into our marriage I quit my job to have more time with my infant. And since then it's been a small roller coaster of financial unknowns and instability, nothing horrible, yet, but not like it was before. Most recently my husband got a very good promotion and a month later found out the company is dissolving in November.
It might seem fast, but we met in 2005, had been dating since 2007 and had been living together since 2008. Meeting to baby took nearly 6 years. Wedding was actually kind of secondary to having babies. We had our children in our vows. Our wedding might as well have been a "we're going to begin to try to conceive" party. This probably sounds like something the right-wing anti-birth control Christians would like, but I think the main point of our marriage was to conclusively commit to each other for the better of the babies we really wanted to have ASAP.
We really wanted kids, really, really. I'm so glad I waited until I did, but I don't think I could have waited even one more month.
Kids strain marriage. If you think it's going to strengthen your marriage, think again. I think in the long run it will have a strengthening effect. When we look back at this period in our lives we will say, "it was hard, but we did it and came out the other end with world's more knowledge and feeling very fulfilled."
Luckily we are very committed to each other and are very in love and even like the other person. Mostly I've learned that you have to let go of a lot. I'm finally feeling better about not doing as much. I just don't have the energy. I say I might go to things and often don't show up. Don't take it personally, I probably really wanted to go and then got home from work and didn't want to leave again. It's a short-term thing, for probably the next 5 to 10 years.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I will not always have babies. They will always be my babies, but they will grow up.
When Cedric was just a month old, I was over at my aunt and uncle's house and my uncle said, "I remember the newborn stage being the low point. Kids mostly improve with age." And I think he's totally correct. I like 14 month old Cedric more than 9 month old Cedric and 9 month old Cedric was better than 1 month old Cedric. And when I babysit this 4 year old, I'm like, 4-year-olds are super easy! They might talk your ear off, but they use the toilet and dress themselves and don't have to be carried up the stairs and they listen pretty well.
And if you've been awesome enough to raise responsible teens, you can leave them for a week and go on a vacation without them. Oh I hope I'm awesome enough to do that.
I'm guessing we will view these first few years of marriage as not our best, but ones that laid the foundation of resilience and perseverance. We've actually had very few disagreements about the actual parenting we are doing, which is great, we are on the same page.
The baby himself is great, it's everything that comes along with the baby that is stressful. Even the most confident parent can have great feelings of doubt, I believe. The contradictory info is in every parenting topic and you have to make hard decisions, ones that could possibly effect your child, another human being, for the rest of his life. No pressure or anything, just the rest of this child's life is all.
I hear the second one is easier.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The Beginning of the End of Breastfeeding
I have a lot of fears and anxiety. My world is ruled by them way too much. I'm working on dealing with this and think I've done pretty well. I rarely get full blown panic attacks anymore, for instance.
Today I looked deep inside myself and realized I had a big fears about ending breastfeeding. I'm not quitting, but I've come to a point where I really need to start the slow process of scaling back, mostly with pumping. And this is scary.
I breastfeed. It's what I do. It's the main aspect of my mothering. My son nurses a lot and we have this really great breastfeeding relationship and it makes my life really easy. No need to prepare snacks, just get out the boob. I do give my son solids, but when I'm around, breast milk straight from the tap is still a big winner. I'm very proud of what I overcame to acheive this relationship, I didn't overcome a huge amount, but I had struggles and had to learn a lot of new things.
But I don't need to pump every time I'm away from him. I got really freaked out when I ran my first 5K. I freaked out about being able to pump, but you know what? I was totally fine. I did try to pump a little, but got barely anything... and it was OK, he was 13 months old after all. My supply is well established now. It will be fine for me to go a 9 hour work shift without pumping. We can do this.
And I feel panicky, because this is all I know. Or at least it feels this way. My baby is growing up. Actually he's not a baby anymore, he's a walking toddler. I have to trust that he will be fine without breast milk while away from me. I know this sounds silly, but this is actually hard. This pump has been my connection to him while I'm away. It's been annoying sometimes, but mostly awesome.
I am excited too. I'm excited to enter the next phase, to not have to worry about the pump. To see my child move a small step away from me. My husband will like not having to wash the pumping supplies. Before I know it, he'll be eating way more solids and drinking well from a cup and bottles will disappear. So far, this kid has improved with age and gotten easier every month for the most part. I can do a load of laundry without him crying by the door now. We usually just have one wake up for a minute at night. And I feel ease instead of anxiety when I leave him with a sitter.
I was out of my mind a year ago and now I feel like I'm finding sanity with motherhood. Everything is moving along well. I can do this. This is a small step along the path to eventual weaning, I don't know exactly how it will go, but every child weans eventually. My goal is still 24 months and then we'll see.
And here we go... starting to wean off the pump.
Today I looked deep inside myself and realized I had a big fears about ending breastfeeding. I'm not quitting, but I've come to a point where I really need to start the slow process of scaling back, mostly with pumping. And this is scary.
I breastfeed. It's what I do. It's the main aspect of my mothering. My son nurses a lot and we have this really great breastfeeding relationship and it makes my life really easy. No need to prepare snacks, just get out the boob. I do give my son solids, but when I'm around, breast milk straight from the tap is still a big winner. I'm very proud of what I overcame to acheive this relationship, I didn't overcome a huge amount, but I had struggles and had to learn a lot of new things.
But I don't need to pump every time I'm away from him. I got really freaked out when I ran my first 5K. I freaked out about being able to pump, but you know what? I was totally fine. I did try to pump a little, but got barely anything... and it was OK, he was 13 months old after all. My supply is well established now. It will be fine for me to go a 9 hour work shift without pumping. We can do this.
And I feel panicky, because this is all I know. Or at least it feels this way. My baby is growing up. Actually he's not a baby anymore, he's a walking toddler. I have to trust that he will be fine without breast milk while away from me. I know this sounds silly, but this is actually hard. This pump has been my connection to him while I'm away. It's been annoying sometimes, but mostly awesome.
I am excited too. I'm excited to enter the next phase, to not have to worry about the pump. To see my child move a small step away from me. My husband will like not having to wash the pumping supplies. Before I know it, he'll be eating way more solids and drinking well from a cup and bottles will disappear. So far, this kid has improved with age and gotten easier every month for the most part. I can do a load of laundry without him crying by the door now. We usually just have one wake up for a minute at night. And I feel ease instead of anxiety when I leave him with a sitter.
I was out of my mind a year ago and now I feel like I'm finding sanity with motherhood. Everything is moving along well. I can do this. This is a small step along the path to eventual weaning, I don't know exactly how it will go, but every child weans eventually. My goal is still 24 months and then we'll see.
And here we go... starting to wean off the pump.
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